HOME | DD
Published: 2012-06-29 09:40:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 281; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 3
Redirect to original
Description
Green or red.Dillan looked nervously at his watch. There wasn't long left. The clock was ticking: somewhere out there Mad Kate would be pressing her finger on her own trigger. A tiny chemical pulse in her brain would cause her muscles to contract, prompting a small depression onto a tiny red button. This in turn would trigger an electric pulse which would run all the way to -
Well, to about a foot in front of Dillan's deepening frown.
He shifted the cutters in his hands. It was always the red wire. Always. The green wire was a bluff - it was textbook.
But Mad Kate was... well, unpredictable. She was kind of famous for it, actually. The kind of deranged mind which could easily conceive of wrapping a green wire in red casing. Or - heaven forbid - wiring a green wire to a live socket.
And still that clock kept ticking. The chimes seemed to get louder, the ticks increasing in pitch while the tocks deepened. Dillan shook his head - he had to just cut a wire. Otherwise the consequences would be... well, it was barely worth thinking about.
A voice rang out in Dillan's ear - pressure, more pressure.
You couldn't train for this sort of thing. The drills, the rehersals, the camera tests. It didn't prepare you, not when it came to this moment. Dillan's memory was his own worst enemy - and his only ally.
Dillian swore - whatever happened, he knew he'd regret that - and cut the green wire.
A melody played, booming in his ears; the room darkened with a streak of light. His heart raced - had he...?
A fanfare blazed. Lights illumunated the room. A crowd cheered and Mad Kate screamed in fury. The compere strode over with his pinstripe suit and broad smile.
Relief coursed through him: he'd done it.His eyes scanned the room and found his wife in the audience, lit by the red-yellow lights of the studio.Β Β He'd won - he was a Bomb Blaster. The grand prize was his: now everything was going to be OK.
Related content
Comments: 18
kittykittyhunter [2012-07-12 14:35:12 +0000 UTC]
I thought you built great tension in this piece. (I'm especially impressed that you got such a solid idea in 20 minutes -- this is a very interesting take on the prompt, hehe.)
I especially liked the surprise at the end. ^^
π: 0 β©: 1
monstroooo In reply to kittykittyhunter [2012-07-12 15:07:28 +0000 UTC]
hehe, thanks again!
I hope you'll join us for the next one? Four'o'clock on Saturday 21st July? Bit of flash fiction to help work up an appetite?
You'll be eligible for the grand prize sub now, too!
π: 0 β©: 1
kittykittyhunter In reply to monstroooo [2012-07-13 01:54:09 +0000 UTC]
Ooh, that sounds good. I'll have to see for sure closer to the time. Thanks for letting me know! ^^
π: 0 β©: 0
Shyanne-Kai [2012-07-05 08:45:40 +0000 UTC]
Haha, this is great! You've created very good tension with this, and the end reveal is a nice touch.
π: 0 β©: 1
Janoera [2012-07-03 13:00:04 +0000 UTC]
I think it says something about me as a girl that when I read the first line, "Green or red", I immediately think the narrator was choosing between two colors of clothes. Oops
π: 0 β©: 1
monstroooo In reply to Janoera [2012-07-03 14:06:17 +0000 UTC]
Haha! You're such a girl!
Go read *disrhythmic 's piece from the same prompt [link] you'll find that much more to your taste
π: 0 β©: 0
TheMoorMaiden [2012-06-30 01:35:07 +0000 UTC]
I liked this! It was a little different, and I liked the way you twisted it. If you wanted to I think you could explore this a little more, but the piece is fine on its own too. ^__^ The line 'But Mad Kate was... well, unpredictable', I thought it was going to say 'mad' instead, and a small part of me can't help but think that might work a little better, but that's just me being nit-picky. I think you did really well to write this in 20 minutes.
π: 0 β©: 1
monstroooo In reply to TheMoorMaiden [2012-06-30 08:26:42 +0000 UTC]
I think 'mad' went through my mind actually, but I thought it might be a bit, ah, predictable It felt too much like an easy gag to me, so I tried to change it up. I think you're right, though, it doesn't really work that well, and the joke doesn't really help build a tense atmosphere
Still, thanks for all the lovely comments! It's really appreciated
π: 0 β©: 1
TheMoorMaiden In reply to monstroooo [2012-06-30 21:32:24 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome. ^__^
π: 0 β©: 0
0hgravity [2012-06-29 16:40:07 +0000 UTC]
nice garden-path trickery here haha. When I first started reading I was like aw man, the ol' green wire, red wire situation but then
you turned it around! I think it's more than a meh, just got to get past the first half I guess.
π: 0 β©: 1
monstroooo In reply to 0hgravity [2012-06-29 16:44:34 +0000 UTC]
Maybe... perhaps I still haven't got over the first half
Appreciate the kind words, though!
π: 0 β©: 1
KwatzHeWrote [2012-06-29 09:53:47 +0000 UTC]
Simple but nice piece, especially considering how fast you wrote it. The reversal of the reader's expectations is well achieved.
π: 0 β©: 1
monstroooo In reply to KwatzHeWrote [2012-06-29 09:56:21 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! To be honest I was desperately trying to think of some twist or play I could make from a bomb-defuser (I was even boring myself while writing this, and couldn't decide what kind of tone I was after). I didn't want to just produce a straight story, I wanted to add a little spice. I'm not at all convinced of the result, but I guess to get any kind of twist within the time limit is an achievement of sorts
You've been keeping quiet lately, how are you getting along? What happened with your writing analysis software, any joy?
π: 0 β©: 1
KwatzHeWrote In reply to monstroooo [2012-06-29 10:14:54 +0000 UTC]
Yes, I'm quiet these days because I have to graduate this year, and so I'm very busy writing my thesis and getting rid of the last exams.
It's a pity, because I really like the spirit of this community and I wish I were more active. Unfortunately, I have thousands of deviations in my DeviaviantWATCH folder and this implies that I'd lose too much time if I selected the ones that I find more interesting, even though I actually have some time to spend in reading them. I wonder why there's not a filter...
As for the program, well, the code is there, at least the 30% of it, but I couldn't find the time to complete it.
π: 0 β©: 1
monstroooo In reply to KwatzHeWrote [2012-06-29 15:25:30 +0000 UTC]
I turn most of my deviation notifications off and just cherry-pick from galleries. I find it stressful having those big stacks of unread work!
Shame about the code, it was a fascinating project. Good luck with your exams!
π: 0 β©: 1





