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mikeyinanutshell — mom's perfume
Published: 2003-11-26 08:40:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 49; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 42
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Description
about things and people and memories that are too hard to ignore.Related content
Comments: 3
You have some promising ideas, but there's a lot of repetition in this, and much of the redundancy makes it lag and even stop me from reading on.
A solid ending and a decent opening so far, work some more around trimming unnecessary repeats of ideas, and allow the reader a little more to imagine in the words.
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i'm not sure what you mean by redundancy. i do see what you mean by repetition, i did repeat the word "warm" three times in a certain section of the poem, but with intention, as a literary device. the thing i think most about when i think of a mother is warmth. could you show me specifically which part of the poem you found to be redundant?
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I meant redundancy of ideals. You don't need to go so far in detail as you did. You speficy a bit too much and leave the reader very little to draw for themselves. Making your writing too personal sours it for others that want to enjoy. I will note you later with clips of the poem that I found redundant.
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