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LucidAether — Pan!c
Published: 2013-03-22 06:57:08 +0000 UTC; Views: 461; Favourites: 22; Downloads: 1
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*Long rant .-. I'm so sorry guys, you don't have to read this.*Soo.. I really wanted to go outside today, but I was scared. I haven't been out in months. There's many things that scare me about going out there, but one of the biggest is that there's this one kid that use to stand outside my door, listening for my movement inside, for 10 or 30 minutes once or twice a day for like 2 months. He sent me creepy text messages and just bleh. Don't even know why??! Anyways, and I stared freaking out pretty hard cause I was scared that I'd run into him. So when my mom pulled up in the car, I broke down and I don't even know why I talked to her about this in the first place, she never listens or just shrugs everything I say off like it's nothing and I'm just a fucked up little kid. Anyways, she pushed me away, looked at me like I was weird, and acted like it was alright for me to be hyperventilating and freaking out. So I went off on her. We get into a lot of scream fights, like all the time .-. but this time it actually seemed to hurt her too. Usually she just says shit to me, lets me cry, and is completely cold and heartless. At least my dad can feel emotions... anyways, I could see the hurt in her eyes. It felt amazing! I told her off, and she felt it! She's always calling me "baby" or "honey" like in front of people, and even when we're alone, it bugs me beyond belief. I'm not her "baby", she lost me as a daughter when she broke this family cause it wasn't good enough for her. I wasn't good enough for her. I've told her so many times to stop calling me that, but this time it finally registered. I was so happy. xD She promised to try. UGH. She annoys me so bad. She tries to look good and like a cool mom by telling me that my friends can visit, but then it turns out that they really can't, she just said they could because she knew they'd never do it and just to look good. It's not that they can't, it's that she had the fucking nerve to say that JUST so that I'd like her. I NEVER will. Not again. Anyways, I wanted to thank Devin and Alexis, when i was freaking out, they talked to me and calmed me down a bit and told me that they cared <3
ANYWAYS, about the picture
xD I drew this to kinda show how I felt when I was freaking out. The background kinda shows what I was going through xDD. Kind of a remake of this maybe? I used tanathe's lazy brush set, I think I'll use it forever, this was so fun to do. Tried new things and stuff xD. ANYWAYS, here's the speed paint~ [link]
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Comments: 20
awesome picture came of it!
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chained by your own fear -.- oh dear.
oh and you used one of my favorite songs on the speed paint.
this song is kinda sadding so i only use it on my worst moment to help me sleep.
what i saw on the art is that your fear chains you down while the "normal" people gain wings and fly
at least thats what come on my point of view.
i loved my father beyond words but i feel the same for my mother that you feel for yours, so im not gonna tell you to try and like her cause thats impossible, but try at least to stop being her "enemy".
like in a war, you dont want her to be an ally, so at least try putting her on neutral.
also you already told us that she never listem to you and dont care about your problems. then why to try and tell her about it? you have your friends and they are the ones you should seek concil on.
now this boy on the door...how old is he and WHO is he??? what the hell? do you know any reason he might be doing that?
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I'll never stop fighting her. It's sickens me how ignorant and cold she is! There was one point where my dad couldn't take the pain anymore, so he decided to leave, and we were hugging and crying on the couch. She walked by, shrugged her shoulders and went on with her life. She didn't care that she was destroying her daughter. Well, I broke my leg, my dad moved out, and my best friend moved away, all in the same week. I was so destroyed and just hated everything, especially my mother and my self. Kids started bullying me for being crippled and different because my best friend wasn't there to protect and comfort me anymore. At this point I was suicidal and need someone there for me. But where was she? She's here now, but where was she when I needed her, you know? She was going for her walks, loosing hundreds of pounds and acting like she was too good for my dad. For this family.. For me. So she destroyed all of us because she's selfish and only cares about her self. She rarely spoke to me and when she did, it was cold. And that's when I joined deviantart. That's when I met people who cared and didn't call me awful things and just talked to me like I was a normal human being. I love you guys, so much. And it does mean a lot to me that you comment. Not just numbers, but that you really do care. <3 But I don't think I'll ever stop fighting her. She just doesn't understand what she did to me! She doesn't get that she fucked me up so bad! So no. I'll fight her every step of the way. I'm currently working on college courses so that I can get the fuck out of here the moment I'm 18. Not just away from her, but the people here. The environment is terrible. and dry. and hot. and just depressing.
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thats the raw point there, you still cant have your own life, your not 18 and dont have self sustainance yet
the way your talking about her makes me think every corner your cross and bump into her you 2 start a verbal fight.
well you do have reason to just grab her by the name and shake her like a ragdoll...then later toss her into the shark sea maybe.
But just try to hide it. its her house so she kinda have powers there, and she using those powers on you is what im afraid of.
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.. yeah I guess. I see your point, but she's already destroyed me, what more can she do? I really don't care anymore. Let her use her power on me, but I'm just gonna keep fighting for myself.
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she can destroy WHAT YOU HAVE
she can kick you out of home on the worst of all situations.
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I think I'd actually feel better if I was out xP
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vantage, away from her
disvantage hunger and death
give yourself a deep breath, cause your gonna STAY
till you can have your own home
you have love, you have a boyfriend
all you need is home and whealth for a good life
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Yeah.. Working on it.. Thanks <3 I'd hug you if i could. You really help.
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hope you're feeling better Frost....
very nice picture btw. the BG is pretty cool. ^^
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Awesome work on this, I really love how this picture came out 
As for what happened, that must of been terrifying, I can understand why you would be afraid because you do get alot of weirdos out there that can hurt you, specially when you hear all these stories and such, but however it is best to confront these fears and just go out, continue on with life, other wise if one was to keep on worrying one would never get any where.
As for your mum that is a very complicated issue there, usually I would say give her a chance but at the sametime I don't know what has been going on, so all I can say there is keep being strong and keep being you, trust those you trust in your life and keep moving forward with them.
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Yeah I guess.. and thank you
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