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LynKofWinds β First Attempt of Access (Read description first)
Published: 2013-07-03 22:12:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 662; Favourites: 28; Downloads: 0
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Description
The instructions had made sense, but were still unclear, somehow still vague. Why was this necessary? Somehow saving the entire Great Sea wasn't good enough, huh? What was that She said about the seal... Ugh, why does this crap always happen to me? He clutched it in his hand and began to think, ....'switching over, switching over, but still keeping control'...Suddenly, the necklace vibrated, and he felt so.... woozy. He could feel goosebumps running up and down his body, and he was beginning to sway, he felt like he was gonna puke, his whole body was turning to mush....
He looked down. He was still him, still 100% human. Stop, he thought, holding the necklace again in his hands. Slowly the swaying stopped and he regained his footing. He shook his head, flipped his hair out of his face and cleared his vision. "Hey, Link," said a flirtatious voice. "Tetra, not now..."
"Oh come on, I just wanna have some fun," she said playfully as she came closer, reaching out a hand to touch his face.
"....Ugh...." He was still slightly nauseous. "I feel like I'm gonna puke..." Tetra reached out her hand and steadied him. "Hey, it's all right, you're just nervous. You have nothing to worry about. C'mon." She led him up to the cell, and walked into the outer room, where two others, including his sister, were waiting.
"Are you ready, Link? You don't look so good," he called and jumped down from his seat, white coat flashing.
"He's fine," Tetra dragged out the words, "He'll do great. Link, don't be nervous. I promise, you have nothing to worry about..."
"All right Link. It's time. Best of luck to you, and if anything bad happens, remember you just have to call out for help. K? In you go buddy." He patted Link on the back and ushered him inside the cell and closed the door, leaving him in this pure white room so bright that at first it blinded him, not at all helping the nausea. Little did they know the nausea was not from nervousness, but rather his earlier experiment with the necklace's power.
"Ngh...." he rubbed his head. Β He heard a loud click, indicated the door had locked behind him.
All he could hear was the echo of Tetra's voice... "You have nothing to worry about, you have nothing to worry about, to worry about, worry... about..."
"All right". he muttered. "I'll give it my best shot."
Little did anyone, including Link, know the power that would be unleashed once actually activating the magic inside the necklace.
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Comments: 52
Well there isn't a second part, not yet XD this was sort of a fan story and I didn't put as much thought into it as I did the story containing my own OCs lol. And thank you very much ! c:
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Well I hope you put out a second part
Where did you find or get your cute AF Toon Link da icon pix?
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It's actually from the cover of this manga/cartoon called Link's Logbook, based of the events of Wind Waker. o:
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Links logbook, never heard of it. Is it good?
Got a link so I could read it?
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I thought it was pretty good, but I read it seven years ago, and had to use YouTube for the pages XD
See if this works.
uk.ninemanga.com/chapter/The%2β¦
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Could you send me that link in a note?
I was using the DA app, and for someone reasons it one let me copy the link lol.
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I got it, thank you so much
I was curious, is this the same as the WW manga, or is this the WW manga?
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Sure thing.
Well there isn't currently a Wind Waker manga, like the ones for OoT or PH or anything, so this must be the manga you're thinking of. It's basically a comedic run through of some of the major plot points from the game.
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Awesome, well I can't wait to read it
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About the story: it is quite an interesting story, however I see many spelling and punctuation mistakes, and I think it could be written better for more suspense. Don't get me wrong, I think you are off to a great start but a few edits should further improve it and bring in more readers.
Here's an example, of what I did to the passage:
________________________________________________
The instructions had made sense, but remained unclear.
Why was this necessary? Somehow saving the entire Great Sea wasn't good enough, huh? What was that she said about the seal... Ugh, why does this crap always happen to me? Link clutched it in his hand and began to think, ....switching over, switching over, but still keeping control...
Suddenly, the necklace vibrated, and he felt so.... woozy. He could feel goosebumps popping on his skin from the head down; he was also beginning to sway. Link grew nauseous as his balance wavered. Β And worse of all, the boy's whole body seemed to be decomposing, ever so slowly....
A fewΒ momentsΒ into the sudden and strange sensations, Link looked down. He was still him, still 100% hylian. Stop, he thought,Β holding the necklace again in his hands. Slowly the swaying stopped and he regained his footing.
He shook his head, flipped his hair out of his face and cleared his vision. "Hey, Link," said a flirtatious voice.
The knots in his stomach grew tighter. "Tetra, not now..."Β
"Oh come on, I just wanna have some fun," she said playfully as she came closer, reaching out a hand to touch his face.
"Ugh...." Link was still slightly nauseous. "I feel like I'm gonna puke..."
Tetra reached out her hand and steadied him. "Hey, it's all right, you're just nervous. You have nothing to worry about. C'mon." She led him up to the cell, the two of them walking into the outer room.
Something tells me that's not why..., Link thought to himself.
Two others, including his sister, were waiting up ahead.
"Are you ready, Link? You don't look so good," Niko called and jumped down from his seat, white coat flashing.Β
"He's fine," Tetra replied, "He'll do great. Link, don't be nervous. I promise, you have nothing to worry about..."
"All right Link. It's time. Best of luck to you, and if anything bad happens, remember you just have to call out for help. 'Kay? In you go buddy."
Niko patted Link on the back and ushered him inside the cell and closed the door, leaving him in this pure white room-it was so bright that at first it blinded him, not at all helping the nausea.
"Ngh...." Link rubbed his head. Β He heard a loud click, indicated the door had locked behind him.
All Link could hear now was the echo of Tetra's voice...
"You have nothing to worry about, you have nothing to worry about, to worry about, worry... about..."
"All right". Link muttered. "I'll give it my best shot."
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Okay, so I did a few edits to make the story appear less dull and more interesting. Something you really want to avoid while writing is pointing out the obvious or spoiling it, like with the 'little did they know' thing, I took that out completely. When readers are reading a novel, the best authors never exactly tell how a character is feeling completely or exactly what the situation is. Like the way I edited and rewrote it, we can still tell Link has a necklace that he messed around with and now it's going to somehow affect him-this is foreshadowing. the 'little did they know' is not needed and as I've said makes the story boring because you're already telling them something they could find out if they kept reading. Your basically spoiling the ending and the rest of the story so people will be like "Okay, I already know what happens, so what's the point of continuing?" Also a few things that confused me was who was the other 'he' that was with Aryll-I put Niko because that's my guess-because it never said in the passage you wrote.Β
Aryll in my opinion should also interact with her brother when he goes back down to the cell because from what I've seen in Windwaker they have a very close relationship and it is unlike her to just say nothing. When writing out a story it's best not to clump it into huge paragraphs. Have five sentences or less for each paragraph so it's not so hard to read. Also when someone is in thought or when you are quoting, use italics so readers will be more aware of it instead of being a little puzzled, because sometimes it is hard to know if a character is thinking a sentence or two to themselves. (This long comment I'm writing may not be the best example XD)
There are other mistakes I could point out to you but I think the best way to improve your fan fiction is by having someone help edit your work and also experimenting and pre reading what you wrote to be sure you didn't make mistakes. Research or look up a ship so you know the terms and such so describing where Link and the others are will be easy. Also there are plenty of resources that can help you with Zelda characters and events, so you can relate this to Windwaker in one way or another (from what I understand, it is connected to windwaker). Also use the thesaurus to use simular words so you aren't repeating words like 'hungry' 'sad' etc. There is nothing I hate more in a story than repetitive words. The dictionary can help you with confusing words-there's alot that goes into writing a good story, to put it all short.
Anyway, I hope you understand that I'm not trying to bash you-this is really good. But it can be even better is what I'm saying. Keep up the good work-I hope you write more
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About the picture: I like it-very detailed in it's eeriness. The only fault I can see is how unrealistically tall you drew Link, the boots look like they are stretched out so perspective wise it seems like it's a bird eye's view but at the same time it's not because the top half of Link contradicts that. I can see Shadow Link or some evil is trying to switch him over. Man, keep up the good work (you drew Toon Link so manly 
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Punctuation errors, I get, because I didn't care enough to put the proper amount of periods or other. But there wasn't any spelling mistakes... e.e and I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I don't think you should be correcting me on my English when you're using the wrong "your" and typing the game's name incorrectly. XD Also, when I wrote this, I didn't know how to use italics. I put "he" because I wanted to keep it vague and have it so that his name isn't mentioned. He's not from Wind Waker's Great Sea setting. Also, this was just a story I came up with off the top of my head to go along with the drawing. I wasn't focused on making it necessarily intriguing or adding adjectives, I just put it there as a basic thing to slightly explain the drawing. I will admit I got a little carried away as far as an explanation goes lol. If I had been writing an actual fan fiction, I would have absolutely done everything you said, like better descriptions, Aryll interacting with her brother, and the likes. You give awesome advice. But since it was simply something off the top of my head, I didn't add those things in.
And yeah, I made him taller on purpose. I screwed up the boots but the paper was so worn I couldn't fix it. xDDDD
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I see. True, when I type fast I make mistakes all the time XD
Sorry for all that XD I let the critic part of myself take over
Traditional art is harder sometimes, I tend to lean on digital more. But at the same time, traditional art is beautiful, and now it seems underrated these days.Β
Thanks for pointing this all out to me, I'm so used to giving advice that sometimes I need some myself
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No it's fine. You give really good advice actually. :3 And I can see why you went all critic in the first place.
UGH YES. Digital art gets all the love. XD I personally suck at digital art as far as using a drawing tablet goes. I can draw fine on my DSi or 3DS, but not using my tablet on the computer. XD
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Wow, this story/drawing is awesome. Now the lesson is: NEVER TRUST NECKLACES. ALWAYS.
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Thank you! XD and lol. YUS.
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Welcome. That's why I don't wear them. And I just don't.
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So different. I have never heard anythin like that before. I love it!
Hey Lynk! It is me Shamaru.
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ERMISGERSH. Hi.
And thanks.
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*strokes mustache*
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*strokes cat's beard*
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*strokes cat's beard's flea*
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*strokes cat's beard's flea's beard*
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*strokes cat's beard's flea's beard's cells*
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*strokes cat's beard's flea's beard's cell's mustache*
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*strokes cat's beard's flea's beard's cell's mustache's soul patch*
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I don't know who the other person is, but this is intriguing...~
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your welcome~! ^-^ If you ever make a story for this I'd love to check it out. :'D
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Oooh, what's this?
Is this part of your own fanfiction?
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Perhaps. xDDD
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