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KrystalSpring β Affection
Published: 2010-11-24 05:20:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 855; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 2
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Description
The brush of skin when you stroke my face,The taste when we kiss is like wine,
My light and my love, you are intoxicating,
I'm so glad I can call you mine.
My hand is so small when you hold it in yours,
Your arm is a circle of protection,
Your eyes are swirling pools of love,
When we make that connection.
When I am with you I am a whole,
When we're apart I feel an emptiness,
Like a vast plain of isolation,
It rains cold tears of sadness.
Your face shines just like the sun,
Brightening my day and existence,
Dancing on the clouds above,
Gravity causes no resistance.
Sweep me up off my feet,
And hold me in a tight embrace,
I'm proud to say "I'm always yours",
As you lean down to kiss my face.
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Comments: 8
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Well I think you hit the nail on the head...great job
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It is a very sweet and romantic piece. The rhythm could use a bit of tuning; when syllable counts on each line vary too much, even the best of rhymes seem a bit shaky. If you finetuned them a bit, this could be a powerful piece.
"Dancing on the clouds above,
Gravity causes no resistance."
Are my favorite lines. No clichΓ©s, just simple and awesome expression.
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Thank you for your well put comment! I agree, there are a few lines that left me scratching me head as how to make them flow a bit better. I may have to sit one day and try to iron them out...
I'm glad you enjoyed and thanks for the praise
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Beautiful 
I like it
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Thank you
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your welcome
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