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LegendarySim — Innocense
Published: 2012-04-14 20:26:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 233; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 9
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Description Take my hand and
I'll show you the ropes.

I'll be your guide
for the next decade
or two.

No need to fear
for I will always be here.

I will teach you
the ways of the world.
Then I will teach you
the right way.

Sometimes you may lose your way
and trip.
But never fear...

Fall down seven times?
Get up eight.

I'll be sure that
you never falter
and be wise.
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Comments: 12

TransientTopHat [2012-04-16 04:57:13 +0000 UTC]

You have a good sense for enjambment, pacing and line breaks. And the story that was the spark for writing this poem is great--I'd honestly like to see more of that spark come into this piece. Bring yourself in more, and bring the boy and his cardboard box arcade in more. These unique images will ground the work, and give the reader even more to hold on to.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

LegendarySim In reply to TransientTopHat [2012-04-16 05:27:32 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for this wonderful comment.

I'll to my best to work on it so stick around

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TransientTopHat In reply to LegendarySim [2012-04-16 05:39:11 +0000 UTC]

Great, I'll keep my eye out for it. You seem to have a great work ethic.

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LegendarySim In reply to TransientTopHat [2012-04-16 05:44:16 +0000 UTC]

You can call it that if you want. I am just artistic enough to know when something is complete or not. And I will say this isn't entirely complete. It is just something I got out as fast as I could to make sure I didn't forget about the idea and concept.

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zara-a-tryste [2012-04-16 00:04:45 +0000 UTC]

This is beautiful

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LegendarySim In reply to zara-a-tryste [2012-04-16 00:54:33 +0000 UTC]

Thanks

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zara-a-tryste In reply to LegendarySim [2012-04-17 01:55:45 +0000 UTC]

Welcome.

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XJNG [2012-04-15 01:28:16 +0000 UTC]

This is a decent poem, but I'm FAR more enthused by your explanation. That's a wonderful anecdote!

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XJNG In reply to XJNG [2012-04-15 01:29:16 +0000 UTC]

I can't be sure about this, but I think 'Innocence' is spelt with a C. Maybe it's a American thing?

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LegendarySim In reply to XJNG [2012-04-15 02:16:01 +0000 UTC]

Yeah I got it wrong.

I am starting to get randomly inspired for poems by the advice of one my readers. He said I should take a little more notice into daily situation no matter how petty they seem.

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WriteByNumbers [2012-04-14 20:30:14 +0000 UTC]

Wow! Very nice, and the meaning behind it really makes the poem.

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LegendarySim In reply to WriteByNumbers [2012-04-15 04:17:53 +0000 UTC]

thanks for the comment

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