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Published: 2004-06-17 02:17:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 470; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 30
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Description
I said to him “Well, what do you know about SUNSHINE?”And he said “Why don’t you let me teach you about PAIN?”
I told him “You’re a dragon just waiting to happen.”
He replied “You’ll get wet standing out in the rain.”
You said “I like telling lies with my mouth closed.”
And I said ”I write graffiti in invisible ink.”
I confessed “Sometimes your words suffocate me.”
You admitted “ I often eavesdrop while you think.”
I snapped “Your eye candy makes me sick to my stomach.”
He told me “You know, love is a four letter word.”
He advised “Say the words that are scary the loudest.”
I sighed “You say the only ones I’ve ever heard.”
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Comments: 11
blackerthanshadows [2004-09-07 03:59:58 +0000 UTC]
I really like this piece, it remindes me of a particular deviant friend of mine. It showcases the chaos of thought.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
laura-mars In reply to blackerthanshadows [2004-09-07 04:08:19 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. Hmm... "showcases the chaos of thought" ... I like that. I appriciate the fav too, it makes me feel loved.
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Forced-Life [2004-07-04 02:00:31 +0000 UTC]
I like how it's all a jumbled mess, yet fits so well... the only thing I would change is "you said I said it said" over and over.. for me it got over done to fast
but thats just me
-Rin
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laura-mars In reply to Forced-Life [2004-07-08 01:41:00 +0000 UTC]
Ehhg, now that I look at it the repitition of the 'i said, he said' is rather nerve grating isn't it?
Ick, I don't think I can fix it though, my brain wants it to stay the way it is.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
sophaking [2004-06-21 15:57:12 +0000 UTC]
Wow, great job Em! This one's sad, but it's beautiful. I love the last line, it makes the "you" in the story seem really dependent. Anything behind this?
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laura-mars In reply to sophaking [2004-07-01 02:22:06 +0000 UTC]
I am depentent on him to be undependible. My nightmare man.
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smurfette1333 [2004-06-17 02:39:07 +0000 UTC]
That's a wonderful poem, and the style is very original. I love the conflicting opinions, you represent each side with very expressive words.
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laura-mars In reply to smurfette1333 [2004-06-17 03:33:40 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much, it was actualy just a flailing attempt at obscurity. I'm glad that it turned out okay.
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bananamanreject [2004-06-17 02:20:09 +0000 UTC]
That's excellent.
I had something very similar in my head - but you managed it far better than I ever could.
So yeah, well done's to you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
laura-mars In reply to bananamanreject [2004-06-17 02:31:31 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! I think I'd like to hear what yours would sound like. If you write it, let me know so I can read it!
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bananamanreject In reply to laura-mars [2004-06-17 12:22:30 +0000 UTC]
heehee.. ok, sure thing. I will do indeed.
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