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lightkeeping
Published: 2018-10-25 19:24:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 1635; Favourites: 98; Downloads: 0
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As you pick up the lantern in front of you, you find it filled with a busy, buzzing flurry of lights. Somebody stuffed fireflies into this one - not the proper thing at all. You unfasten the latch, open the door; the little bugs stream out gratefully. They bathe the wayside in a faint glow for a moment, then vanish in the pitch-black of the Long Night one by one.
You settle down cross-legged and gently put the empty lantern onto your lap to dream up a star.
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Comments: 19
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This leaves the reader with so much to think about - it is short, yet worth reading more than once.
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This is beautiful. Congratulations on a very well deserved DD.
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Hello & Merry Critmas!
I really love how this piece teeters between a poem and flash fiction. In fact, if you called this a poem, Iβd believe you. It works just fine as you categorized it, though, donβt get me wrong.
A poet that dabbles in a paragraph format is Mark Strand. He writes some really cool things, and Iβve become obsessed with poems in a paragraph instead of a stanza. I mean, itβs really just one long stanza without line breaks!Β
Thatβs why I think this piece could double as a poem, if you wanted. Thereβs so much lovely imagery, and a much grander allusion: Long Night. It makes good for world-building, as a flash fiction piece. As a poem, it makes for good symbolism, metaphor. As for literature, it makes good for all those things. I love the hopeful tone you have here, too. Itβs so beautiful.
If I have one suggestion at all, it would be to change a semi-colon to an emdash. Although, itβs a subjective thing. Both are correct. Anyway, the sentence: βYou unfasten the latch, open the door; the little bugs stream out gratefully.β I think would benefit from the emdash: βYou unfasten the latch, open the doorβthe little bugs stream out gratefully.β
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Lovely work 
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Thank you, I am very glad
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I like what you did with the ending there.Β
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Very nicely done!!
Congratulations on your much deserved DD! Β
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Oh, that last sentence! It rises from the perfect prep of the preceding paragraph and takes you away to dreams and images.
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I cannot thank you enough for such a lovely comment. β‘ I hope you'll enjoy the new year!
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