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I hate. . . A confession

I hate that I can't turn to friends openly with my real life problems.
I hate how I have manic depressive disorder.
I hate how I have to take pills everyday just to keep me sane.
I hate how I seriously consider suicide when I'm down.
I hate how people look good in photos.
I hate how I've written a hundred suicide notes hoping someone would read one of
them.
I hate how I search the internet for the quickest possible method of suicide.
I hate how I once almost committed suicide because I didn't have anyone to take
for prom at highschool.
I hate the fact that I'm not in a mental ward.
I hate how I confessed the statement above.
I hate how ashamed I am after confessing that.
I hate how people look at me when I'm doing the groceries.
I hate how I don't have a meaningful childhood.
I hate how I didn't have a partner during High school prom.
I hate how I was bullied at Gradeschool to Highschool.
I hate how I don't have any memories to share during my highschool.
I hate how everyone takes things so seriously.
I hate how I look at a happy couple in public and think that I'd never experience
that.
I hate how I'm always care-free.
I hate how I never get angry despite the fact that I should be.
I hate anime. I don't find those interesting.
I hate people talking about anime. I never relate and feel 'left-out'
I hate how my neighbours are insensitive bastards.
I hate people who gossip.
I hate how there's no one at home but me.
I hate how I can't cook.
I hate that there's no one to greet me and ask me "How did school went?" at home.
I hate that there's no one to kiss me good-night after a rough day.
I hate how no one tells me "Everything will be fine" when I'm down.
I hate that I can't lean on any shoulder to cry on.
I hate how my life revolves around the internet.
I hate how no one exactly knows me.
I hate how I never trust everyone.
I hate how I can't open myself up except to my psychiatrist.
I hate how embarassing it is to admit that I see a psychiatrist.
I hate how my psychiatrist talks to me more than my parents.
I hate that I'm very forgetful.
I hate that people think I'm weird for not eating rice.
I hate that I can't publicly express my views or my troubles without the
possibility of being called an attention whore behind my back.
I hate how no one knows what's going on with my life.
I hate that no one cares.
I hate that I don't care.
I hate how I sometimes question my own religion when I'm down.
I hate how I blame God for my problems and not myself.
I hate how I chose this lonely path.
I hate how the media affects the way I live.
I hate having a cold.
I hate that I have nothing better to do than writing this.
I hate when people judge other people.
I hate that I judge other people.
I hate college couples being happy and acting while they're together.
I hate sitting next to a happy couple whenever I eat alone at Mcdonalds.
I hate that I have to use the words, "I'll treat you ___" just for people to come
with me and hang out.
I hate that I have no plans with my life.
I hate how I secretly hate my friends.
I hate that as I'm writing this, I'm thinking of suicide again.
I hate that I'm still breathing.
I hate the fact that as life goes on, everything becomes worse.
I hate reading school books.
I hate when I'm forced to be a leader.
I hate how people are smarter than me.
I hate how I can't properly understand math.
I hate how I can't dance.
I hate how I can't sing.
I hate when people force me to sing or dance.
I hate when I sing and people jokingly call me that I can sing.
I hate people who act cool.
I hate myself when I try to act cool and realize I'm never gonna be 'cool'.
I hate that there's no standard definition of 'cool' and 'normal'.
I hate people who smoke.
I hate people who talk loud.
I hate myself that I rant with everything.
I hate how I'm sometimes talkative.
I hate when people actually point out that I'm not talking enough.
I hate how I never receive gifts at Christmas.
I hate how I try to act tough.
I hate that my parents would probably read this.
I hate that I'm not a fun person.
I hate how I make other people laugh but can't laugh when other people try to
entertain me.
I hate how my friends are happy.
I hate how I'm talked badly about when I try to help people.
I hate when other people try to 'fight' with my friends.
I hate people who hate gay people.
I hate gay people.
I hate how I want things that I can't have.
I hate how I'm won't experience raising kids in the future.
I hate how I'm going to grow old and alone.
I hate how I have high standards when it comes with women.
I hate how I have no other decent social interaction than Facebook.
I hate how I'm addicted to Facebook.
I hate how my friends have more interesting social life than me.
I hate how I try so hard to be 'special'.
I hate how people ridicule me when it comes to my taste of classical music.
I hate how people hate me for liking classical music.
I hate crying for hours and realizing no one will comfort me.
I hate how I cry myself to sleep when I have a bad day.
I hate how I feel like noone cares.
I hate how I'm going insane.
I hate that I'm not insane but wished I was so I could be put to a mental ward.
I hate that I feel like dying.
I hate people that ask me "What's wrong" but I can't really tell and just reply
"Nothing is wrong".
I hate how people reply hours after I sent a message.
I hate how people make stupid jokes of other people.
I hate myself for hoping of another World War.
I hate how I try to be "positive" but realize there's nothing to be positive
about.
I hate the feeling that I'm currently feeling.
I hate how people would ridicule this post and tell me to "Get over it" or "Stop
being a cry-baby".
I hate how Filipinos are proud to be Filipinos despite the fact that there's
nothing to be proud of.
I hate how I can't memorize stuff.
I hate how embarrassing all the stuff I've confessed.
I hate how my psychiatrist forced me to make an 'I hate' list.
I hate how he told me to post it so that I could feel somewhat better.
I hate how I try so hard to please everyone but no one pleases me.
I hate everything bad that I've done.
I hate how I lie to even the tiniest of questions.
I hate how I feel good when I'm higher than someone at an exam.
I hate myself for not showing any emotions.
I hate myself attempting to believe that love exists.
I hate myself for forcing myself to believe that I have no future.
I hate how I slowly accept that 'I have no future' everytime I remind myself.
I hate how nothing will change after I make this 'I hate' list.
I hate how I forgot what a kiss or hug felt like.
I hate how I can't remember when my parents last hugged and kissed me on the
cheeks.
I hate when the song "Cha-cha" or any 'Willie Reviliame' [Screw the spelling]
songs play everytime I skim channels.
I hate how I hate a lot of things.

Lastly, I hate me with a burning passion.

---------------
First off, this was a dare by my doctor. He said I can skip five meetings
if I did this. The original activity was to write an 'I hate' list and
read it aloud in front of him. He added the dare since I told him
I'd start school tomorrow. And that I need all the time I could get
for studies. Anyways. Here it is.

note: I removed/edited some parts of the I hate. Others are 'too personal'