HOME | DD
juliatrotti — closer
Published: 2009-01-04 06:27:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 5159; Favourites: 189; Downloads: 56
Redirect to original
Description
1.she kept the christmas tree
up well past march and its a
strange thing,
your voice
broken and sad
and
the words, no one understood.
but the silence.
oh, the
silence.
2.
and i hum in this
empty house and
your call
echoes and
echoes. the phone
keeps ringing and i
say. i say:
sorry.
and you say:
don't. just --
don't.
3.
but here i am and
there. there you are.
your face as delicate
as your tears today. and
i touch you as if
you're a paper boat,
about to float away. and i
tiptoe
around your thoughts,
afraid i'll wake
you up.
4.
my clothes smell like
you. my skin
smells like you. and
there is a dead tiger
in my bed. we're
caught between
an electrical storm
exploding in the sky and
silence.
5.
i don't think i've
ever loved you more.
Related content
Comments: 50
This is moving and beautiful in so many ways.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I need to learn how you use your style.
Especially the numbering and the brevity.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I really, really enjoyed reading this... it's one of those strange-life-in-a-nutshell things, and you know how sometimes they work and sometimes you can't get through them because they try too hard? This one was wonderful.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
"and i
tiptoe
around your thoughts,
afraid i'll wake
you up."
ah, You speak the truth dear.
I really enjoyed this
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Manditory fav. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I adore this poem. I like the imagery of Christmas trees, paper boats, and tigers.
"my clothes smell like
you. my skin
smells like you."
That's probably my favorite lines.
(Note: "and its a strange thing" should be it's not its?)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
"and i
tiptoe
around your thoughts,
afraid i'll wake
you up."
I do love this especially the part I quote!! Great!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh so brilliant. Felt like being carried along on the waves.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Even if I didn't get what you were saying, emotionally. I think I'd still love it for the poise, and imagery.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Beautiful as always. A poem that is as full of thought, emotion and contradiction as yours has never existed before. You inspire me to look at the world in a different light and somehow, I think I can get through everything that I go through.
You're amazing.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
i left my christmas tree up the whole last year. we're a lazy family. lazzzy lazy lazyy. really. lOl
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I've definetely experienced days like that. Kooky, insightful lyrics, though. It reminds me of 'I am the walrus' by the Beatles. Of course that particular song wasn't as tenderly melancholy. I like it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
sigh. i'm trying not to do the whole favoriteing without commenting thing
but this is one of those things where i just feel like i don't have anything to add. i was tempted not to leave a comment
beautiful work
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
part three was astounding.
part four was a close second
this is amazing. you have serious talent
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is interesting, it fits together in a strange kind of way, a heartwarming kind of way, I like the Christmas tree but
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
bit* christmas tree bit*
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
you've used line-breaks really effectively. the whole atmosphere of the poem is rich with fullness and a sense of striving to be understood.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
this is a gorgeous piece, thank you for sharing yourself
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
i'm not at all a fan of this numbering thing
but the words are nice
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
you have such an unusual way of writing. everything's so powerful, especially the metaphors--like "you're a paper boat, about to float away" :]
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
there is a surprising amount of poets using the numbered stanzahs recently
+ this is nice
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
hey let's
give our thoughts
away
to yesterday.
(we can pretend that
we are spaceships.)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Theres so much beatiful imagery and emotion in this.
I especially like number 3 and
"the words, no one understood.
but the silence.
oh, the
silence."
However, all of this is amazing.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
i loved four.
i loved how you repeated 'silence' in four. it really stands out.
'electrical storm' is a wonderful phrase.
the ending is really power.
and you always make me want to read more.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
The last two lines bring to mind a song.
"And I don't think I've ever loved you more, than when you turned away, when you slammed the door. When you stole the car, and drove towards mexico."
Different sentiment, but I dunno, they were almost the same lines and it kind of feels similar to me.. if that makes any sense.
Song is "Poison Oak" by Bright Eyes btw.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Strong... very powerful.... wow..... the first line really got me. I guess I can kinda relay it to my own life, probably in a different sense. But overall, excellent writing.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
You've inspired me to step away from formal structure so many times while I've read your writing and to just let my emotions pour out and to let my heart tell my fingers what to type and not my brain. The only thing is, I don't think my words would come out as beautifully as the way you put yours, and I think it'd confuse my friends more than a little bit.
But still, from the first time I read your writing, I've loved every bit of it. You're pretty amazing.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
and electrical storm
Think that should be an.
Just. Wow. This poem left me speechless, it really did. Hence the lack of any sensible comment from me.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
oops, thanks for that. i corrected it now =]
and im really glad you liked it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
