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Published: 2008-08-04 20:26:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 172; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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CHAPTER 15: THE TOWER_____________From the front, the tower looked way bigger than in my vision. The tower was so high that it reached beyond the clouds. I tried to walk inside but my dumb feet wouldn’t move. I couldn’t get over my nerves. Ken lifted me onto his back and as we walked inside, comforted me about how everything was going to be okay. After a while of mental preparation, I decided that I could walk on my own. I had gotten over my nerves. I was ready for the fight ahead. We climbed a few pokemon-infested floors with much difficulty. The pokemon here were not only rare, but strong to say the least. A claydol nearly zapped me with psychic when Ken saved me. We had to battle our way through blockades and rooms filled to the ceiling with pokemon. We were at the front of our fifth set of stairs when we finally sat down for a breather. After a few minutes, I felt a weird sense come over me. I felt like we were being watched. I looked all around but I couldn’t see anything. I looked above and saw something hanging from the ceiling. When it noticed that I saw it, it started to dive bomb at us.
“GET DOWN!!!” We ducked in time to dodge the pokemon’s attack. When I saw it in front of us, I realized that we were fighting a Gliscore.
“In order to proceed you must go through me!” It said. “Even against the four of you I will win!”
“Oh yeah?” I said “See some of my bubblebeam and say it again!” I shot bubblebeam straight at him and as I released the bubblebeam he vanished right in front of us. I got stung in the back by his stinger and I fell to the ground feeling very sick.
“Hah!” Gliscore said with a victorious grin. “Now you’re poisoned! Do you think you can still battle while your energy is slowly draining?”
“You’ll pay!” Ken said and he leapt forward with a sucker punch ready. Gliscore blocked the attack and knocked him to the ground with his wing.
“Aw did I touch a nerve?”
“Flamethrower!” Chimchar shot flamethrower at Gliscore. Gliscore barley dodged.
“Oh you almost got me!”
“Metal claw!” Kinichi missed and almost landed on Chimchar.
“Think you can hit me? Let’s see you try to hit me now! Double team!” Gliscore sped around us so fast the it seemed like he made clones of him. I tried to get up and fight but the poison was really getting to me. Chimchar gave me a pecha berry to cure the poison. “Ken use vacuum-cut. He can’t dodge that. No matter what happens, don’t lose the focus.” I instructed.
“Got it.” He started to ready vacuum-cut.
“Oh no you don’t!” Gliscore cancelled double team and charged at Ken with his stinger ready.
“Now!” Kinichi shot flamethrower at Gliscore. As he dodged, Chimchar fired his flamethrower, which scored a direct hit. I then came up and used arial ace. After I hit, Ken released vacuum-cut and finished Gliscore off.
“How did you beat me?” Gliscore was surprised at his defeat.
“We used team work.” I said. We walked up the stairs and continued with our climb.
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Comments: 4
lovetheangelshadow [2008-08-04 20:34:04 +0000 UTC]
Forgive me for saying this but the flow of the words feels a little jerky to me. It might just be the format the DA software put it in I dunno. It almost has a start stop feel to it (and yes I have played the game so I know how it runs) I do not say these things to be mean, you may ignore my suggestion if you like.
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lazynerd In reply to lovetheangelshadow [2008-08-04 20:55:28 +0000 UTC]
no actually i need criticism (srry for spelling) this is my first fanfic and i need to know what to improve on. and after rereading i see what you mean. these kind of comments is what i've been waiting for since chapter 1. thank you for telling me this. other than that, though, how is the story itself? that was my biggest concern when i started writing this.
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lovetheangelshadow In reply to lazynerd [2008-08-05 03:07:51 +0000 UTC]
Hmm...not bad. But I'm the wrong person to ask I think. Granted I do some novel writing of my own, but I am a poor judge of fan fiction
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lazynerd In reply to lovetheangelshadow [2008-08-05 04:40:38 +0000 UTC]
thnx for the input anyway ^-^.
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