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jflaxman — The Intolerable Mortimer Foulbody

Published: 2014-07-02 04:28:17 +0000 UTC; Views: 9041; Favourites: 144; Downloads: 83
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Description     Let's say you've scored a new job in town. It's not too hard, and it pays well, but you've got to dress more formally and spend more time inside than you'd like. Your shiny new shoes are uncomfortable and you feel cut off from the natural world. Luckily there's a small park nearby.

    You're having lunch in the park one day when you see something that doesn't belong. It is a grotesque amalgamation of rodent, worm and human baby. It's not just revolting; you can deal with that. It also seems to be silently begging you to find it cute. You can barely even stomach the thought of living in the same world as this creature. Is it male or female, gay or straight, god-fearing or otherwise? Such trivial issues don't matter at all. This is an abomination that disgusts you to your very core.

    There's no way you can finish your lunch or go back to work after this, so you call in sick, go home, and have a long, hot shower. It's relaxing, but you don't feel clean. The thing in the park is still on your mind. You put on more casual, comfortable clothes and a good strong pair of boots with thick soles. Dark storm clouds form overhead and the scent of ozone fills the air as you go back to the park.

    The abomination is still there. It looks up at you, grinning, all but demanding your affection. With a surge of disgust you kick it, hard. It flies out of the park and lands on the road where it writhes and shrieks in agony. On stepping closer you see one of its eyes has burst from its socket and it is unable to get up. You can't put it out of its misery; your brief contact with the thing has left you feeling violated, but it seems even more repulsive now.

    A small crowd forms, but does nothing. Everyone seems to share your disgust. Suddenly a truck roars past. You hear a soft wet bursting sound as the abomination is crushed. Lightning flashes overhead and loud peals of thunder follow; then torrents of cold grey rain wash every trace of the vile creature away.

    Your revulsion disappears with it. You are thankful for the rain, though none of the other people notice. They are also crying with relief.
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Comments: 21

donkeykangto [2021-09-24 22:37:20 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

puppyphantom992 [2018-01-19 23:01:50 +0000 UTC]

would have shot it at point blank in the head with a s&w magnum 500 if i was the guy from the story so that its ignoble brain don't think about me anymore xD

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

TerriblyJadedGamer [2017-04-22 13:54:08 +0000 UTC]

Personally, I find this little guy adorable!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

jflaxman In reply to TerriblyJadedGamer [2017-04-28 04:33:08 +0000 UTC]

Whenever I aim for contemptible, someone always loves the result!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

JasperTheShota [2016-10-09 09:47:30 +0000 UTC]

This children is why god gave us the ability to create weapons!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

JasperTheShota In reply to JasperTheShota [2016-10-09 09:48:45 +0000 UTC]

jesus I sound stupid with this comment.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

khergitleader [2016-03-10 10:02:06 +0000 UTC]

who needs sleep

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

MomotsukiNezumi [2015-12-12 00:15:45 +0000 UTC]

Although this creature is undoubtedly repulsive and creepy (at least appearance-wise), something about it begging for love and affection makes me pity it, too. "It also seems to be silently begging you to find it cute." That's just sad, right there. It doesn't actually do anything harmful to the reader (unless staring at you counts, maybe?), so finding it kicked into the street and then run over as a crowd watches is a little saddening to me. It might be really, really ugly, but it seems like it just wanted some love.  

Of course, given that this creature also looks like Mickey Mouse got crossed with a worm and then took way too many drugs, I can also assume this horrifying-looking critter could also be a representation of Disney that's (sadly per the usual, nowadays, given the extreme marketing) trying extra hard to steal your soul by trying to pose as adorable and wholesome when it's the exact opposite. But I digress.     

👍: 3 ⏩: 0

11Doctors [2014-12-28 04:38:19 +0000 UTC]

"That'll teach you to ruin my lunch" This is pretty interesting, almost like a poem dedicated to specifics

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Typical-Dumb-Redneck [2014-11-07 06:39:07 +0000 UTC]

I love how you incorporate such fun stories behind your characters.
They're so fun and its great when you can relate to them.
I can relate to this guy sometimes.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

sevenofeleven [2014-10-07 19:47:11 +0000 UTC]

Thumbs up on this.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Viergacht [2014-07-02 23:13:06 +0000 UTC]

Freaktastic!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

FollowinTheBlackBird [2014-07-02 16:52:06 +0000 UTC]

I think the creepiest thing about this and the story is that in a very warped and disgusting way it is cute. A small child would probably love it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

jflaxman In reply to FollowinTheBlackBird [2014-07-07 00:34:40 +0000 UTC]

You never know what kids will like. Gross-out humour works with some, but then there's inexplicable stuff like Pokemon and Pez dispensers...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FollowinTheBlackBird In reply to jflaxman [2014-07-07 01:50:57 +0000 UTC]

Yeah my son is teaching my Grand Daughter to like that Pokemon. crap I can see it now One of these days she'll be cos-playing puke-n-chew.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Soyom [2014-07-02 11:19:37 +0000 UTC]

This is how I feel about marketing. It's a good thing that you made the worm looks like Mickey, because Disney acts exactly like this. I'm saying Disney, but it could apply to many, many other brands. Trying to dwelve in your skull and to force you to love and accept it, despite being an ugly abomination, and leaving us feeling dirty (thank me, I'm captain obvious). A masterpiece, really.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

jflaxman In reply to Soyom [2014-07-08 05:57:26 +0000 UTC]

"Masterpiece" is a bit much, but I'm glad you like it! The Mickey look was deliberate - while I was finishing this piece I put on the old Mickey Mouse Club march, which has some pretty creepy undertones. I've felt the same about a lot of other marketing.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

NanoAngel [2014-07-02 06:46:52 +0000 UTC]

this is one of your most deepest and forever haunting works there is. The mere short story itself feels as if it is being narrated by this ungodly being....even now im starting to feel a little violated, even after coming out of the shower. Even as i scroll to the bottom typing this review, i feel Mr. Mortimer Foulbody  has slithered into the deep recesses of my Psyche. begging for my love, my acceptance....i feel sick now.


Its good to see you still going Strong. 

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

hunterN05 [2014-07-02 05:33:40 +0000 UTC]

Wow, that fits this picture. I'm pretty sure I'd be dropkicking it into the street myself.

Good work man

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Upirium [2014-07-02 05:27:44 +0000 UTC]

What exactly is going on with this story?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Philiphe [2014-07-02 04:43:21 +0000 UTC]

Six letters: OMG WTF?

Honestly, this Little story is a lot like the creature inside it... It'll haunt me from now...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0