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OceansOfBlue —
Lessons
Published: 2015-06-11 12:41:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 3494; Favourites: 98; Downloads: 0
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Description
In forty-seven minutes I will be twenty-one years old and my throat is tight with this notionthat every passing moment is a boat taking me further from the boy on the side of the road.
I am terrified of the swelling tide of time, the ripples I will create,
the creases that will be etched into my face
without the laughter lines I know he would have left and
one day someone will ask me how many siblings I have and I will hesitate
because he will be so distant and I can feel it coming.
I never intended to swim without him, but
I am drowning under the weight of pocket-stone-people,
the ones I love who he has never met and won't ever meet
and its forty-four minutes until I turn twenty-one when I realize the relentlessness of this;
how I will age away from him and I am disgusted with myself, with his ashes on the bookshelf,
with this world that keeps making mistakes that can't be fixed.
Twenty one years old and I am a semi-colon, a shuddering pause on the floor,
remembering the time I broke my mothers lamp and she wept that it was her grandmothers;
that it was one of a kind.
Twenty one years old and I am learning that
so much cannot be mended, that
burned bodies weigh more than the living, that
the passage of time is not cruel,
it is just indifferent.
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Comments: 25
Loved it. There's a striking immediacy in your poem, a must read, something we can't escape.
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Thank you <3 It felt quite that way at the time, so I guess I'm glad that came across.
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That was gorgeous 
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"Twenty one years old and I am a semi-colon, a shuddering pause on the floor,"
I love that line. I love all of it, really.
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Eeeep! Thank you so much. This has just made my day! <3
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I really like this. I lost a baby to SIDS. A lot of this describes so very well what it's like to lose someone so purely. It's unfair by it's the way of the world. It's never easy. The guilt of losing someone close to you is crushing. I hope you find peace. Live a full life and live for both of you. I'd love to tell you it gets easier but that would be a lie.
Great writing with strong visuals. Thanks for sharing this.
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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I am definitely far enough along in the missing-him process that I know it doesn't get easier, just different. I hope we both manage to live for them as best we can.
Thank you for your lovely words <3
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First of all congratulations on the DD!
And secondly, this hits me right in the heart. I love my brother to bits, so much so that I have to stop myself from bringing him up in conversations because of all the cool things he does. I feel this void you've written down so perfectly and for that I give you the tightest hug virtually possible from my part
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"Time waits for no one, it delivers us all equally to the same end. You can't plug your ears and cover your eyes." - Pharos, Persona 3
Congratulations on the daily deviation! This kind of reflects how I feel about becoming 18 and starting college next month.
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Are you perhaps referring to "The Catcher In The Rye" by J.D Saliger
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(and the Green Day song)
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The first time I read this, and possibly the second time, I understood you to be talking about yourself. How we progress in time, leave the past, etc. The third time I read it, I see it as you are talking about yourself and a sibling that you left behind, because he died so young. Both ideas work for me. Congratulations on your DD!
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A well executed revelation of just how temporary we all are, garnished with a side of the inevitable aches and pains that living brings.
Excellent work.
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Brilliant stunning writing. Congratulations on your D.D.
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The end of this.. good lord. <3 perfectly captured.
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