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1. i have a cactus named atticus that i bought
on the day i thought i was going to die,
and i never forget to water it, not
even when i forget how it feels
to breathe without my lungs rebelling
against my brain.

2. sometimes talking feels like walking on gravel
in a Georgian summer heat.
i try to keep talking anyway,
and hope that eventually
my voice will lose its softness and grow calluses.

3. once, a man whistled at me
outside of a grocery store from
the safety of his car.
four years later, i still haven’t stopped looking
over my shoulder.

4. i drive too fast and i take turns too sharply
and i never put enough sugar
in my tea and i could probably survive
on watermelon alone. i’m left handed
and once taught myself to write only in capital
letters to piss off my seventh grade english teacher.

5. i have never felt closer to my father
than when we stayed
outside till two a.m. in november and watched
a meteor shower.

6. there are some things
i don’t think i’ll ever get right on the first
try. like math equations and tightening
a light-bulb and falling in love
and baking cupcakes.
there are some things i think everyone
should try twice.

7. i’ve changed. okay, so yeah, sometimes i still
hold memories closer than i hold friends and sometimes
i still treat autumn like it’s the only time
in the year to find god, and sometimes
i still can’t get the lighter to work
on the first go-around. and yeah,
the only thing i really know how to cook
is grilled cheese, and yeah the only place
i really know how to drive to is home,
but this time, whenever the radio is on,
i sing.

8. look, ask anyone—i find it really
easy to talk about myself, and i do
it about seventy-eight percent of the time.
but when you look me straight in the eye
and ask for my greatest accomplishments,
i’m never going to find the right combination
of certificates or trophies
to make you smile.

9. dear colleges, you don’t want to know
me. you want a bullet point list of all
the reasons i think you should choose me,
and i have spent the last seventeen years
handing those out to people, like
they’re flyers to a new sushi restaurant
downtown and i am done.
make your decision now, and maybe
i’ll see you next fall.