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mattwilson83 — VOA:CH06:PG02
Published: 2010-06-26 22:06:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 2580; Favourites: 17; Downloads: 43
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Description
Valley of Angels: Chapter 06My own original manga. Comments and critique welcome
Links:
Previous Chapters
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5
Pages:
Chapter 6 cover
06_01 06_02 06_03 06_04 06_05
06_06 06_07 06_08 06_09 06_10
06_11 06_12 06_13 06_14 06_15
06_16 06_17 06_18
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Comments: 18
Don't give up just yet, Suzume...
Well, from the beginning of the story we know she didn't...
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Time for a little wangst break. 
You know, if you want my advice (though even if you don't you're still gonna get it
I know how hard it is to do something like this (or at least I have some vague idea). I'm currently trying to lay down the basic storyline for my own little project. It's not easy to present an original world full of original concepts, introduce a cast of characters, get the plot rolling, and not confuse any of your readers in the process.
Bottom line is, I think you need to speed things up... a lot! Endless scenes of Suzume dragging herself to Tenpu, falling over and almost giving up, only to be encouraged by Mysterious Angel Lady, are going to get boring pretty quick. When are we gonna get on with fighting the bad guys and using super powers and stuff?
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Actually, I guess I can tell you... this is the last part of this part. No more detours. I know my limits, and yes, I have stretched it a bit, but timing is everything, and to be honest, it seems longer since I took a nearly 6 month break between chapters.
But thanks for saying anyway
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Each night she patiently bears
The endless mystery in solitude
A thousand black paper cranes
Not folding, not folding
She carries on bravely
For the smile is there
Unexplained longing for mementos
Love is hellos, goodbyes, and gossamer
Tenpu le Voile
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A cookie if you know what manga the poem is originally from.
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'Unreachable' and 'dream' are two words that can never be used in the same sentence. You can do it. Just think about Hana and the angels, being able to rub it everyone face who doubted you.
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If you give up, you definitely won't make it. Keep going, Suzume.
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Aww, don't give up just yet. I suppose it's hard to keep positive, when you have a sharp pain stabbing at your side, constantly, but you still shouldn't give up.
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