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mistsofavalon4ever — masquerade
by-nc-nd
Published: 2010-02-13 18:51:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 797; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 4
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Description
Life's a masquerade,A play for the ages
Stage names
Stripper names
Pen names
Hair dyes
Lipsticks
Wigs
Fake Ids
Maybe one just wears
A mask
For the hope that
Someone else,
Curiosity piqued,
Will pull it off
And see what they
Truly are
Don't we all
Want at least
One person
To know
All we are
Underneath?
Babies and fools
Are the only ones
Who don't wear them
The most holy
And innocent
For they have nothing
To hide
Run past the
Corridor,
Let the trail of
Your gown chase you,
Like he does,
With eager hands
In his eager dream
Be the pretender,
And if he finds out,
Make him a hypocrite
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Comments: 10
Reading this aloud I find my self interested by the statement your making more than the structure and organisation of this piece. I feel that the lines 'Stage names/Stripper names' have no value while both are present and would produce a larger impact in that stanza if one was eliminated and the line 'A play for the ages' ended with a semicolon.
I also feel the second and third stanza conflict with the fourth.
To say that someone wears a mask so to increase the allure and mystery of the self, then to say that 'Want at least/one person/to know' would imply that we want many people to know who we are. If we wear a mask so that people will want to look beneath it and know us, yet in the fourth stanza it shows that only those without shame don't wear this facade.
It's also quite funny how you linked holiness with fools, intentionally or not.
Nevertheless the overall effect of the piece isn't diminished by my personal qualms with it's structure. and I'm very impressed by how you managed to incorporate those conflicting ideas into a fluid well read poem.
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Thank you for the critique! I will revise.
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thank you...still have to polish this up though *sighs*
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It's still well written though
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The beginning drew me in. I loved hte first two paragraphs.
From then on it got a little jumbled but I still loved it.
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Yes, shall revise. Must be perfect before I update tho ^-^
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I'm sure it won't take that long.
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this is really well written and so true. everyone wears a mask of sorts and wants at least one person to know their true self. love it!
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