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Introspective

The grains beneath your feet and the coolness on your skin is almost alarming, to be this content, complete and whole. It is simply much too good to be true. The sound of the water lapping is washing all thought from your mind, cleansing—an entirely new slate. As the day grows older, the tide rises. The ocean reaches out, hands seeking your toes, so very close, but never quite reaching. It draws back as though it has given up, only to spur up another bout of energy in order to try again. Crashing over into itself, the ocean calls. The sun is falling and the moonlight fights to reign, softly rocking the waves back and forth. The wind whips through you hair and against your suave evening dress, back and forth, back and forth…and that—this—consistency keeps you at peace.

Ha.

Lies.

Always lies.

…No more lies…not anymore.

"I hate the ocean. I hate the way it always makes me feel. Trapped, limited, and grounded."

You pause as you bend down to pick another seashell from the gritty sand and throw it off into the receding waters, before continuing to walk down the beach

"The water goes on for as far as the eye can see to places across the world. To places I can't ever go."

You cease walking and your eyes wander off and down the fading horizon.

You plop down on the ground precariously, indifferent to the filth clinging to your skin. Beaches aren't always warmth and clear white, not to you. They're rather like wastelands where everything goes to die. When animals are sick—withering—they wash up on shore and there the inevitably die.

"I bet you’re wondering why I’m even telling you this. You don't even know me,” you say with the effort of making your tone sound bitter but the bite just isn't there. You glance toward from the corner of you eye.

"Well, are you just going to stand there and stare or are you going to sit with me?"

Her question was a bit surprising, but Steve obliges wordlessly. As he sits, careful not to dirty his dress clothes, you let out a muffled snort.

"You’re an odd one."

Still, there is no bite.

Steve watches you, as you watch the water. He’s never heard you speak quite so much…at least never to him, plainly too busy for small talk with someone lacking in the intelligence department. But now, to him at least, you seemed so small. So very precious. He finds himself unable to conjure any words that could be remotely deemed appropriate, so he settles for silence. Instead he recalls…

~~~

“You do realize silence is a valid response.”

Steve startles at your sudden input and proximity and steps back. You eye him curiously, silently, simply waiting to see what the man would do next. Tony barks out a laugh and smirks at Steve’s most amusing behavior. The captain had never been all that privy when it came to women.

Tony had been teasing Steve after the blonde man mentioned the waitress from the restaurant they frequented. Tony had been oh so sure that Steve was interested in the woman and Steve had spent the last five minutes trying to prove to Tony otherwise.

“Steve, this (y/n). She and I went to university together. We enjoyed every minute of it, didn’t we?”

“It was awful. You were always drunk and I always had to drag you home,”you respond flatly with a expressionless face.

“See, what did I tell you? Fun!”

You shake your head fondly—no smile—but you do not negate his words any more. That would only encourage him to further explain just how much ‘fun’ college had been. You nod in response to all Tony says as he rambles off and into his own world.

While you mind Tony, Steve immerses himself in you. You are so very different from Tony that Steve finds it hard to imagine a friendship ever blossoming between the two of you. It’s almost as strange as it former was to see Tony ever winding up with someone as steadfast as Pepper.

“Tony, do calm down,” you mutter, a small smile playing at your lips.

It is only then does Steve notice the British accent in your voice and he again begins to wonder how you and Tony ever came to be. He momentarily wonders if you and Tony used to ‘be.’ The idea seems likely, but for some unknown reason it was just as disappointing.

~~~

The next time Steve sees you is again at Tony’s place. As he walked through the open door, he noticed Pepper talking animatedly with another woman on the sofa—you. Steve remains silent as he observes. He’s never seen Pepper quite so excited before.

“It’s so nice to see that Tony has some normal friends from his youth,” she says as she picks up a glass of lemonade and takes a sip.

You smile softly as you look down to your lap, “I wouldn’t exactly consider myself normal.”

“Oh no, trust me. Aside from Rhodey, Tony is severely lacking in normalcy.”

This time you laugh and Steve is positive that its ring is but a spell for him to fall under.

“Oh, Steve. I didn’t hear you come in.” Pepper’s smile is soft and inviting as she stands to her feet and approaches him, though it is nowhere near as enthused as it had been when she was speaking with you.

Steve could only suppose that it was something to do with you both being women. Your smile, on the other hand, was nonexistent as you eyed him with seemingly keen disinterest. It rather stung, thus the super soldier was quick to avert his eyes back to Pepper.

“Tony?”

“Where else would he be,” Pepper says with a playful smile and Steve returns the sentiment.

He looks briefly to you—you had already turned your attention back to Pepper as the woman reanimated the conversation—making his way to the lab.

You were strange.

~~~

Steve sees you just about every time he'd go and visit Tony, but it was always brief, passing. As you’d arrive, he’d be heading out and vice-versa. You’d always nod in his direction, but you hardly ever spoke to him despite the fact he always tried so hard to initiate conversation and in time Steve learned to accept it.

So the next Steve truly sees you is at one of Tony’s many extravagant parties. Steve had been lingering in the corner—as was custom—preferring to watch others dance and mingle and store their images in his head to sketch later. He’d noticed you when you’d entered the ballroom, quickly greeted by Tony and Pepper before you barely managed to cross the threshold. Pepper and Tony entertain you for some time before Tony snakes an arm around the strawberry blonde’s hips, whisking her off to dance. You wander through the throng of people before you head out the back door and Steve can’t help but follow.

You follow the trimmed grass of the building until it let you to the sandy shore of the coast. Waves lapping and twining over and with one another. Silently you slipped out of your heel, leaving them where you removed them and headed closer to the water. Steve listens to you as you wander down the shoreline collecting shells and releasing them in the water.

"Well, are you just going to stand there and stare or are you going to sit with me?"

~~~

“I think I like you.”

Steve startles at your words, tearing his eyes from the lazy circles he had been drawing in the sand.

“Me?”

You nod softly, eyes still full of the shore, and Steve begins to wonder if you’d had a bit too much to drink.

“You’re so simple. I like that,” you say as you slightly readjust your head to peer at him, a small smile playing about your lips, “I can’t ever seem to get out of my head, but when you started to frequent my thoughts, I thought perhaps that wasn’t all that bad.”

“You…thought about me?”

“Mmhmm… a lot lately. I was really glad to see you’d come to the party today, but I suppose I lacked the courage to pursue a conversation…as always.”

You sighed as you tucked a strand of hair behind your hair turning your eyes back ahead as you rested your chin on your huddled knees, the coming moonlight illuminating your figure.

"At least I used to hate the ocean and the way it made me feel. But then I thought about it and I realized the ocean made me think you. And I thought that perhaps being here wasn’t all that bad, at least not if you were here.”

Steve finds himself speechless and you can feel the heat spreading about your cheeks.

“You must think I’m insane. I'd never talked to you, I ignored you, and now here I am confessing my undying love.”

“Undying?” Steve repeats blankly.

His repetition hurries the spread of blood and you burrow your head into your lap to hide your embarrassment.

“I just never knew what to say.”

Your words are muffled by the smooth fabric of your evening gown, but Steve understands you perfectly, verbally and nonverbally.

“You were always so nice and you always had the most adorable smile on your face. I really liked that.”

The sheer thought of Steve’s smile makes your heart melt and forces a smile upon your lips. A silence falls, excepting the lapping of the cool water beneath the moon, and you decide to throw in the towel. You sit upright and turn to look at the man, trying your absolute best to be strong.

“I’m sorry. We can just pretend this never happened. I was never exactly nice to you, so it’s only natural that you’d—!”

Soft. His hands are so gentle against your cheeks, but his lips are soft against your own. Your heart delightfully thrums in your chest and your head as you lean closer to reaffirm the kiss. You can’t help but lay your hands on his shoulder, gently at first, but when he makes no move to remove them you let them lay flat, fingers curling into the fabric of his suit. When Steve pulls away, you furrow your brows displeased and worried. But the smile—that smile!—on his face lays all worries to rest. As he gazes at you, he runs a tender had through your hair, likely tangling grains of sand within, but that was no concern of yours. He moves to rest his forehead against yours and you sigh blissfully. Steve chuckles as he lets his eyes slip shut and you follow suit.

“I’m probably not as good of a kisser as Tony.”

You can’t help but laugh at that, “I wouldn’t know.”

Steve’s eye’s snap open and he pulls back just a bit, “Wait. You and Tony never…”

You gaze at him, smile still in place, as you shake your head, “Tony and I really were just friends. Platonic in every aspect of the word. I was never exactly his type, let alone girlfriend material.”

“Somehow I doubt Tony had a ‘type’ back then.”

“He was pretty open when it came to women, but it looks like Pepper’s gotten him under control and he’s got you, so I’m glad really. I used to always worry about him…”

Your friendship with Tony is visibly strong to Steve and he finds that strength endearing.

“I suppose that’s why I started like you.”

Steve is clearly confused so you continue to explain.

“I just thought someone who could—no, would—stick around long enough to get to know Tony and then stay after they figured out all the baggage he came with must be a wonderful person.”

Steve blushes at yet another one of your compliments tonight but you don’t notice.

“If Tony approves of you, then you must be a great guy, but I already knew that.”
“I knew you were a nice girl.”

You blink repeatedly before turning to look at Steve and he moves in to kiss you.

“You’re sweet,”

A kiss on the left cheek.

“thoughtful,”

A kiss on the right cheek.

“shy,”

A kiss on the forehead.

“And overall remarkable.”

Steve doesn’t have to move this time around for a kiss. You had that—not to mention his lips—under control.