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Published: 2010-07-03 20:56:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 532; Favourites: 12; Downloads: 1
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Description
i am youngas are you
we are constantly
overestimated underestimated
magnified criticized picked apart
we are too old
for dulcet, sweet lullabies
and too young to
appreciate the starry night
with our enamored one
unsupervised
just once,
when they eyes were off,
we danced
oh, how we danced
hips arms stomachs lips bending
connection reaching blood muscle bone
bodies are seventy percent water
thus wave and crash and rain and rush
forest fire the word hurricane
low pressure high pressure meeting
cold air falling hot air rising
swirl in and around together
to create the beginning of the storm and there are
necks marked and faces traced
rowing towards that forbidden place
in a frenzy towards the finish line
eager and then slowed down
by reason and me
this is where it was
at back then,
i always the one to
cross my arms,
ruin the fun,
to steer in an
entirely different direction
and you, just once,
or perhaps a dozen times
before
tied my hands behind
my back
i may be young
but i know what is unacceptable;
and that was it
when i cut the ties
you desperately plead,
tried to show me
how you bled,
promised to cover me up
with a bandaid
threatened, cajoled
guilted
now i am relieved
to have not finished
the last spin of the dance
with someone like you
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Comments: 15
BleedingStupidity [2010-07-27 04:56:14 +0000 UTC]
I love the one stanza that just seems to flow out of you mind.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
mistsofavalon4ever In reply to BleedingStupidity [2010-07-27 15:14:45 +0000 UTC]
thanks
Jacy.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
fiction-freak [2010-07-15 12:07:05 +0000 UTC]
I love the italicised verse as well as the finishing one, it seems full of regret and the violence of lust and love and giddyness really comes through.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
mistsofavalon4ever In reply to fiction-freak [2010-07-15 15:05:25 +0000 UTC]
Power is...powerful? XD thanks. I am loving all your comments.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
fiction-freak In reply to mistsofavalon4ever [2010-07-15 23:31:53 +0000 UTC]
That's it!
Well I'd been meaning to get around it your folder for weeks now and I FINALLY got to it and I'm sorry I didn't get to it sooner!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
mistsofavalon4ever In reply to fiction-freak [2010-07-16 15:48:12 +0000 UTC]
it happens. it takes me a while to get to individuals with all the groups I'm in...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Daniee [2010-07-04 11:00:50 +0000 UTC]
I love the stanza in italics about the bodies made of water...and also, the underlying theme of poem titles is nice. I really wouldn't have caught it, so it's clever that you pointed it out.
Excellent work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
mistsofavalon4ever In reply to Daniee [2010-07-04 17:43:05 +0000 UTC]
well, not many people now about Jewel's poems, soooo it seemed necessary.
Thankies. Especially for the comment, because I actually like those more than faves.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Daniee In reply to mistsofavalon4ever [2010-07-04 22:39:03 +0000 UTC]
I agree! I'd rather have constructive and/or detailed feedback than see that I was one of 200 things that someone favorited that day. It's disappointing to get to their page and realize they've favorited so many more things that you've been bumped off already! Lulz. That's how it goes on Deviantart, though.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
mistsofavalon4ever In reply to Daniee [2010-07-04 23:19:34 +0000 UTC]
It quite is. I understand running and faving though...I watch so many people sometimes it's overwhelming.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Daniee In reply to mistsofavalon4ever [2010-07-05 00:41:58 +0000 UTC]
True! Once you start joining a lot of groups too, it does get to be a bunch of things to look through.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
mistsofavalon4ever In reply to Daniee [2010-07-06 17:41:26 +0000 UTC]
Also I love Ani Difranco. Good taste
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Daniee In reply to mistsofavalon4ever [2010-07-07 02:25:47 +0000 UTC]
Right? Her poetry is so inspirational and lovely. Soo talented :3
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
