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Hi uh so.... I don't really know how to start ><,,,,.

Basically, I've struggled with basic forms of self-hate. I wouldn't quite self-diagnose myself with "depression", but I find myself hating myself a lot. The type of self-hate I have most of the time is in the form of feeling normal. Yes, you're right, I feel too normal. I have always wanted to be special, interesting, someone I can be proud of, or have something I can be proud of, but seeing everyone around me just being better, and special, I dunno. It's nobody's fault, of course. Comparing yourself with others is entirely YOU, but it's one of my selfish gripes. I am extremely self-aware to the point where I hate posting stuff like this, and I know what I'm getting into. To elaborate on the first point I made(Is this an essay?) I know a lot of people hate feeling special, and just wanna be normal, but for me it's the other way around. I want to feel different, but I suck at it, as practically everything I do is inspired, and I'm just not original, or special. It's not the people around me that make me feel this way, everyone I know is actually really supportive and kind!(Thanks) It's just me. The looming thought that I'm too average, too normal, too boring. One of my friends once told me: "You're one of the funnest people I know! I don't want you to keep feeling like this". But it just goes in one ear and out the other (I'm a selfish prick, right?). I want to be different, but there's always gonna be a normality that just makes me feel average.... It drives me insane how naturally quirky everyone around me is, but I just feel normal... Sameness. Hell, sometimes I want to have some sort of illness, just to feel out of the crowd. Its not OK, nobody should feel like that. Nobody should support feeling like that. But sometimes I feel like that, and it makes me want to choke on a lead spoon... That's all, thanks for coming to my ted-talk. (whole essay tho)

Description
Hi uh so.... I don't really know how to start ><,,,,.

Basically, I've struggled with basic forms of self-hate. I wouldn't quite self-diagnose myself with "depression", but I find myself hating myself a lot. The type of self-hate I have most of the time is in the form of feeling normal. Yes, you're right, I feel too normal. I have always wanted to be special, interesting, someone I can be proud of, or have something I can be proud of, but seeing everyone around me just being better, and special, I dunno. It's nobody's fault, of course. Comparing yourself with others is entirely YOU, but it's one of my selfish gripes. I am extremely self-aware to the point where I hate posting stuff like this, and I know what I'm getting into. To elaborate on the first point I made(Is this an essay?) I know a lot of people hate feeling special, and just wanna be normal, but for me it's the other way around. I want to feel different, but I suck at it, as practically everything I do is inspired, and I'm just not original, or special. It's not the people around me that make me feel this way, everyone I know is actually really supportive and kind!(Thanks) It's just me. The looming thought that I'm too average, too normal, too boring. One of my friends once told me: "You're one of the funnest people I know! I don't want you to keep feeling like this". But it just goes in one ear and out the other (I'm a selfish prick, right?). I want to be different, but there's always gonna be a normality that just makes me feel average.... It drives me insane how naturally quirky everyone around me is, but I just feel normal... Sameness. Hell, sometimes I want to have some sort of illness, just to feel out of the crowd. Its not OK, nobody should feel like that. Nobody should support feeling like that. But sometimes I feel like that, and it makes me want to choke on a lead spoon... That's all, thanks for coming to my ted-talk. (whole essay tho)