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mmtOB3 — Contretemps : introduction chapter
Published: 2012-01-23 20:55:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 853; Favourites: 16; Downloads: 18
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The room felt big. Its size was not spectacular, but its emptiness and the white wall, ceiling and floor gave an impression of space. There was a single white bed in the center of the room. A window with white curtains could be found next to it. The door, which could be found on the other side of the room, was brown, like it had to be more visible than anything else in the room, more visible than the bed itself.On the bed was a dark grey mare. She was awake, and was staring at the beautiful blue sky through the window with an empty look. Her left front leg was covered by bandages, but no blood was to be seen. More bandagess were on her forehead, her neck and her back. She didn't seem to suffer from physical pain, though. She sighed deeply and took a look at the door.
Her mind was still unclear. She had no idea why she was there, why she had all those bands, and only wanted to get out of the hospital, take a shower and go take a nap. She was awfully tired, even though the sky showed it was around midday.
Some noise in the corridor interested her, but it seemed it was not for her. She went back looking at the sky, waiting. She was waiting for answers. The answers of all the questions she had in mind.
More noises in the corridor. She diregarded them for a while, until she realized the door to her room was opened. She quickly turned her head towards the door, causing pain to rush down her back and her neck. She cringed in pain and slowed the pace of her movement.
« Hold on, Lady Octavia. You're still hurt from the accident, you shouldn't be moving this fast already. »
A doctor and a nurse entered the room. The nurse had a cart with some food, along with a few papers.
« Hi Doctor » said Octavia, still looking in pain from her violent movement. She sounded angry and it was visible she was restraining herself.
« Before we talk, there's a letter for you. It's from the Princess. »
Octavia was about to ask all her questions, but she soon stopped upon hearing she received a letter from the Princess herself. Why would the Princess write to me ? The doctor opened the letter and she read, silently :
« Dear Lady Octavia
I am deeply sorry for the incident during the concert, yesterday. You'll be pleased to learn your dear Cello didn't suffer any damage and is currently waiting for you at the castle, under my own care. I can't wait to see you there to take it back with you.
I, however, have a request i would like you to accomplish first.
I know all of the musicians at the concert suffered injuries in the accident. I am aware of every single scratch you all received because of that incident. Because of this, I would like for you to go to Ponyville and take some time off. I told my student, Twilight Sparkle, you would be coming and she probably arranged everything for you to stay already. I know that town isn't as sophisticated as Canterlot, however I believe you should get away from here for some time, to recover. Ponyville is a very friendly town, and everypony there will be nice to you, especially since you're The Lady Octavia, very famous Cello player at the Grand Canterlot Orchestra. You may recognize some of the ponies who will be in charge of welcoming you there, as I believe you already met them in last year's Grand Galloping Gala.
I hope you can recover fast and you can get back to us soon.
Truly yours,
Princess Celestia »
Octavia threw the letter away with rage. The request was given out like an order and she probably didn't have the choice, but she still had questions.
« First, can you explain to me what in the world happened that put me here in Canterlot's hospital, and explain to me why... »
« Oh, that. Actually, two days ago, you were giving a concert, with the Orchestra, at the concert Hall. For some reason, half of the building collapsed and fell on the musicians. There were no dead, but you all suffered severe injuries. Most of the instruments were destroyed as well. It was a real disaster and... »
« THAT is not what i really want to know » said Octavia, looking angrily at the doctor.
« You asked me what happened... »
« You didn't let me finish my questions. I was about to ask about THIS. »
Octavia pointed to the bandages on her body with the tip of her noise.
« Well you had half a building fall upon you head, it's normal that you have to... »
« THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS SHOWING ! »
Octavia stared at the doctor. Tears began flowing from her eyes.
« EXPLAIN WHY I CAN'T MOVE MY LEFT FOREHOOF ?! »
The doctor avoided her stare. She was openly crying and tried to grab the doctor's vest with her valid hoof.
« HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PLAY THE CELLO NOW ? »
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Comments: 7
Okay. I like this.
But one question.
Will it or will it not be Octascratch? I just want one Octavia story that doesn't end in some kind of ship.
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I don't plan on getting OctaScratch in here. This story will be about Octavia's mindset, not about shipping
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You've made my reading list.
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Nice concept, might need a bit more flusing out. You use < rather then " which isn't wrong but its kinda odd. A few spelling mistakes here and there.
"Her mind was still unclear. She had no idea why she was there, why she had all those bands, and only wanted to get out of the hospital, take a shower and go take a nap. She was awfully tired, even though the sky showed it was around midday.
Some noise in the corridor interested her, but it seemed it was not for her. She went back looking at the sky, waiting. She was waiting for answers. The answers of all the questions she had in mind."
Bands? also might want to split it there. Any-who great writing style going for an all out drama are you?
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I like the concept, and the execution is decent. there were some typos like "Valid" as "invalid", also try to show what's happening rather than describe it, like when you are setting the scene in the hospital room.
I'd like to see more of this story.
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Very cool, well thought out text and story.
I'd love to see this in comic form, just cause I think it shows way more emotion, but whatever's best for you is way to go.
Great stuff. : )
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I like the concept you have laid out. I'm a sucker for dramas like this. The only thing I'd change is the formatting on the last line of text. Since the text is so big, it takes away the surprise and emotion of it; since you want emphasis, italics would probably be the better option. Beyond that, this looks like it's going to be a wonderful story! Can't wait to see more.
- SG17
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