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Description
Hello my excellent friends. I guess the few of you who actually enjoyed My Lethal Ponies were thinking that I have quit this stuff. That I have decided to move to a more popular MLP stuff because I am an attention hording prick.
No, oh no. On the contrary, this is just the beginning. The war has only just begun and those alicorns of the sun and moon are yet to exchange their most deadly blows.

And what is the best way to start a conflict? With some groundbreaking tech resulting from numerous generous investements of the Divine Empress Solar Flare of the Celestial Empire into new possibilities of controlled destruction of course.
The result? Not nearly good enough. Not because the first combat carriage with its own propulsion Equestria has ever seen is bad. In fact quiet the opposite. The amour is so resistant, the tracks instead of wheels are excellent for a variety of terains, the flame thrower strikes fear into the most courageous of batponies. Not that it is very hard, these guys avoid sunlight and warmth of the day however they can.
What was the problem? Stupidity of course. Mere ponies werent apparently advanced enough to comprehend the tools given to them. Calling the vehicle all-terrain made the drivers believe they can move wherever they want, even a deep river. No swimmng skills were requiered for this post so that made situation even more splendid. The high power flame thrower caused an onrush of badass feeling as drivers fired it off only to realize they hit nothing because, big surprise, the range is not as good as your typical hoofgun and the ammo reserve is not endless. The excellent armour was seemigly perfect, capable of stopping most of projectiles and spells. The one thing everypony seemed to forget is that it is only the front armor and there are airborne pegasi and sneaky raiders who methodically avoid frontal confrontation.

But let's skip all the bad stuff and look at the present situation. The training procedures have been updated and the desing itself has been improved. The driver seat now has a "Drive safely" sign to discourage any reckless behaviour. The fire trigger now has a mechanism linking it with the main canon. Meaing that the longer you hold it down, the hotter it gets. Better watch your fire if you don't want to burn your hooves off. And of course, the most essential part of any sort of military unit, an officers to bash you if you do something wrong.
Among that there are also many neat modifications, the front armour doubled in size to provide cover for earth ponies. The speed was increased, though a normal carriage can still easily outrun this massive beast. Whether said carriage remains intact as it is targetted is another question. The addition of an inside compartment for picnic baskets is more critical than one might think. On one ocassion, the crew exited the vehicle to have lunch, leaving it open for a stray lunar trooper. Now you can dine inside and no more incidents may occur. Not without a culprit to be burned anyway. The tank also has many useless parts like decorative plating for some reason. Don't ask me why, I don't know. Could be useful for something even if that one thing is the morale boost, the satisfaction of seeing the shiny killing machine at work.

Taking out a tank now looks quiet problematic for the Lunarist resistance. Even if they manage to exploit its slow speed and penetrate ist weak spots there is still the danger of highly flammable fuel. Should the engine or ammunition be damaged there are only few seconds before the whole thing is going to pop, causing everypony, friend or foe, trot as fast as possible. Fortunatelly the NLR have a technique to deal with this situation:
Trot away and don't look back because you want to see a cool explosion unless you also want a swift makeover. As you hear the exlosion, duck as fast as you can. When you feel the warm feeling on you back, head or flank that gets very irritating very quickly, congrats. You are alive and feel pain. That means no serious injuries. Also, you are on fire. Now for the most complex part, get on your back and start rolling, MOVE IT.
Have you followed these instructions? Great, than you are alive and therefore have no right to complain about NLR techniques. They saved your life, have some respect. Just so you know, those burned marks look hot!

Solar Army also has a safety measure for the crew in case of an explosion. The driver cabin as strong as the front armor and completely fireproof. So as the tank blows up the cabin is launched and the crew is protected against fire. Not against hard bumps though. Unlike exposure to radical change in temperature, you will be able to shake those off, more or less. In a few days it's back into the oven. Filthy Lunarists ain't gonna burn themselves. The Celestial Empress knows how to motivate her troops. That is why we have public immolations of the icompetent and cowardly. Pain is the best teacher and if you won't learn to take the bumps yourself, you will be schooled with some outsied help.

For reasons stated above, it is not easy to be a tank driver. Nopony really cares, because controlling one of these beasts feels so good and the best things in the world are always difficult to achieve. Even as NLR keep coming with new and new methods to take you on. Like shadowbolt Rainbow Dash, what a daring mare she is. One day she visited the carriage gunners and asked them:
"Hey, can you eggheads maybe come up with some harpoon and an ultra strong rope. I got some moves that will totally off those lame looking machines. I will just use my incredible speed to flip them over as you harpoon them and strap the rope to me. Don't know what you guys are so worked up about, I am giving you gold here. You just got your ultimate victory strategy."
Being as crazy as it sounds they of course approved it. Whats the worst that can happen? Dash can stay strapped onto the tank, because she did not asked for something to disengage the rope if her insanely smart plan works out. She will have to circle around it until the "eggheads" come around to do their magic. Some might say she would die out there but hey, this is Rainbow frickin Dash and she cant afford death. Not before she gets that captain promotion and have her own shadowbolt squad.

So what have we learned today? Now matter how cool a tank it is, it will never defeat Rainbow Dash because she always remains 20% cooler. Though she requiers a steady supply of cider and praise to do her work, a costly weapon indeed.

Description
Hello my excellent friends. I guess the few of you who actually enjoyed My Lethal Ponies were thinking that I have quit this stuff. That I have decided to move to a more popular MLP stuff because I am an attention hording prick.
No, oh no. On the contrary, this is just the beginning. The war has only just begun and those alicorns of the sun and moon are yet to exchange their most deadly blows.

And what is the best way to start a conflict? With some groundbreaking tech resulting from numerous generous investements of the Divine Empress Solar Flare of the Celestial Empire into new possibilities of controlled destruction of course.
The result? Not nearly good enough. Not because the first combat carriage with its own propulsion Equestria has ever seen is bad. In fact quiet the opposite. The amour is so resistant, the tracks instead of wheels are excellent for a variety of terains, the flame thrower strikes fear into the most courageous of batponies. Not that it is very hard, these guys avoid sunlight and warmth of the day however they can.
What was the problem? Stupidity of course. Mere ponies werent apparently advanced enough to comprehend the tools given to them. Calling the vehicle all-terrain made the drivers believe they can move wherever they want, even a deep river. No swimmng skills were requiered for this post so that made situation even more splendid. The high power flame thrower caused an onrush of badass feeling as drivers fired it off only to realize they hit nothing because, big surprise, the range is not as good as your typical hoofgun and the ammo reserve is not endless. The excellent armour was seemigly perfect, capable of stopping most of projectiles and spells. The one thing everypony seemed to forget is that it is only the front armor and there are airborne pegasi and sneaky raiders who methodically avoid frontal confrontation.

But let's skip all the bad stuff and look at the present situation. The training procedures have been updated and the desing itself has been improved. The driver seat now has a "Drive safely" sign to discourage any reckless behaviour. The fire trigger now has a mechanism linking it with the main canon. Meaing that the longer you hold it down, the hotter it gets. Better watch your fire if you don't want to burn your hooves off. And of course, the most essential part of any sort of military unit, an officers to bash you if you do something wrong.
Among that there are also many neat modifications, the front armour doubled in size to provide cover for earth ponies. The speed was increased, though a normal carriage can still easily outrun this massive beast. Whether said carriage remains intact as it is targetted is another question. The addition of an inside compartment for picnic baskets is more critical than one might think. On one ocassion, the crew exited the vehicle to have lunch, leaving it open for a stray lunar trooper. Now you can dine inside and no more incidents may occur. Not without a culprit to be burned anyway. The tank also has many useless parts like decorative plating for some reason. Don't ask me why, I don't know. Could be useful for something even if that one thing is the morale boost, the satisfaction of seeing the shiny killing machine at work.

Taking out a tank now looks quiet problematic for the Lunarist resistance. Even if they manage to exploit its slow speed and penetrate ist weak spots there is still the danger of highly flammable fuel. Should the engine or ammunition be damaged there are only few seconds before the whole thing is going to pop, causing everypony, friend or foe, trot as fast as possible. Fortunatelly the NLR have a technique to deal with this situation:
Trot away and don't look back because you want to see a cool explosion unless you also want a swift makeover. As you hear the exlosion, duck as fast as you can. When you feel the warm feeling on you back, head or flank that gets very irritating very quickly, congrats. You are alive and feel pain. That means no serious injuries. Also, you are on fire. Now for the most complex part, get on your back and start rolling, MOVE IT.
Have you followed these instructions? Great, than you are alive and therefore have no right to complain about NLR techniques. They saved your life, have some respect. Just so you know, those burned marks look hot!

Solar Army also has a safety measure for the crew in case of an explosion. The driver cabin as strong as the front armor and completely fireproof. So as the tank blows up the cabin is launched and the crew is protected against fire. Not against hard bumps though. Unlike exposure to radical change in temperature, you will be able to shake those off, more or less. In a few days it's back into the oven. Filthy Lunarists ain't gonna burn themselves. The Celestial Empress knows how to motivate her troops. That is why we have public immolations of the icompetent and cowardly. Pain is the best teacher and if you won't learn to take the bumps yourself, you will be schooled with some outsied help.

For reasons stated above, it is not easy to be a tank driver. Nopony really cares, because controlling one of these beasts feels so good and the best things in the world are always difficult to achieve. Even as NLR keep coming with new and new methods to take you on. Like shadowbolt Rainbow Dash, what a daring mare she is. One day she visited the carriage gunners and asked them:
"Hey, can you eggheads maybe come up with some harpoon and an ultra strong rope. I got some moves that will totally off those lame looking machines. I will just use my incredible speed to flip them over as you harpoon them and strap the rope to me. Don't know what you guys are so worked up about, I am giving you gold here. You just got your ultimate victory strategy."
Being as crazy as it sounds they of course approved it. Whats the worst that can happen? Dash can stay strapped onto the tank, because she did not asked for something to disengage the rope if her insanely smart plan works out. She will have to circle around it until the "eggheads" come around to do their magic. Some might say she would die out there but hey, this is Rainbow frickin Dash and she cant afford death. Not before she gets that captain promotion and have her own shadowbolt squad.

So what have we learned today? Now matter how cool a tank it is, it will never defeat Rainbow Dash because she always remains 20% cooler. Though she requiers a steady supply of cider and praise to do her work, a costly weapon indeed.