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monstermaster13 — I Hate These Films.

Published: 2021-12-01 00:52:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 9083; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 0
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Description Because It's Boring/Predictable: I Know What You Did Last Summer...here we go, how do I say this? This was an adaptation of a book that was a mystery story but was made to be a generic teen slasher movie to cash-in on the popularity of Scream, and apart from having Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinz Jr (who would later play Daphne and Fred in the Scooby Doo movie, and are now married in real life), there's nothing to it. The only thing going for it is the villain Ben Willis and even then I felt more sorry for Ben than I did for the teenagers to be honest because the teens are morons who clearly should not have been drunk driving. The only reason I watched the second movie was Jack Black and Jack Black is an actor who usually never misses with me, but here...he doesn't even do much, he shows up on the island as this hippy/rasta-dude a couple of times and then he gets killed off, yeah the character wasn't likable but I don't freaking care because it's Jack Black, seeing someone I love die in a movie is bad enough, but when it's Jack Black...seriously that death scene messed me up and made me cry when I first saw this movie. Because I thought Jack Black had died IRL but luckily he's alive and well.  Heck,  Jeffrey Combs is in the second movie and he also dies...then again, Combs is a horror regular so it's not uncommon. It says something when The Simpsons's parody of this movie did it better.
Because It Wasn't Needed: Fright Night (2011) and the Nightmare On Elm Street remake. Who was asking for these movies to be remained? Not me.
Because They Get Too Much Praise: Nolan's Batman movies. Seriously why does Heath Leger's Joker seem to almost always overshadow both Mark Hamill and Jack Nicholson's portrayal of the character in terms of 'best Jokers'? Yes at the time it was an interesting take on the character, but I can't say that I think I like Heath's Joker, because Heath's looks like Kurt Curbain crossed with Alec Delarge and he has mannerisms that make me think he say Jeff Goldblum's perfomance in the Fly and based part of those mannerisms on that performance.
Because Its Overexposed: High School Musical. I feel that it's because of the popularity of this movie that Kenny Ortega is forever gong to be pidgeon-holed as 'the happy go lucky teen musical' director because that's all he basically seemed to do afterwards. Heck, Disney Channel did a whole marathon that was just the first movie over and over again, with the sing-along edition...and even I would think that's too far, yeah some people complain about Hocus Pocus being so popular and getting a lot of attention (and that too is a Kenny Ortega movie) but Hocus wasn't popular to begin with, Hocus was pretty much viewed as a flop initially when it came out but became a cult classic later on (besides...i'm glad there are actually dolls/plushies of the Sanderson sisters you can buy), i'm sorry but what makes any of the special editions of the High School Musical movies any different than how they are regularly apart from sing-along-tracks?  They're all the same movie, and it's not even like the Star Wars special editions where  things that weren't in the original special edition.  Also freaking Twilight and 50 Shades Of Grey.
Because It Had Potential: The Descendants movies. The idea of these characters being the spawn of famous villains in Disney movies is one I really like, but the problem is...it's basically just HSM But The Teenagers Are Villain Offpsring, and if it wasn't sad enough that Disney seemed to be obsessed with the popluarity of HSM to the point of sometimes during musical movies that are copycatting the same style, it's even sadder when they bring Kenny Ortega on-board to essentially rip-off his own success.  You know Kenny, this and High School Musical are why the only thing you'll be known for as a director are made-for-tv teen bop nusical movies, outside of Newsies or Hocus Pocus that is.   Also...I know they had a budget and all but come on, at least they could have tried to make the villain offspring have some traits of their parents in terms of costumes and the like, Evvie looks like she was orginally the Queen Of Hearts's daughter, Jay (what? There's no Arabian name you could think for the spawn of Jafar?) looks like he's the lost third member of Milli Vannilli, the only thing Cruella-esque about Carlos is the color scheme (and how does him being afraid of dogs make him anything like Cruella? Cruella did NOT hate dogs in the Dalmatians movies, she just solely went after the dalmatians because she wanted them for her coat, and despite what the new 'Cruella' movie would tell you, her parents didn't get killed by dogs), also are you sure Uma isn't the daughter of Davy Jones and not Ursula (because she looks like she's Davy Jones's daughter, the only thing Ursula-like about her is that she turns into a giant octopus-woman)? Also Gill looks more like he is Mr Smee's son than the son of Gaston to be honest. And we never see Ben or his father as a Beast, oh we see Ben as a beast in the third movie but he looks more like he's ape-ing the tv adaptation of My Hairiest Adventure. I don't mind their version of Hades even if he looks like Billy Idol.  Also say what you what about Saban but not all of their shows are sentai adaptations...heck, Mystic Knights is their own original property, and no...Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills and Superhuman Samurai Syber Squad weren't made by Saban, those were done by DIC.  And the former is vastly different in the sense that there are 4 rangers and not 5 and they're called 'sentinels' and not rangers, and for some reason they grow giant sized when they morph...and their mentor figure is a different character....the rangers have a floating talking head, the sentinels have...a brain alien, with Otho Fenlock's voice, not even kidding there, that's actually what their mentor figure is, their mentor is a brain-alien named Nimbar who is voiced by Glenn Shadix.  But still...Descendants to me had potential but sounded more like Disney was envious of the creators of Monster High and Ever After High.
Because It Used To Be Good To Me Once: Scary Movie 3. I used to genuinely like Scary Movie 3, it wasn't my favorite of the Scary Movie franchise that would be the second one but...then, oh lord...they kind of went downhill, the first two stuck exclusively to parodying horror movies, while this one sort of does only it basically just parodies whatever else was big at the time like for example American Idol (right down to having Simon Cowell himself appear in a scene), and the worst offender...the Michael Jackson joke, basically it's a parody of The Others, only the joke is that it's Michael Jackson underneath the sheet, oh lord...the 2000's were just cruel when it came to jokes about Michael Jackson's child molestation allegations.  Even late night comedians. And hey, don't bring Jay Leno into this, Leno was a testifier at MJ's trial but wasn't allowed to make any jokes about it.  I'm sorry but it went downhill after the third movie. i'm glad I only watched part of Scary Movie 4 and missed out on Scary Movie 5.
Because It Seems Cruel: Saving Silverman. Love Jason Biggs and his friends in this but can't stand Judith, Judith is a controlling bitch who tries to take him away from his friends. I do love R.Lee Ermey in this movie though and I do love the use of Neil Diamond songs even though i'm not the biggest fan of that musician.
Because It's Too Depressing: Titantic. How can anyone say they loved this movie? Seriously...even the movie's own theme song by Celine Dion pretty much overshadows the actual movie in terms of its popularity and well...the ending is too depressing since you know nearly everyone dies except for those who survive. Heck, Billy Zane and Kathy Bates are the only reasons I watched it. Kathy slays n all of her performances.
Because It's Too Disturbing: Human Centipede franchise. That franchise is too gross even for me.
Because I Feel Nothing: The Chronicles Of Narnia.  Maybe it's because i'm not a religious person but I personally don't like when religious allegory is just constantly at focus in something, yeah I get...Aslan is a God/Jesus allegory and Jadis/White Witch is a Satan allegory, it's just it's jarring to seeing that being the constant focus of the books and the movies, yes I get it...daughters of Adam and Eve, the first humans ever in the history of the bible, but I got nothing out of this movie to be honest.
Because I Never Could See Myself Watching It Again: Arthur (2011). Dear people who complain about James Corden being in nearly everything these days, just be glad you didn't have to deal with Russell Brand as much as I did back in the early 2010's, seriously...Russell was so annoying and pretentious back in his Revolution period, I like Russell..it's just he isn't good at finding projects he won't fail at like for example being a talk show host or being an activist (although he is good at a bit of that), and he can only play one type of character and that's the rockstar wannabe, even in this movie.  First of all who asked for the 1981 film Arthur to get remade and who was the idiot who suggested Russell for this role?  Russell is annoying as hell in this movie, he sounds like he's trying to be Dudley Moore while also acting lke Aldous Snow only toned down.  I absolutely did not buy Arthur's relationship with Naomi in the slightest and I honestly only watched it because Helen Mirren was perfectly sassy as Hobson.
Because No Thought Was Put Into It: Blues Brothers 2000. John Landis is my favorite director, and apart from this movie...he's done nothing wrong in my eyes, and hey...the Twilight Zone movie's helicopter crash had nothing to do this. Aykroyd and Landis both worked on this but you can tell their original vision was tampered with.  At least the soundtrack saves it and Aykroyd and John Goodman are amazing together.
Because They Are A Mockery: The Seltzerberg 'Movie' spoof movies and similar bad parody movies. I watched Epic Movie for a specific reason, Carmen Electra as Mystique, and daaaaamn that woman is sexy even when she has blue skin, and of course the scene of her transform to cater to Peter's fantasies...yes, but still that's the only reason I watched Epic Movie.
Because Its Overrated: Forrest Gump. I like Tom Hanks, it's just...serious Tom has never appealed to me as much as wisecracking, sassy, comedic Tom Hanks and well it's kind of hard to take Hanks's performance seriously because of the accent and voice he uses for the character. Yes I understand why it got a lot of praise and i'm glad Tom got an Oscar for it, but I honestly think Best Picture that year should have gone to Pulp Fiction.
Because It's Not At All On Par With What Came Before: American Werewolf In Paris, Lost Boys 2: The Tribe.
Because It's Not My Demographic: 100% Wolf. I am a horror fan, I love werecreatures in media but it can be difficult to make monster media that is family friendly without toning it down too much and well...this just seems like it was well...'baby's first werewolf movie' and nothing more than that, I am not a big fan of the werewolf designs either, the werewolves just look like non-morphic wolves who can talk and it's confusing how sometimes they're on two legs but other times they're on all fours, ether choose one or the other or rewrite your movie, it feels like this is a kiddified attempt at monsters that doesn't have any sense of fun to it unlike Hotel Transylvania, and at least in the upcoming fourth movie we will get to see Wayne as a human.  The designs of the werewolves to me just basically scream 'coming soon to a claw machine near you as a stuffed animal prize' and not what I think of when it comes to werewolves, I think more humanoid looking ones,  the concept of good werewolves is pretty much wasted here. If you want good werewolf media that actually isn't a waste, there's always Teen Wolf, Teen Wolf Too,  Big Wolf On Campus, Fangface, and even Scooby Doo and The Reluctant Werewolf among others. Also for shame on not having the badass granny character Mrs Mutton turn out to be a weresheep.
Because The Acting Is Bad: Master Of Disguise. I used to like this movie and The Cat In The Hat solely because they featured SNL cast members (i.e Dana Carvey and Mike Myers) and while I do love Mike Myers in Wayne's World 1 and 2, So I Married An Axe Murderer and Austin Powers and Shrek...Mike definitely seemed like he was trying too hard to be wisecracking in Cat.  Master of Disguise has a story that sounds good on paper or in concept, a family of people who impersonate other people via elaborate disguises, but it's wasted here and yeah it just cashes in on the fact 'hey..Dana Carvey does voices, let's him do a bunch of characters in different voices'.  At least Who's Harry Crumb has John Candy doing both physical comedy and has witty dialogue.
Because The Direction Is Bad: North (1994).  Rob Reiner directed this...yes, the same one who directed Princess Bride, Stand By Me and Misery. Everything about this movie is just awful, you have stereotypes galore, a confusing 'this was just a dream' ending apart from the fact it wasn't a dream because Bruce Willis's character turns up in the waking world, and daaaamn 1994 was not Aykroyd's year, at least he did the second My Girl movie in this year too.
Because The Dialogue Is Weak: Ghosts Can't Do It. The plot alone is kind of morbid and sad...I mean the husband dies after having a heart-attack since he cannot make love anymore and the whole movie is about Bo Derek's character speaking to her ghost husband and trying to find bodies for him to possess but the body in general has to be dead? What good would a dead body be to a ghost anyway? Wouldn't it make more sense for the body to be you know...alive?  The dialogue is...quite weak but seriously the only highlight is the business conversation with Donald Trump and i'm not even kidding that is Trump in the movie. And Trump's dialogue sounds like Trump wrote it himself since it seems like there was a line that made it sound like Bo Derek is calling Trump handsome. Which in itself is a laugh.
Because I Don't Like The Characters: Christmas With The Kranks. How do I say this, every character who isn't Nora and Luthor...is an asshole just because the Kranks don't want to celebrate the holidays. Especially Vic Frohmyer, you know I love Dan Aykroyd, but not in this, he's an asshole in this...so what if they won't put up Frosty, what's so important about a decoration anyway?  That doesn't mean you can bombard their house with carollers.  Also don't think that them turning over a new leaf once they hear about the daughter coming over saves them, oh no...I think not.
Because Everyone I Know Hates It: Son Of The Mask. Dear anyone who says they like this movie, why? It's horrible. Yes, I can see why fans of Alan Cumming like this movie, because he plays Loki (and no, not the one you're thinking of), but why would anyone lke this movie? It's an insult to the orginal, it has nightmarish visuals...and no, just no.
Because It's Not Even Ironically Good: Norm of The North. I respect the opinions of those who do like it..but why? This is basically just as if someone saw that one South Park episode making fun of Rob Schneider almost always playing a man who has everything going for him only to end up turning into something or waking up as someone else and made it animated. Why are there are some people that simp over Norm? Norm is a non-morphic bear that is nothing to his character other than he likes dancing and shaking his ass, i've talked about this already but I find it demeaning when all there is to a largely built character is 'they're thicc ya'll, look at their ass'.  YI am talking about you, Gloria and Moto Moto, yes..hippos are thicc, everyone knows that, you don't need to give us shots of Gloria's posterior over and over (trust me I'll never be attracted to Gloria, not in the slightest). And also looking at you too Boomer from Wonder Park (seriously the advertising centered around that character just have him twerking or shaking his ass in general), it was bad enough seeing Miley do it, we didn't need a whole movie with a polar bear who does it.  Look at other overweight/large and in charge characters like for example Homer Simpson, Jabba, Pete, Peter Griffin or Pumbaa, yes..there is a fart joke in Hakuna Mattata and one in the third Lion King movie but apart from that, there is no focus on Pumbaa's weight at all.  Mayor Shelborne from Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs gains weight, yes...but the reason he does is because of the food-weather-machine Flint makes and throughout the movie it's hinted that he wants to be something bigger than just the mayor a small town, hence why he wants people to look at him and think 'that is one big Mayor', once he does gain weight, his weight isn't the butt of any jokes, he genuinely does seem comfortable with it, but becomes arrogant and greedy.  Baron Vladimir Harkonnen in the novel Dune and its adaptations is depicted as naturally being so overweight he requires suspensors in order to move and in all of the depictions so far he has been able to float, his weight is the least horrifying thing about him.  Although given his description in the original novel personality-wise it makes me wish they did a second cinematic adaptation in the 2000's and makes me wish Glenn Shadix could have played him. But still Norm is just a gross polar bear whose only sole trait is shaking their ass back and forth.
-  Because Its Just Plain Bad: Caddyshack II. Who asked for a Caddyshack sequel? I didn't. There were attempts to get Rodney Dangerfield back on board but Rodney obviously rejected those ideas hence why he's not in the movie and instead replaced by Jackie Mason, Ted Knight left the mortal plain before this movie was released so he was replaced by Robert Stack, and Bill Murray definitely must have said no and was replaced by Dan Aykroyd.  By the way, whoever told Dan to speak n that annoying voice he uses for the character of Tom Everett, should have been fired.  The only cast member who somehow returned was Chevy Chase and he doesn't look like he wants to be there at all...then again that's just Chev. He regrets being in this movie.  Dan Aykroyd also regrets being in this movie too along with Neighbors (due to production problems and how it turned out, and possibly because it was the last time he and John Belushi were on screen together), Exit To Eden (understandable, I too would be embarrassed to be in that movie), Blues Brothers 2000 (also understandable) and Loose Cannons (Why? Loose Cannons and Neighbors both seem like they're the odd ones out here ocmpared to the actually bad Aykroyd movies here on the list).  
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Dim432 [2022-10-06 22:37:38 +0000 UTC]

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monstermaster13 In reply to Dim432 [2022-10-06 22:41:29 +0000 UTC]

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Dim432 In reply to monstermaster13 [2022-10-06 22:47:37 +0000 UTC]

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monstermaster13 In reply to Dim432 [2022-10-06 22:48:29 +0000 UTC]

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