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Description
Reeling Alice knelt on the floor, her thoughts swirling with her fogged over memories washed clean and then snapped into place. What had happened? Why had she forgotten them all over again...Why had she forgotten him?! She had promised she would never forget him.. The hatter..Wait what had Mctwisp said? Pressing her hand to her forehead to fight the dizzy rejoining of memories Alice opened her eyes to look at Absolem and Mctwisp. "What did you say? The hatter...Hatter is in trouble?"

"Ahh Alice, so glad you could join us again.." the sarcasm dripped thickly from the elegant butterfly, in an ironic way that was his way though.

"Not now." she pointed a firm hand at the butterfly which wasn't as easy as it sounded. His flight didn't hold him in one place so her finger moved to follow. Then she turned her attention to the rabbit. He was more straight forward, she would get the info she sought clearly and faster from him.

"What's happened to the Hatter?" Nivens fidgeted with his paws, he was typically high strung but with the urgency of his mission and the full force of Alice's stare, he was on the verge of hyperventilating. Taking a breath of her own, she crawled closer to the rabbit and placed a comforting hand on his paws. "Slow down...breath.." she whispered to him.

McTwisp took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Ok now try again. No hurry." she said the words though she felt the exact opposite. Even with this little bit of guidance thrown in she knew it was still quicker to talk to the rabbit. Silly riddling butterfly.

"The Hatter.. He, well he's been poisoned." he raised his pink eyes from the floor to look at Alice. She had gone pale, she didn't even seem to be breathing.

"You don't mean the mercury do you?" she finally asked. He shook his head regretfully.

Whether it was his dislike of being silence and ignored, or that he actually knew more she would never know but Absolem chose then to speak up. "No it was something quite more noxious. It's rather far along now, we didn't notice in time."

"What? Why didn't you notice?" Anger tinted the worry in her voice. She turned her eyes to blue butterfly again.

"When you left, he changed. He was wilder, madder at times, and silent and lost at others. When he became increasingly more silent we thought he was just in the depression stage of his mourning. By the time we realized it was more then that, he was near unconscious."

Horror seeped through Alice as his words entered her. No! This couldn't be... The horror wasn't just about the Hatter's current condition, it was about what she had done to him. She had left him, wounded so bad that no one could tell he was dyeing. Swallowing the acid guilt had risen in her she took two deep breaths.

"How bad is he now?"

He shook his little blue head, and even his wings seemed to move in sad slow motion. "He is unconscious. We have no indication that he can hear us or understand. He just lays there."

"The White Queen! Can't she help him? She specializes in potions and healing-"

Mctwisp cut her off. "She can't figure out what the poison was.. It's nothing from Underland. It came from your world."

Her lungs wouldn't work. She couldn't make them move, there were no calming breaths to be taken now. It was their turn to calm her, Absolem lit upon her shoulder, and Nivens rubbed her hands with his soft touch. When air came it was in gasps, large gulps forced though a throat that didn't want to open.

"How...I can't... What..." words slipped through between air. Her eyes flew between her two friends, finishing questions her voice couldn't complete. How could she heal something the Queen couldn't? She had hurt him, left him, forgotten him... If she would have stayed this wouldn't have happened, she knew it. She had abandoned him and now she may not be getting the chance to find him again.

Tears fell from her lashes to sparkle down her cheeks. She curled her fingers into fists, feeling the wood under her nails and clawing harder still. Grasping for strength. Shaking her head she looked up at Mctwisp. "Take me to him. Please.. Now.."

Looking at Absolem for confirmation he nodded. Alice scrambled up in a most inelegant fashion and they made their way out into the night, to the rabbit hole that had taken her to Underland twice already. The thick darkness that had surrounded her on the streets earlier was nothing compared to the wooded area free of lamps. Even the moon and stars had given up the battle to light London tonight. She was more glad then ever that she wasn't wearing a dress, moving through the underbrush wouldn't have been near as quick. Even her trouser legs were being caught my clinging thorns and twigs.

Absolem stayed perched on her shoulder, having to flatten out a few times to get under limps that Alice had dodged and Nivens ran ahead. His pure white fur stood out more clearly then anything in the night, making it easy for her to follow behind him. He leaped and dodged through fallen trees and bushes, finding the easiest path for her. It was a long distance to that old tree with the hole in it's roots but to take a carriage or such would have raised questions. This way she would disappear without a trace. It was taking so long to get there though.. and every moment taken was one more where 'He' was alone and hurting. Quickening her pace she moved closer to the rabbit silently urging him on.

The huge old tree loomed on the horizon, drawing her like a beacon to it. She ran now, praying her ankles would stay strong and not twist. The gate was so jarring Absolem had decided flying was a preferable course. Watching she saw McTisp disappear from sight, knowing he had gone down the hole and she was right behind him. She hardly paused as she got to the lip, and fell freely through.

The fall was marginally less frighting now that she remembered surviving it as a child and just a few years ago, but it still caused her pulse to fly and her to tense. This time she didn't try to catch onto any of the random objects, letting beds, bookcases, chairs, and the piano fly past. She couldn't see either of her companions, but she wasn't concerned. They knew the way better then her she was sure. She saw the bottom of the hole flying up at her and braced to break through, and land on the ceiling. She went feet first this time, keeping her knees loose. The plaster fell under her with little resistance. Then came the hardest part of the journey into Underland, The ceiling of the room of doors. She hit and rolled some to diminish the impact then waited for the next to come. When the world turned upside down and she fell to the floor, she was glad to be done with the falling.

Standing, she glanced swiftly around and found both the rabbit and the butterfly standing looking at her. "How...Oh never mind." Flipping her hair out of her face she walked to the table and looked for the key and pishsalver only to see it empty. She turned to Mctwisp who held up both. Smiling she knelt and took the little bottle and sipped carefully, re-corked the bottle and waited as she shrank to almost the rabbit's height. Gathering up her now too large clothing she looked at the other two travelers. " I truly wish that that worked on clothing." They all three chuckled a bit before their mission's weight sobered them. Mctwisp opened the door and all of them walked into the vibrant garden, where the flowers moved in the breeze and smiled and dragonflies and horseflies played tag.

Taking a deep breath she smiled softly. It was so good to be back. "Where is he at?" listening to her question she realized she had stopped saying his common name. It was 'He' now, because she didn't deserve to speak his name or title.

"He's in the castle at Marmoreal, he has quarters there as the court's Hatter. The queen watches over him." She nodded and followed behind him on their way.

As they walked Alice was brought to terms about things she wasn't so very fond of in Underland...Namely the very haughty talking flowers.

"Well would you look at her!" a very pretty rose said.

"She looks as if she is wilting doesn't she?" A little pansy spoke this time. Alice gathered her clothing around her in a bit of a huff.

"She isn't even properly dressed! She's wearing men's clothing. The girl has gone quite as mad as the Hatter." The rose leaned down to whisper to the pansy but Alice could it seem hear better then the flora assumed. She quickened her pace again to create distance between them swiftly.

"Don't take it to heart my dear. You know how insulting those flowers are. As if you were mad."  smiling encouragingly McTwisp patted her shoulder.

A sad smile attempted to pull at the corners of her lips. "No, I'm not mad." she looked away and whispered softly. "All the best people are."

******************************************************************************************************

When the white towers of the castle of Mamoreal imposed upon the sky with their height in front of her she nearly cried out in joy. She was here, and her dear friend was only hallways and stairways away at most. Of course she realized later being that hopeful was near naive in this castle. As Mctwisp and Absolem tried to take her to the Hatter, the Queen's courtiers appeared demanding a formal greeting and introduction to the court. Setting her lips in a tight sever line Alice fought the urge to yell at them. She followed the mass of useless nobles to the throne room where Mirana sat. It bothred Alice that she was here sitting on her fancy chair instead of by 'His' sickbed. Her head told her that she coudn't be there all the time, she had to run the land, but it did little to calm her heart. One thing was sure and that was that she wouldn't leave his side.

The White Queen took one look at Alice and her smile grew, becoming a genuine thing as opposed to the one for appearance sake she usually wore. She wasn't sure how she did it, it was surely a tiring thing, probably hurt her cheeks. Mirana rose and flowed gracefully the distance between them, and kneeling embraced the small Alice. A moment of shock was all that held her own arms at her side, but as it diminished she hugged the queen back.

"I'm so very glad you have returned my friend." The pale lady with the dark lips spoke the words softly, not projecting to the court. For which her friend was very glad.

Tears threatened Alice's eyes again. "Thank you, sorry I've been gone so very long...my friend."

The queen gave a quick squeeze and then released Alice. "Will someone open up Alice's rooms and her wardrobe?" Glancing behind her she spoke "Thackery, will you hurry to the kitchen and get her some Upelkuchen ?" Looking around the queen's skirt she watched as the March Hare bounded away back toward the Kitchens.

"No hurled tea cups?" shock kept her voice low.

The queen looked down at her with a face that showed that she was about to make news that was very bad, as little bad as possible. Alice gasped in a few breaths quickly.

"He has been quite tame as of late, over concern for Tarrant, that's all." It was quite clear that the queen wasn't making eye contact. Over concern Alice's left shoe! She nodded anyway.

Gathering up her vest, blouse and trousers, she looked up at Mirana. "Queen-"

"Alice you needn't use my title. Mirana is fine."

Blinking in shock Alice tried again. "um.. Mirana I would rather get right to his side.. Once I get back to my normal size, of course."

The queen smiled and nodded. "Your room is adjoined to his quarters. You can change and be by his side in no time. I just left him moments before you entered, Alice. He is sleeping peacefully."

The march hare came thundering back into the room, with the small cake on a plate in his grasp. Alice flinched and almost ducked when he skidded to a halt offering the cake up to her. He was just a little taller then her and the white rabbit she noticed as she regarded him carefully looking for her friend in him. There was a bit of tension around his eyes, and he seemed too anxious. Maybe that was a little bit of him escaping this controlled persona. Just to be safe she took the cake and plate from him, leaving him nothing visible to hurl at her head. She took a very small bite of the beautiful little treat. It seemed that she was finally getting the hang of the shrinking and growing game. She filled her clothing back up perfectly and now was almost eye to eye with the queen.

Straightening her vest she smiled. "I'd like to go see him now." Her friends all exchanged glances before the queen nodded and motioned gracefully for the march hare to guide her. He scuffled toward the room's large doors leading out into the hall and staircases. He moved with a strange mix between hoping and walking, a pace Alice had to strain to match. Silence was all they shared for two staircases and one long white hallway.

"I'm so sorry..." she whispered.

Stopping he turned and looked at her "You left, you did what you had to. I'm not mad at ye, I'm concerned for him." his accent was still thick and he starred at her a little more intently then most, but he wasn't as wild as she remembered. She knew the two teapartiers had fed each others madness but she would never have expected this.

He stopped at a pair of double doors, the wood a beautiful white, like everything in this castle. On a golden plate was one simple word 'Hatter'. Funnily she had always expected a warning sign to be posted near anywhere the red headed man would call his. She placed a trembling hand on the right side door handle, and looked back at the Hare.  "Go ahead, lass."

Preparing herself for the worst, she turned the handle slowly and walked into the room. It was an expansive area with vibrant colors on all surfaces. One would never imagine them going together and creating harmony, but it did.  She wondered if it was because she knew the mind that had created it, that made it beautiful, or if anyone would look at the varied pallet and see something happy.This was a large room full of his tools of trade, sitting areas and a table and chairs. Leading off of that were what she thought were smaller areas like closets and bathrooms. Hats littered the room, some on props, a couple hung from chandeliers, most were on tables and chairs. Every single one was a work of art, what she had been seeking in that boring shop as she walked by daily, was rampant here. Her fingers brushed against fabrics, feathers, and leather. He was a master at his craft, no one could ever deny him that.

Moving through such a lively room with a crushing silence hanging in the air should have told her that she was nothing close to prepared for what awaited ahead of her. The splendor of color and creativity distracted her from the ominous quiet. Venturing into the back of the main room she looked for where his bed would be. It was clearly not in the main room, so it would have to be behind on of the doors. The first door she opened was in the back, she was drawn to it. When it clicked open she poked her blond head in to be met with darkness and the sound of breathing. It wasn't pitch dark, a lamp was burning low. She was sure this was the bedchamber, by the breathing. Encouraged she hurried to lamp to turn up the light, so she could see him. As she wound the wick up she truly listened and took in what she heart. Slow shallow gasps echoed through the room, making the warmth of the lamp shrink as cold fear gripped her. She was afraid to turn around and know how bad he was, she was naive now setting on that verge where knowledge was waiting and you knew it was going to hurt.

The want to run as fast as she could away gripped her, her legs even tensed in preparation. "NO!" she admonished herself and the flight response. "You will not abandon him again." Taking control of her fear she embraced the coldness and turned it from fear to strength. The strength to do what must be done no matter how much it hurt. Measuring her breaths she turned and looked at the face that the light fell across on the bed, and felt the warm tears fall. The only weakness she would allow of herself until she helped him back.

Description
Reeling Alice knelt on the floor, her thoughts swirling with her fogged over memories washed clean and then snapped into place. What had happened? Why had she forgotten them all over again...Why had she forgotten him?! She had promised she would never forget him.. The hatter..Wait what had Mctwisp said? Pressing her hand to her forehead to fight the dizzy rejoining of memories Alice opened her eyes to look at Absolem and Mctwisp. "What did you say? The hatter...Hatter is in trouble?"

"Ahh Alice, so glad you could join us again.." the sarcasm dripped thickly from the elegant butterfly, in an ironic way that was his way though.

"Not now." she pointed a firm hand at the butterfly which wasn't as easy as it sounded. His flight didn't hold him in one place so her finger moved to follow. Then she turned her attention to the rabbit. He was more straight forward, she would get the info she sought clearly and faster from him.

"What's happened to the Hatter?" Nivens fidgeted with his paws, he was typically high strung but with the urgency of his mission and the full force of Alice's stare, he was on the verge of hyperventilating. Taking a breath of her own, she crawled closer to the rabbit and placed a comforting hand on his paws. "Slow down...breath.." she whispered to him.

McTwisp took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Ok now try again. No hurry." she said the words though she felt the exact opposite. Even with this little bit of guidance thrown in she knew it was still quicker to talk to the rabbit. Silly riddling butterfly.

"The Hatter.. He, well he's been poisoned." he raised his pink eyes from the floor to look at Alice. She had gone pale, she didn't even seem to be breathing.

"You don't mean the mercury do you?" she finally asked. He shook his head regretfully.

Whether it was his dislike of being silence and ignored, or that he actually knew more she would never know but Absolem chose then to speak up. "No it was something quite more noxious. It's rather far along now, we didn't notice in time."

"What? Why didn't you notice?" Anger tinted the worry in her voice. She turned her eyes to blue butterfly again.

"When you left, he changed. He was wilder, madder at times, and silent and lost at others. When he became increasingly more silent we thought he was just in the depression stage of his mourning. By the time we realized it was more then that, he was near unconscious."

Horror seeped through Alice as his words entered her. No! This couldn't be... The horror wasn't just about the Hatter's current condition, it was about what she had done to him. She had left him, wounded so bad that no one could tell he was dyeing. Swallowing the acid guilt had risen in her she took two deep breaths.

"How bad is he now?"

He shook his little blue head, and even his wings seemed to move in sad slow motion. "He is unconscious. We have no indication that he can hear us or understand. He just lays there."

"The White Queen! Can't she help him? She specializes in potions and healing-"

Mctwisp cut her off. "She can't figure out what the poison was.. It's nothing from Underland. It came from your world."

Her lungs wouldn't work. She couldn't make them move, there were no calming breaths to be taken now. It was their turn to calm her, Absolem lit upon her shoulder, and Nivens rubbed her hands with his soft touch. When air came it was in gasps, large gulps forced though a throat that didn't want to open.

"How...I can't... What..." words slipped through between air. Her eyes flew between her two friends, finishing questions her voice couldn't complete. How could she heal something the Queen couldn't? She had hurt him, left him, forgotten him... If she would have stayed this wouldn't have happened, she knew it. She had abandoned him and now she may not be getting the chance to find him again.

Tears fell from her lashes to sparkle down her cheeks. She curled her fingers into fists, feeling the wood under her nails and clawing harder still. Grasping for strength. Shaking her head she looked up at Mctwisp. "Take me to him. Please.. Now.."

Looking at Absolem for confirmation he nodded. Alice scrambled up in a most inelegant fashion and they made their way out into the night, to the rabbit hole that had taken her to Underland twice already. The thick darkness that had surrounded her on the streets earlier was nothing compared to the wooded area free of lamps. Even the moon and stars had given up the battle to light London tonight. She was more glad then ever that she wasn't wearing a dress, moving through the underbrush wouldn't have been near as quick. Even her trouser legs were being caught my clinging thorns and twigs.

Absolem stayed perched on her shoulder, having to flatten out a few times to get under limps that Alice had dodged and Nivens ran ahead. His pure white fur stood out more clearly then anything in the night, making it easy for her to follow behind him. He leaped and dodged through fallen trees and bushes, finding the easiest path for her. It was a long distance to that old tree with the hole in it's roots but to take a carriage or such would have raised questions. This way she would disappear without a trace. It was taking so long to get there though.. and every moment taken was one more where 'He' was alone and hurting. Quickening her pace she moved closer to the rabbit silently urging him on.

The huge old tree loomed on the horizon, drawing her like a beacon to it. She ran now, praying her ankles would stay strong and not twist. The gate was so jarring Absolem had decided flying was a preferable course. Watching she saw McTisp disappear from sight, knowing he had gone down the hole and she was right behind him. She hardly paused as she got to the lip, and fell freely through.

The fall was marginally less frighting now that she remembered surviving it as a child and just a few years ago, but it still caused her pulse to fly and her to tense. This time she didn't try to catch onto any of the random objects, letting beds, bookcases, chairs, and the piano fly past. She couldn't see either of her companions, but she wasn't concerned. They knew the way better then her she was sure. She saw the bottom of the hole flying up at her and braced to break through, and land on the ceiling. She went feet first this time, keeping her knees loose. The plaster fell under her with little resistance. Then came the hardest part of the journey into Underland, The ceiling of the room of doors. She hit and rolled some to diminish the impact then waited for the next to come. When the world turned upside down and she fell to the floor, she was glad to be done with the falling.

Standing, she glanced swiftly around and found both the rabbit and the butterfly standing looking at her. "How...Oh never mind." Flipping her hair out of her face she walked to the table and looked for the key and pishsalver only to see it empty. She turned to Mctwisp who held up both. Smiling she knelt and took the little bottle and sipped carefully, re-corked the bottle and waited as she shrank to almost the rabbit's height. Gathering up her now too large clothing she looked at the other two travelers. " I truly wish that that worked on clothing." They all three chuckled a bit before their mission's weight sobered them. Mctwisp opened the door and all of them walked into the vibrant garden, where the flowers moved in the breeze and smiled and dragonflies and horseflies played tag.

Taking a deep breath she smiled softly. It was so good to be back. "Where is he at?" listening to her question she realized she had stopped saying his common name. It was 'He' now, because she didn't deserve to speak his name or title.

"He's in the castle at Marmoreal, he has quarters there as the court's Hatter. The queen watches over him." She nodded and followed behind him on their way.

As they walked Alice was brought to terms about things she wasn't so very fond of in Underland...Namely the very haughty talking flowers.

"Well would you look at her!" a very pretty rose said.

"She looks as if she is wilting doesn't she?" A little pansy spoke this time. Alice gathered her clothing around her in a bit of a huff.

"She isn't even properly dressed! She's wearing men's clothing. The girl has gone quite as mad as the Hatter." The rose leaned down to whisper to the pansy but Alice could it seem hear better then the flora assumed. She quickened her pace again to create distance between them swiftly.

"Don't take it to heart my dear. You know how insulting those flowers are. As if you were mad."  smiling encouragingly McTwisp patted her shoulder.

A sad smile attempted to pull at the corners of her lips. "No, I'm not mad." she looked away and whispered softly. "All the best people are."

******************************************************************************************************

When the white towers of the castle of Mamoreal imposed upon the sky with their height in front of her she nearly cried out in joy. She was here, and her dear friend was only hallways and stairways away at most. Of course she realized later being that hopeful was near naive in this castle. As Mctwisp and Absolem tried to take her to the Hatter, the Queen's courtiers appeared demanding a formal greeting and introduction to the court. Setting her lips in a tight sever line Alice fought the urge to yell at them. She followed the mass of useless nobles to the throne room where Mirana sat. It bothred Alice that she was here sitting on her fancy chair instead of by 'His' sickbed. Her head told her that she coudn't be there all the time, she had to run the land, but it did little to calm her heart. One thing was sure and that was that she wouldn't leave his side.

The White Queen took one look at Alice and her smile grew, becoming a genuine thing as opposed to the one for appearance sake she usually wore. She wasn't sure how she did it, it was surely a tiring thing, probably hurt her cheeks. Mirana rose and flowed gracefully the distance between them, and kneeling embraced the small Alice. A moment of shock was all that held her own arms at her side, but as it diminished she hugged the queen back.

"I'm so very glad you have returned my friend." The pale lady with the dark lips spoke the words softly, not projecting to the court. For which her friend was very glad.

Tears threatened Alice's eyes again. "Thank you, sorry I've been gone so very long...my friend."

The queen gave a quick squeeze and then released Alice. "Will someone open up Alice's rooms and her wardrobe?" Glancing behind her she spoke "Thackery, will you hurry to the kitchen and get her some Upelkuchen ?" Looking around the queen's skirt she watched as the March Hare bounded away back toward the Kitchens.

"No hurled tea cups?" shock kept her voice low.

The queen looked down at her with a face that showed that she was about to make news that was very bad, as little bad as possible. Alice gasped in a few breaths quickly.

"He has been quite tame as of late, over concern for Tarrant, that's all." It was quite clear that the queen wasn't making eye contact. Over concern Alice's left shoe! She nodded anyway.

Gathering up her vest, blouse and trousers, she looked up at Mirana. "Queen-"

"Alice you needn't use my title. Mirana is fine."

Blinking in shock Alice tried again. "um.. Mirana I would rather get right to his side.. Once I get back to my normal size, of course."

The queen smiled and nodded. "Your room is adjoined to his quarters. You can change and be by his side in no time. I just left him moments before you entered, Alice. He is sleeping peacefully."

The march hare came thundering back into the room, with the small cake on a plate in his grasp. Alice flinched and almost ducked when he skidded to a halt offering the cake up to her. He was just a little taller then her and the white rabbit she noticed as she regarded him carefully looking for her friend in him. There was a bit of tension around his eyes, and he seemed too anxious. Maybe that was a little bit of him escaping this controlled persona. Just to be safe she took the cake and plate from him, leaving him nothing visible to hurl at her head. She took a very small bite of the beautiful little treat. It seemed that she was finally getting the hang of the shrinking and growing game. She filled her clothing back up perfectly and now was almost eye to eye with the queen.

Straightening her vest she smiled. "I'd like to go see him now." Her friends all exchanged glances before the queen nodded and motioned gracefully for the march hare to guide her. He scuffled toward the room's large doors leading out into the hall and staircases. He moved with a strange mix between hoping and walking, a pace Alice had to strain to match. Silence was all they shared for two staircases and one long white hallway.

"I'm so sorry..." she whispered.

Stopping he turned and looked at her "You left, you did what you had to. I'm not mad at ye, I'm concerned for him." his accent was still thick and he starred at her a little more intently then most, but he wasn't as wild as she remembered. She knew the two teapartiers had fed each others madness but she would never have expected this.

He stopped at a pair of double doors, the wood a beautiful white, like everything in this castle. On a golden plate was one simple word 'Hatter'. Funnily she had always expected a warning sign to be posted near anywhere the red headed man would call his. She placed a trembling hand on the right side door handle, and looked back at the Hare.  "Go ahead, lass."

Preparing herself for the worst, she turned the handle slowly and walked into the room. It was an expansive area with vibrant colors on all surfaces. One would never imagine them going together and creating harmony, but it did.  She wondered if it was because she knew the mind that had created it, that made it beautiful, or if anyone would look at the varied pallet and see something happy.This was a large room full of his tools of trade, sitting areas and a table and chairs. Leading off of that were what she thought were smaller areas like closets and bathrooms. Hats littered the room, some on props, a couple hung from chandeliers, most were on tables and chairs. Every single one was a work of art, what she had been seeking in that boring shop as she walked by daily, was rampant here. Her fingers brushed against fabrics, feathers, and leather. He was a master at his craft, no one could ever deny him that.

Moving through such a lively room with a crushing silence hanging in the air should have told her that she was nothing close to prepared for what awaited ahead of her. The splendor of color and creativity distracted her from the ominous quiet. Venturing into the back of the main room she looked for where his bed would be. It was clearly not in the main room, so it would have to be behind on of the doors. The first door she opened was in the back, she was drawn to it. When it clicked open she poked her blond head in to be met with darkness and the sound of breathing. It wasn't pitch dark, a lamp was burning low. She was sure this was the bedchamber, by the breathing. Encouraged she hurried to lamp to turn up the light, so she could see him. As she wound the wick up she truly listened and took in what she heart. Slow shallow gasps echoed through the room, making the warmth of the lamp shrink as cold fear gripped her. She was afraid to turn around and know how bad he was, she was naive now setting on that verge where knowledge was waiting and you knew it was going to hurt.

The want to run as fast as she could away gripped her, her legs even tensed in preparation. "NO!" she admonished herself and the flight response. "You will not abandon him again." Taking control of her fear she embraced the coldness and turned it from fear to strength. The strength to do what must be done no matter how much it hurt. Measuring her breaths she turned and looked at the face that the light fell across on the bed, and felt the warm tears fall. The only weakness she would allow of herself until she helped him back.