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Jinxdaunluckykitten1 β CARRIE:A new begining part 1 (READ DISC.)
Published: 2012-05-02 22:55:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 359; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 1
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"Doctor,she's waking up! She's finally up from her coma!", she heard a faint voice exclaim through her still not yet woken-up ears."That's wonderful! it's been years,I was about to take her off of life support!",anouther voice filled her ears,the young woman slowly opened and blinked her blurry eyes,"Young lady,can you talk? do you remember anything from the house fire you where in?", asked the nurse,petting the girl's long,blonde hair.To be honest,the girl had no memory left,she didn't even remember her name or how she'd gotten here,to this strange place. Not to mention,she really didn't feel like talking,her throat was sore and dry and she had a migrane,but just so the nurse wouldn't ask anything else,she said the first thought that came to her mind,"What house fire? Where's my mama?",she croaked looking around the room,still very unaware of the strange place.
"She seems to have a small bit of Amnesia." stated the nurse,turning toward the doctor,The doctor got closer to the girl,with a notepad in his hand,he sat on the edge of her bed and looked at her,his hard,blue,eyes meeting hers,"Okay then! um,do you remember your name,miss?", he asked the girl.
The girl slowly nodded her head 'no' and looked down,she noticed that he was writting down something in the notepad he was holding,the man looked up at her again,once more she could see his eyes,very seriously staring into hers.
"Do you remember anything,anything at all,young lady?", he asked her.
The girl looked at him for a bit and answered him,simply,"No.", she watched as he wroteΒ some more on the pad,she blinked her eyes and then looked away.
She heard the doctor discussing something to the nurse,every once in a while she'd hear the name 'Carrietta White' or 'Carrie White' mentioned.
Who was this Carrie girl? Why did the name sound so familiar to the young lady? The doctor tapped her shoulder,the girl turned around to him,"Does the name 'Carrietta White' sound familiar? that,or 'Carrie White?", the girl shrugged and looked down,"Kind of,I've heard it before...I just forgot where." the doctor sighed and once again took the notepad out.
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Comments: 5
I actually look forward to reading more of this. Carrie fanfics always intrigue me, because there are so many different angles that can be explored.
In this case, I'm eager to see what direction this takes. There's her coming to terms with the fact that she's a (accidental) mass murderer, there's the fates of the few survivors... The only thing I'd like to point out: if the doctor recognizes her, this kind of limits the story -- I don't know which version of the story this follows (novel, 1976 movie, or 2002 movie), but in pretty much any event, she'll likely either be a wanted mass murderer or a famous missing teen. Either way, there's going to be a lot of attention on her. Just something to keep in mind as you continue.
Actually, grammar wise, not a lot to comment on (yet. 
>Anyway,I hope you like my (crappy) story!
I'm sure it won't be crappy! If nothing else, it'll still be better than the Norse mythology-laden, prevent-the-tragedy-to-begin-with crap that I'm working on.
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No,I'm sure your stories are great,and Thanks! ^^ I'm really glad you like it and thx 4 the tip! and actually this is following up w/ the '1976' movie,I changed the ending a bit though, unlike her mother ,Margret White,Carrie survied the house falling on her,but it put her in a coma for a while.
She's been missing for sometime now,and the police have been looking for her as well,and I assure you,there will be ALOT of attention on the young lady once she's released from the hospital.
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I gotcha. So, a couple of questions:
- When does the story take place? The 1976 film took place in 1976; I don't know if you plan to move it to present day whilst keeping the events the same, or just deal with the fact that everyone lived in the Stone Age and had no sense of fashion.
- Damage to Chamberlain: In the book and the remake, Carrie's rampage extended to the surrounding neighborhoods and was not limited to her home and her high school. I've read that the 1976 version would have included this, but couldn't due to budget reasons (not because they thought it was a bad idea or anything).
- Death toll: tying in with the above, in the book, Carrie's body count was stated as being upwards of 400. The remake didn't give anything specific, but since it's generally true to the book I'd assume over 400 as well. The movie, however, reduced the damage Carrie caused, and as such I'd put the casualty list at "only" several dozen.
There are a couple of other things I've noticed. Nothing to be concerned about yet, but I'd be aware of this before you start into the story proper:
- Avoid the word "stuff." You really want to be as specific as possible; and if anything more specific isn't possible...well, "stuff" is one of those words you just don't use in storytelling outside of dialogue.
- Not actually an issue I've seen in this little snippet, but I'd just like to point it out: Don't describe stuff that we already know Example: a big no-no would be describing the hospital room as having "a bed, a huge window, and a TV." All hospital rooms have those, to the point where it's probably noteworthy if they don't. Mention, however (for example) the doctor cursing in Turkish as a baby steals his cigar; the obnoxious nurse who strolls the halls singing along to "Sweet Child of Mine" all damn day; and the two guys dressed in SWAT gear and carrying assault rifles standing outside Carrie's room; and it's no longer just any hospital.
>there will be ALOT of attention on the young lady once she's released from the hospital
This ought to be good then. Though I do hope there's not a repeat of the prom night incident.
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Thanks for the tips! ^^ I REALLY appriciate them,I'm still sorta,kinda new to fanfictions,sooo I'm not exactally that good.
And don't worry it WON'T be a repeat of the prom thing,Carrie (once she gets her memory back,or at least,a little bit of it,anyway.) doesn't want to kill or harm anyone else/do anymore damage that she's already done,I can't explain the WHOLE story too you. (That'll ruin it)but it WILL (hopefully) get good and start making sense soon.
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Cool, can't wait to read more.
>Carrie...doesn't want to kill or harm anyone else
Perhaps...but then, it's doubtful she truly wanted to kill anyone at the prom to begin with. Watch the scene again: she's clearly got almost no control over what she's doing.
1976 film: [link]
2002 remake: [link]
>I'm still sorta,kinda new to fanfictions,sooo I'm not exactally that good
Two general bits of advice then:
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