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Description
"It's because of you that the only thing my heart is good for, is bleeding."

For once, I wasn't inspired by a song lyric, but something I wrote instead.

Photo reference. Hands are ... ugh, no more . I suck with hands. Did the hand/arm from the top of my head, largely struggling to look at my own right hand in that position in front of me. I think the hand took me longer than the rest of this all together. Happy with how it came out though.

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You know, there was a time I thought I knew it all... a time the answers were clear as day, blinding and conspicuous.

Looking back, I see just how wrong I was... how blind I was. You were always the one keeping me in the dark, shrouding my eyes from what everyone could see but me. I remember what you told me back then... I remember believing you were protecting me, keeping me safe from all the "bad things." Did you ever care? Was there a moment you ever honestly loved me?

I know now that you never cared. You've never said a kind word to me... not one. You've done nothing but remind me of how worthless I am, how insignificant I am. I'm just a burden, a waste of space, a constant thorn in your side. I thought I loved you... I thought I could trust you. What did I do to you? What did I do to deserve this?

I've faced my demons. I've experienced prejudice and persecution, I've been abused by the people I should love and trust most, I've been abandoned by those I've trusted more than God Himself... all this I've faced and survived. What you've done to me is without measure... or end... and I hate you for it.

I hate you.

It's because of you I'm so calloused. You did this to me. You're the one who's always shut me down. You're the one who's closed every door and shut me out. It's because of you I feel alone, even in a crowd of close friends. It's because of you I am alone.

It's because of you that the only thing my heart is good for, is bleeding.

I hate you. I swear to God I hate you.

Why do you do this to me? Why torture me? Why isolate me? Why crucify me for stupid, meaningless mistakes?

Why do you hate me?

I remember when we first met... all was smiles and sunshine, wasn't it. Somehow, you became the only one I could trust, my personal confidante. You were my crutch... my only ally in a world that didn't want me. You were the bandaid for a scraped knee, the lamp by my bedside when I would go to sleep, the security blanket I would snuggle with before my belligerant mother tore it from my 5 year old hands and cut it to shreads with a smile. I've often wondered where we went wrong, why we deteriorated... and then I realized, the day I met you is the day we went wrong.

You're a snake. You were only in it for the kill, weren't you. It must've been funny from your point of view... watching me squirm while your grip tightened... did it satisfy you to look into my tearful eyes while I struggled to breathe under your strangle-hold? Did it bring you shivers of joy when I was Thanking You for it?

Every terrible thing that has ever happened to me... it was you who placed the blame solely on me.

I remember the day I figured it out, when I caught on to your sick games. I vowed I'd never let you do this to me again... but you're still there, aren't you... still hurting me, still whispering from the shadows, just waiting for that perfect moment to tear me apart.

I remember the day I finally saw you face-to-face. I confronted you and faced you down as I have all my other demons. We fought, and in the end, I won.

Standing over your bruised form, I knelt... and wept. It was then that I realized I was looking into a mirror.

=) (Smile) — Description
"It's because of you that the only thing my heart is good for, is bleeding."

For once, I wasn't inspired by a song lyric, but something I wrote instead.

Photo reference. Hands are ... ugh, no more . I suck with hands. Did the hand/arm from the top of my head, largely struggling to look at my own right hand in that position in front of me. I think the hand took me longer than the rest of this all together. Happy with how it came out though.

-------
You know, there was a time I thought I knew it all... a time the answers were clear as day, blinding and conspicuous.

Looking back, I see just how wrong I was... how blind I was. You were always the one keeping me in the dark, shrouding my eyes from what everyone could see but me. I remember what you told me back then... I remember believing you were protecting me, keeping me safe from all the "bad things." Did you ever care? Was there a moment you ever honestly loved me?

I know now that you never cared. You've never said a kind word to me... not one. You've done nothing but remind me of how worthless I am, how insignificant I am. I'm just a burden, a waste of space, a constant thorn in your side. I thought I loved you... I thought I could trust you. What did I do to you? What did I do to deserve this?

I've faced my demons. I've experienced prejudice and persecution, I've been abused by the people I should love and trust most, I've been abandoned by those I've trusted more than God Himself... all this I've faced and survived. What you've done to me is without measure... or end... and I hate you for it.

I hate you.

It's because of you I'm so calloused. You did this to me. You're the one who's always shut me down. You're the one who's closed every door and shut me out. It's because of you I feel alone, even in a crowd of close friends. It's because of you I am alone.

It's because of you that the only thing my heart is good for, is bleeding.

I hate you. I swear to God I hate you.

Why do you do this to me? Why torture me? Why isolate me? Why crucify me for stupid, meaningless mistakes?

Why do you hate me?

I remember when we first met... all was smiles and sunshine, wasn't it. Somehow, you became the only one I could trust, my personal confidante. You were my crutch... my only ally in a world that didn't want me. You were the bandaid for a scraped knee, the lamp by my bedside when I would go to sleep, the security blanket I would snuggle with before my belligerant mother tore it from my 5 year old hands and cut it to shreads with a smile. I've often wondered where we went wrong, why we deteriorated... and then I realized, the day I met you is the day we went wrong.

You're a snake. You were only in it for the kill, weren't you. It must've been funny from your point of view... watching me squirm while your grip tightened... did it satisfy you to look into my tearful eyes while I struggled to breathe under your strangle-hold? Did it bring you shivers of joy when I was Thanking You for it?

Every terrible thing that has ever happened to me... it was you who placed the blame solely on me.

I remember the day I figured it out, when I caught on to your sick games. I vowed I'd never let you do this to me again... but you're still there, aren't you... still hurting me, still whispering from the shadows, just waiting for that perfect moment to tear me apart.

I remember the day I finally saw you face-to-face. I confronted you and faced you down as I have all my other demons. We fought, and in the end, I won.

Standing over your bruised form, I knelt... and wept. It was then that I realized I was looking into a mirror.