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JD-Aetas — Ch 1.01 WIP
Published: 2008-07-22 00:16:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 3374; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 36
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Description
Work in Progress of Page 1.Three panels.
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Panel 1:
Yes, there is a HAPPY SUN. No it will not stay there when I finish it.
Panel 2: Enter young male elf, stage right. Running.
copy and paste background from above down to 2nd panel.
"THE METAL HEADS ARE COMING!"
He will be darker than the background due to the fact we are on his shadowed side.
Panel 3: Pan back and look down the beach from Sandover. See Siloettes of YOUNG MALE ELF and a second person coming from the direction of the FORBIDDEN JUNGLE.
Two elves and OLD FISHERMAN are drawing in nets from the surf. Again comes the call:
"METAL HEADS ARE COMING! RUN! RUN NOW!"
OLD FISHERMAN is turning to look back at the village (off panel) crying out:
"SOUND THE ALARM! RUN FOR THE SHELTER!"
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Crit Please. I will make the final changes when I ink it and put the text bubbles in. Where it will be in black and white or color is still under debate. You are welcome to suggest. Pop over to the journal to read on what is going on now with the comic.
My Crit, The young man in the second panel needs his head fixed. It's not shaped right. The old man....I think there is something up with him, but I know there is something really wrong with the way the young woman is drawn. I am going to redraw her.
I need to also boot up TPL and go look at that Precursor Statue in the first panel. It don't look right.
And I am thinking of making my gutters smaller.
JD: Aetas (c) Immortal Phoenix Studios
I do not own Jak and Daxter.
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Comments: 22
I would.... marry a manatee if you some day, some how updated this comic....
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oh man this is so exiting! I cant wait for the next bit!!!
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Dude, when will you update, 'cause damn, I love what you've done this far, so I seriously wanna' read the rest!
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Cool Series that you have going on! I was just curious, does Jak stay close to his daughter, or ... what happens to him? I ask because it doesn't seem fair that he not beable to see his little girl grow up. Anyway just thinking. Awesome series by the way good luck with the other project, if you're still working on it.
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I will go back to it, just have to finish senior year of college first.
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completely understandable what is your major?
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Visual Communications (AkA Graphic Design)
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Same here or used to be for the time being.
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I like the level of detail in the face of the man shouting at the very bottom right. The detail of his torn shirt sleeve does a good job of marking him as a not particularly wealthy individual--or one who's under emergency conditions. I'm not sure where his right ear is, though--whatever the dark-shaded thing above his head is, it's blending into his hair at the moment. Maybe color would help distinguish the man from--whatever that is.
The landscape and the other figures are well done, too--I actually recognize the town from the game. They're just overshadowed by the man at the bottom--I hope you do more faces like his!
Small quibble--I don't use "elf" when thinking of Jak's people. Elfhood is more than ears, in my lexicon--it carries an assumption of "high fantasy" magic, longbows, lifespans measured in centuries, and expert woodcraft. Jak's world is more industrialized and...well, less decorous. Referring to Torn and Sig as elves just doesn't seem to fit.
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I thought about that 'elf' thing. I have tried a coupe of twists on the word "Elvin" as a means to name their race, so that it's not as silly or immature sounding.
What do you think of "Elvin"?
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Personally, I've always called them humans in RP and fic--men and women and Daxter. Using some other name for them marks them off as a separate species and creates a distance between me as the player/reader/viewer and the characters. They are differently proportioned than our sort of human, and possessed of truly impressive built-in handles (I just know Samos used to tow Jak and Daxter around by their ears, lecturing all the way), but they aren't meant to be viewed as alien.
Given that we're accepting the language spoken in Haven City to be colloquial, American-accented English, tossing an "untranslated" word for whatever Jak's people might call themselves into the mix would just be jarring. Given that we on this Earth have an assortment of words to designate ourselves--"people", "humans", "Mankind", we may as well carry the game's assumed "translation" through. Anyone reading fiction relating to the Jak games knows very well what Jak's race tends to look like, and unless you get into trying to yank them into our world of stub-eared weirdos, or vice versa, it's not going to be confusing. (That's a fun scenario to play with, actually. Jak's usual reaction is to think he's encountered a whole culture of people who mutilated themselves by slicing off their ears and pinning back the remains until they healed all warped. The general reaction of stub-eared occupants of my headspace to Jak and Torn et al is to reach for tape measures and wonder about fitting through doors with that "wingspan".)
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Yeah. Point taken.
Maybe the long ears are the reason why there are no revolving doors in the Jak world!
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I wonder about the difficulties of sleeping with those ears in the way--if one slept on one's side, the ear on the pillow might fall asleep and be really painful to wake up in the morning.
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The new style looks awesome - the panels are very fluid and the realism is a nice touch. Keep with this style, I would love to see all the canon characters as well as Jayme and Daz drawn like this 
Now for a little bit of critique, in the first panel to the left under the trees - I know it's an odd question to ask but is that the oracle that you find on the beach near the farmers house? It's just something I noticed and couldn't figure out.
The second panel is a seriously beautiful profile shot - the detail is superb! 
The third panel, not much to say - perspective is lovely just on the far left one elf looks kind of big compared to the other elf next to him whilst running and the right hand side, the male elf pulling in the net - his elbow is twisting at an odd angle but on the other hand that could be the resoultion on my screen, it's not overly detailed.
Over all it's a really excellent page and the new style is refreshing and crisp - keep it up! 
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Yep, that's the Oracle. I need to redraw it.
I'll fix that elbow. It does look a little off.
The two running elfs are in fact spaced apart. He is running farther ahead of the smaller one. Where he is passing the pillars, the other elf is all the way back into the opening of the Forbidden Jungle.
And crit all you like. I have to finish some details in the second page and I'll be posting it for crit in the next couple days.
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Your detail and technique are much improved since your last panel. Your faces have so much more detail. Continue with this style. I think it works well.
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Thank you!
It's proven to be a big help in realistic expression...
And showing age.
Now to get my ass into that human figure class in Sept.
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