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MaximoVLorenzo — New York Rabble
Published: 2011-07-15 17:52:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 2084; Favourites: 38; Downloads: 63
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Description
4 Page rough/layout short story for Viz's storyboarding contest! I had to do the reading direction from right to left this time! Feel free to leave critiques!Related content
Comments: 20
My thoughts:
It's a strong story and you get a feel for the characters right away, the pacing is good and I like the use of paneling to add action to the story.
One thing though, was that I felt a little lost at first on the front page. Maybe it's because it's a small image on my computer, but it wasn't clear to me that they we making a movie staring themselves til the bottom of the page. Given the angle of the cityscape and the girl, it almost felt like they were trying to film Superman flying past. Maybe adding a simple "Action!" at the top of the page in the left hand corner would help?
That said, I think you did a fantastic job and you might just win!
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thank you for the crits! ;D
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You're very welcome and best of luck!
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You better win this
If you do, it'll be the first time I've picked up Jump in a while
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You truly are the speed King! 
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Love the paneling. :'D The "kid in NYC with big dreams" prompt is pretty grandiose, so it's nice to see it laid out neatly into the four pages. I think the scene change for the background in page four is a bit abrupt, though. Lance moving boxes in a dark warehouse doesn't seem to connect the dialogue between the park and the ending. xD
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Thanks man! workin on that improvement!
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