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LegendarySim — She
Published: 2012-05-29 00:28:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 673; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 8
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"Don't you think she's hitting you hard?"I tell you. Your facial expression: taken aback.
"No...I didn't mean she actually hits you."
I'd kill her if she did; I hope you know.
I quiver slightly. You must hear my thoughts.
"I just don't think she's right for you."
I feel the sizzle from that sting.
Your longing gaze asks a simple question.
"I just feel she brings you down."
You're meant to do better than
she could ever do. That's fact.
You speak: "The sex is good."
But that only cures the itch.
"And I certainly hope it is" I pause.
I do it for the effect.
"Because at the end of the day,
that's all you have with her."
Pow! Right in the kisser.
Yeah. Yep. Yes. Okay. I'm sorry.
Are my words behind your anger.
"What I really mean is..." I pause.
I need the accurate thoughts.
"I guess what I mean is...
I love you too deeply for
you throw your life away."
Your eyes show your approval.
"You always fall into these traps."
God, do I hate it. You always fall hard.
"I just don't want you to destroy your life."
You tell me it's your life and you'll
do what ever you want.
"Just know that I love you." I pause.
You don't even throw me a bone.
"I wouldn't want to see anything
bad or something happen to you."
Not even a nod back.
Comments: 20
I hope whatever your friend is having troubles with clears up soon.
Powerful message you have there.
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Thanks. Your comment is greatly appreciated.
I would also like to thank you for favoriting this poem and adding me to your Watch List.
I won't dissapoint. I promise.
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No problem.
I don't think you will dissapoint. You don't really watch someone unless you like what they have to offer, do you?
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If sex in any way is related to itching, you really should see a doctor...
j/k. I hope your friend is ok.
And it's a great poem.
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Definitely and interesting twist. A mix between stream of con. and poetry is something quite rarely seen.
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So awesome
[link] Please I would like some advice on my writing. 
I would like your advice and experteeze.
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Hm. Not sure how to comment on this one. A stream-of-consciousness executed quite well by the brief, snappy lines.
5th stanza: I just don't want you [to] destroy your life.
You tell me it[']s your life.
Whatever's one word.
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Thanks! It always helps when you have an extra set of eyes to get the stuff I quick mind forgets. I can't believe how well and how fast the poem was received. I kinda just 'wrote it' almost as something to myself to keep myself satisfied.
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I got sorta confused as to who was thinking or talking in this. I'm sorry
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I don't know how to say this. I meant it to be a bit confusing in the sense that I am pretty much talking to myself with someone else's personality. But it should be clear that there are two 'voices' and when they actually speak.
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Yea, I got that there were two voices. I think I get it now. ^^
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If you can point out where you got lost the first time that would help me out....perhaps it does need to be rewritten,
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Hmm, I'll try my best...
"I quiver slightly. You must hear my thoughts." <---This made me wonder why you quivered. (But other than that, I got what was happening :3.)
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It foreshadows the actions of person the speaker is speaking to.
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...I think I get it :/.
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A lot of writing is knowing the writer. If you knew my motives and had a better understand of why I wrote this it would make a whole lot more sense. To you I imagine its just a random string of words.
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Nah, I can see that it's a conversation. I just got confused by that one bit, cause I thought the person you were speaking too should shiver or something.
I suck at explaining...:/
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