HOME | DD

Description
Legion

I do not think about my situation. I try to concentrate on the sensations. The cold, clammy (wet?) sand surrounding my body. How I am frozen in place, extremities numb, floating but solid. Concentrate on the noises I hear. Faraway bird cries, perhaps closer than before. Coyotes, maybe?

Concentrate on anything but the searing heat of the sun, rasping onto my face, cooking me slowly. If my arms were free, I could shade myself. Dig myself out. Or would that only prolong things?

I think steam rises from my features. I try to picture myself. My transformation. I imagine frazzled hair, achingly red skin, squinting little eyes set amongst the French Foreign Lesions. I am not myself anymore. I am the landscape.

I came to escape. I've always been running away, one way or another. From my mistakes, or the betrayals of others, or because the wind feels so good on my face. Because I love the sound of my feet pounding on the ground. Because I cannot be kept.

It was no solution. I am undisciplined, unfocused. And quickly aware of this latest mistake. I have never found my feet, no matter where I run to. But standing still is no good for me. I suppose there comes a point when you must deal with your life as it is, whether you want to or not. And I did not, but with shovels and guns they sunk me. That can awaken the conscious a bit. But I've never been one to learn a lesson.

A breeze blows. It brings no relief. Only dust whipped in my eyes. No loss. I can't tell what I am looking at anyway. Sandbugs scuttle into my ears and down my uniform. Was it a rock formation ahead? Acres of flat desert? I can't remember. Instead I imagine it is a leafy oasis. I imagine it inches its way towards me, propelled by this little wind, edging ever closer until it bears down on me, surrounds me, and I am suddenly shipwrecked, clasped in cold currents. I am refreshed and restored but still unmoving. Water rushes around me. I drown. What a way to go. I can still dream, until I stop.