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Description
Jack: Between sociopolitical narratives that feel like they were penned by Tom Clancy's ghost-writers, soap opera interludes between gunfights, and literally EVERY Hollywood studio trying to create their own interconnected film universe, Hollywood have performed a funectomy on what used to be the most fun film genre available. Now, I've been an action fan since I first saw the original Dirty Harry all the way back in 1971. As somebody who's been following action for over forty-six years, I have created a simple, step-by-step program to FIX action movies.

Step 1) NO MORE Shaky Cam
Now, my grandson and his friends make a lot of short movies together on their cheap camcorders, many of which I've participated in. I get filming on hand-held cameras. What I DON'T get is making the action sequences look like you hired Michael J. Fox to operate your camera. Trying to follow the action with only ONE eye is enough of a pain in the ass, but I know people with BOTH eyes who have trouble trying to work out what's happening. The only time the camera should be shaking all over the place is if the scene takes place in an earthquake.

Step 2) Pull Back
You can have the camera up close with the actors. You just can't have the camera so close that I can see their pores. When I went to see Taken 3 in the theater, there were several moments where I swear the director had wedged a zoom-lens right up Liam Neeson's asshole. Shoving the camera up close in a fight sequence necessitates flinging it all over the place with the actors. See Step 1 for why this is an issue.

Step 3) Hold the Shot
There's nothing wrong with the occasional quick-cutting to make the action more intense, but cutting to a different shot every half a second just makes it boring. The human brain is not equipped to process imagery coming in at such an accelerated rate of speed. I understand a lot of action movies are shot with a unit separate from the main unit, and they have five or so cameras set up so the director can pick which shots they wanna use in editing, but that doesn't mean you have to use ALL of them. I can't tell you how many modern action movies I've watched with Adam and Daniel, and we'll come to a part where Daniel will say, "Lee and I could do a scene like this and only need to cut to a different shot maybe...three or four times."

Step 4) People Love it When You Blow Shit Up

Step 5) Watch First Blood
Maybe my service in Vietnam has made me more partial to this movie than others, but there's a reason Sylvester Stallone has become synonymous with action movies since introducing the character of John Rambo to moviegoing audiences. Hell, the TRAILER to First Blood is far more visceral than anything Paul Greengrass or Olivier Megaton could dream of crafting. My wife and I saw it on opening day and, right after it was over, I turned to her and said, "This movie is so good that I'm gonna go out there and buying two tickets for the next showing because I wanna see this again!" She wasn't too pleased but, fuck it, I regret absolutely nothing.

Step 6) After You've Finished First Blood, Watch Die Hard
Take notes. And yes, my wife and I watched this one twice in a row at the theater as well.

Step 7) CGI's Fine in Moderation
This isn't the pre-Jurassic Park days, anymore. Audiences are hip to the wonders of computer-generated stuff by now. I understand superhero movies require an overabundance of CGI, so I'm talking to the people who DON'T have Disney money. Don't use CGI to create a stunt. Just DO the stunt. It usually looks way better when you see it done for real, anyway. See also: Need for Speed.

Step 8) Don't be Afraid to Go for an R Rating
One of the many issues I had with Taken was that it was trying to be far grittier than the PG-13 rating will allow. Some movies just shouldn't be made with a PG-13 in mind, especially nowadays when the rating's been neutered down to a glossy sheen. One of the things so refreshing of Olympus Has Fallen and John Wick is that they weren't afraid to go for the R rating and treat the audience like adults. Besides, kids will ALWAYS find a way to see R-rated material.

Step 9) Keep it Simple and Entertaining
Sprawling political conspiracies are fine for a season of 24, but not everything needs to involve massive conspiracies. Going back to John Wick, the purpose for his systematically murdering the entire Russian mob was believable enough for us: the killing of his dog. People like to keep the stakes simple. Also, don't be afraid to have fun with yourself. Too many action movies today take themselves WAY too seriously, and doing that winds up sucking the fun out of the experience. That doesn't mean be self-referential. There's nothing that kills a movie for me faster than a character throwing references from clear outta the blue like the writer's trying to be Quentin Tarantino. All it does is make me wanna watch something else. You're RIGHT, movie; I SHOULD be watching Commando. Before you ask, yes, I like the Expendables movies, but those films do the self-referential thing right.

Step 10) Give Us Reasons to Give a Shit About the Hero
Action movie protagonists don't have to be down on their luck. They don't have to have relationship issues. They don't need to have PTSD or drinking problems. Nine times outta ten, giving these "quirks" to your protagonist just makes them look like a complete schmuck. Just make them relatable. Show them playing with their kids. Show them having a good time with some friends. Put them in church; though not in the "character goes to church for guidance before the big climax" manner. If they're grieving over the loss of a loved one, show them doing that. Also, don't show a relative die as a means of using a plot device. It's just...not dramatic anymore. Stop trying to be Death Wish. Also, since I mentioned it: Fuck you, Eli Roth, for remaking Death Wish. I love Bruce Willis, but Bruce Willis is NO Charles Bronson.

Just follow these easy steps, and you can elevate action movies out of the literal hole they've been dug into by modern cinema. But, hey, I'm an old fart. What do I know, right?

Description
Jack: Between sociopolitical narratives that feel like they were penned by Tom Clancy's ghost-writers, soap opera interludes between gunfights, and literally EVERY Hollywood studio trying to create their own interconnected film universe, Hollywood have performed a funectomy on what used to be the most fun film genre available. Now, I've been an action fan since I first saw the original Dirty Harry all the way back in 1971. As somebody who's been following action for over forty-six years, I have created a simple, step-by-step program to FIX action movies.

Step 1) NO MORE Shaky Cam
Now, my grandson and his friends make a lot of short movies together on their cheap camcorders, many of which I've participated in. I get filming on hand-held cameras. What I DON'T get is making the action sequences look like you hired Michael J. Fox to operate your camera. Trying to follow the action with only ONE eye is enough of a pain in the ass, but I know people with BOTH eyes who have trouble trying to work out what's happening. The only time the camera should be shaking all over the place is if the scene takes place in an earthquake.

Step 2) Pull Back
You can have the camera up close with the actors. You just can't have the camera so close that I can see their pores. When I went to see Taken 3 in the theater, there were several moments where I swear the director had wedged a zoom-lens right up Liam Neeson's asshole. Shoving the camera up close in a fight sequence necessitates flinging it all over the place with the actors. See Step 1 for why this is an issue.

Step 3) Hold the Shot
There's nothing wrong with the occasional quick-cutting to make the action more intense, but cutting to a different shot every half a second just makes it boring. The human brain is not equipped to process imagery coming in at such an accelerated rate of speed. I understand a lot of action movies are shot with a unit separate from the main unit, and they have five or so cameras set up so the director can pick which shots they wanna use in editing, but that doesn't mean you have to use ALL of them. I can't tell you how many modern action movies I've watched with Adam and Daniel, and we'll come to a part where Daniel will say, "Lee and I could do a scene like this and only need to cut to a different shot maybe...three or four times."

Step 4) People Love it When You Blow Shit Up

Step 5) Watch First Blood
Maybe my service in Vietnam has made me more partial to this movie than others, but there's a reason Sylvester Stallone has become synonymous with action movies since introducing the character of John Rambo to moviegoing audiences. Hell, the TRAILER to First Blood is far more visceral than anything Paul Greengrass or Olivier Megaton could dream of crafting. My wife and I saw it on opening day and, right after it was over, I turned to her and said, "This movie is so good that I'm gonna go out there and buying two tickets for the next showing because I wanna see this again!" She wasn't too pleased but, fuck it, I regret absolutely nothing.

Step 6) After You've Finished First Blood, Watch Die Hard
Take notes. And yes, my wife and I watched this one twice in a row at the theater as well.

Step 7) CGI's Fine in Moderation
This isn't the pre-Jurassic Park days, anymore. Audiences are hip to the wonders of computer-generated stuff by now. I understand superhero movies require an overabundance of CGI, so I'm talking to the people who DON'T have Disney money. Don't use CGI to create a stunt. Just DO the stunt. It usually looks way better when you see it done for real, anyway. See also: Need for Speed.

Step 8) Don't be Afraid to Go for an R Rating
One of the many issues I had with Taken was that it was trying to be far grittier than the PG-13 rating will allow. Some movies just shouldn't be made with a PG-13 in mind, especially nowadays when the rating's been neutered down to a glossy sheen. One of the things so refreshing of Olympus Has Fallen and John Wick is that they weren't afraid to go for the R rating and treat the audience like adults. Besides, kids will ALWAYS find a way to see R-rated material.

Step 9) Keep it Simple and Entertaining
Sprawling political conspiracies are fine for a season of 24, but not everything needs to involve massive conspiracies. Going back to John Wick, the purpose for his systematically murdering the entire Russian mob was believable enough for us: the killing of his dog. People like to keep the stakes simple. Also, don't be afraid to have fun with yourself. Too many action movies today take themselves WAY too seriously, and doing that winds up sucking the fun out of the experience. That doesn't mean be self-referential. There's nothing that kills a movie for me faster than a character throwing references from clear outta the blue like the writer's trying to be Quentin Tarantino. All it does is make me wanna watch something else. You're RIGHT, movie; I SHOULD be watching Commando. Before you ask, yes, I like the Expendables movies, but those films do the self-referential thing right.

Step 10) Give Us Reasons to Give a Shit About the Hero
Action movie protagonists don't have to be down on their luck. They don't have to have relationship issues. They don't need to have PTSD or drinking problems. Nine times outta ten, giving these "quirks" to your protagonist just makes them look like a complete schmuck. Just make them relatable. Show them playing with their kids. Show them having a good time with some friends. Put them in church; though not in the "character goes to church for guidance before the big climax" manner. If they're grieving over the loss of a loved one, show them doing that. Also, don't show a relative die as a means of using a plot device. It's just...not dramatic anymore. Stop trying to be Death Wish. Also, since I mentioned it: Fuck you, Eli Roth, for remaking Death Wish. I love Bruce Willis, but Bruce Willis is NO Charles Bronson.

Just follow these easy steps, and you can elevate action movies out of the literal hole they've been dug into by modern cinema. But, hey, I'm an old fart. What do I know, right?