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monstroooo — Doubt [NSFW]
Published: 2012-06-02 10:25:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 1195; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 5
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Description "I curse you, Vladmir!" the crone screamed, spittle streaming from her chapped lips. "I curse you with doubt; I curse you to never tell truth from lies; I curse you to never know your own mi-"

The blade plunged deep into her throat, cutting off her curse with a sickening gurgle. Blood flowed across the steel in a black river.

"You fool!" Anya cried, tearing Vladmir's arm away. The dagger left the crone's throat, sending a crimson spray across the bare walls. She collapsed into a heap on the cold stone.

"I grew weary of her screams," shrugged Vladmir.

"She cursed you by name and blood, my love!"

"I fear no curse from a hedge-witch," he spat, wiping the blade against the crone's dirty rags. Blood cloyed thickly, glistening in the gloom.

"Blood has power, Vladmir. If the Dark Gods were listening..."

"Enough of your superstitions! I do not fear the words of this low hag."

"Do not be so sure," Anya said, stepping closer. Anya was as tall as most men - and as strong – but Vladmir stood a whole head above her; she gazed up into his eyes and laid a hand on his arm. "You must leave the blade, my love, lest the taint follow you."

"This dagger is my last connection to my father! When I find him..."

"If his body still draws breath, your father will just be glad to see you hale and hearty. If it does not..."

"He still lives, Anya," Vladmir's heavy brows drew together, as if in defiance of the fates.

"I pray he does. But you must leave the blade."

"No," he replied coldly, shrugging away from her touch. Sheathing the long knife, he strode across the filthy floor to the prone, bloated body of Gregor. A broadsword was lodged firmly in his stomach. The crone's son was a giant of a man, surely eight foot tall and thick with fat. A simpleton, damned as the product of incest.

With a sharp tug, Vladmir tore his sword from Gregor's belly. The steel ripped through flesh and fat alike, spilling Gregor's guts over the floor. The bowels tore open as Vladmir's sword sliced through them, filling the air with a pungent rot.

Anya suppressed a gag.

"We are done here," said Vladmir, wiping his sword and turning down the dark archway which led from the tower. He looked back over his shoulder as he began his descent, as if suddenly remembering something, then continued into the darkness.

            ~o~

They descended the winding staircase in silence, save for the chinking of their mail and the stamping of their boots. Scant moonlight crept in through the windows, half-hidden by grotesque stone idols and spindly wooden effigies. Decaying, half-eaten bodies of rodents and even cats littered the stairs.

They paused at a doorway near the base of the tower. Vladmir stooped into a darkened room and walked over to one of several stout wooden tables. A figure lay upon it, half naked save for torn linen trousers. One shoulder was covered in a foul black rot. Nothing in the room moved: Anya's sharp eyes noticed that no creature littered the floor. The air was too foul even for vermin.

Vladmir brushed the prone figure's lank black hair, gazing deeply into pale, lifeless eyes. Wordlessly, he hefted the body over his shoulders. Anya stepped aside as he left the room.

            ~o~

The villagers were waiting for them when they exited the tower, weak flames trying to lighten the gloom of the night.

"Go carefully, my love," Anya whispered into Vladmir's ear. "That one is Gregor's kin."

"Are you certain?" Vladmir replied, squinting across the crowd. They stood atop a ruined flight of steps, towering over the mob.

"Look at the size of him. How could he be aught else?" The man stood out of the crowd like a wolf amongst starving dogs. His head was bald, but a coarse black beard spread across his chin.

"It is done," Vladmir announced loudly, to a chorus of silence. One man, a priest, judging by the rope which bound his robe, moved away from the crowd.

"So easily your justice is cast," he said. A scrap of grey hair sat atop his head, the aged lines of his face belied by the sharp dark eyes which gazed out. "You had no right, stranger."

"The crone killed my blade-brother," Vladmir replied. "Artur is avenged. You should thank me: for you are released from her thrall."

"What thrall?" the priest asked, opening his arms wide. "She was a healer, much loved amongst the village. She was kin to many here."

"She was a witch. A conjurer of poisons and petty charms, a mother to abominations. She envied Artur his strength and robbed him of what little he had left."

"Artur was gravely wounded when he came to us, stranger. No man could have survived his wounds."

"He was no mere man. He was a Salassian Warrior."

"Warrior or no, he was beyond Morgana's powers."

"You admit the crone had power?" said Vladmir, shifting Artur's weight on his shoulder.

"Considerable," the priest replied, a smile twitching at his mouth. Anya looked to Vladmir nervously, the dying curses of the witch ringing in her ears. She noticed his hand hover over the hilt of his father's dagger, and in that simple gesture she saw the seed of doubt take root in his mind.

"Then you will thank us, some day," he said.

"What of the boy?" the priest asked. Anya eyed the giant in the crowd, loosening a small knife from the leather which bound it to her belt.

"He was in my way," Vladmir replied.

"Gregor!" cried the giant, bursting through the crowd. Roaring in fury, he rushed up the stairs towards Vladmir, brushing the priest violently aside. Before Vladmir could reach for his sword, Anya's arm lashed out. A knife flew through the air; the man collapsed backwards with a strangled gasp. He tumbled down the stairs to kneel on all fours, coughing and wheezing.

"We have no dispute with you, priest," Vladmir said, drawing his sword to a metallic whisper. "We can leave quietly, or we can carve a bloody path through you."

The priest nodded his head and stood aside. Villagers shuffled nervously backwards, leaving a path which led away into the forest.

Vladmir strode boldly through the crowd. Anya followed like a shadow in his wake.

            ~o~

"Perhaps we should build a cairn."

"My love?"

"A cairn. From rocks."

"Why would you do such a thing? The pyre is ready. We must release Artur's spirit."

"The fire will attract unwanted attention."

"And since when did you care who's attention you attract?"

"It is some way yet to Be'lal's Crypt, and we do not know what stalks these woods."

"Hmm. And what will become of Artur's soul while you cower from shadows?"

"Artur can find his own way to his father's halls."

"Find his... what has become of you? You are not normally so..."

"So what?"

"Uncertain."

"I... the only thing I am unsure of is-"

"Bah! Where is the great warrior who conquered my heart? Stop being a craven fool and strike the flame – free Artur's eternal soul!"

"Perhaps you are right." Vladmir sighed heavily. "Very well, we shall respect the old ways."

They stood apart in the darkness, watching the flames consume first the pyre, and soon Artur's body.

            ~o~

They made love as the sun rose. Anya's screams echoed through the valley and the morning chorus arrived a little earlier that day.

            ~o~

It just stood there.

It looked like a man. Clearly, it had been once. But some pestilence had ravaged its flesh. Open sores spread across its face and back, freely weeping blood and pus. Bandages covered most of its body; stained a deep yellow, with spots of black around the abdomen. Its skin was pale, except for where it was purple. Its eyes had sunk deep into their sockets, yellow with cataracts, and its mouth hung open limply, revealing teeth blackened with decay.

And it just stood there, wavering slightly, in the clearing.

"Does it live?" Vladmir asked, from his vantage behind the tree line. They had been watching the once-man for some ten minutes. Artur's pyre lay almost a full moon's turn behind them.

"I can smell it from here," Anya replied. "It must live, to reek so foul."

They watched in silence.

"Anya," said Vladmir, quietly, "do you suppose it could be..."

"What? No!"

"We are not so far from Be'lal. My father often spoke of the Wandering Death..."

"Too far, my love, for this wretched creature."

They lapsed into silence again, watching the once-man. Anya looked closely at its haggard frame. Nestor had been – no, was -  almost as tall as his son, bedecked in jewellery and whiskered in fine white hair. She shook her head – this was not Nestor, father of Vladmir, the Arch-Philosopher of Salassia. Such a man would not suffer the indignity of plague.

"We should do something," Anya said, drawing her long, curved blade from it sheath upon her shoulder.

"What can be done?" asked Vladmir. Anya gave him a devilish grin – a smile which should have made him want to take her then and there. Instead, it filled his stomach with fear.

Anya rose quickly and stepped into the clearing. Vladmir whispered a curse and drew his own blade.

Anya walked in a wide circle around the once-man. It made no sign of having seen her. As she got closer, she saw the tiny flies which buzzed in a confusion around its body; saw the yellow crust around its eyes; the grain of the long, ochre nails which stretched from its bandaged hands.

With a grunt, she struck out with her sword. It whipped through the air into the thing's neck-

-and stuck.

The blade bit deep into the creature's flesh and bone, and would not budge. Wide-eyed, Anya tried to snap the sword back.

And then the thing leapt.

It reached out with uncanny swiftness; grabbing Anya's sword arm and pulling it towards her. She staggered into the thing, trying not to fall into its embrace, into the open maw which hissed like a hundred rattlesnakes. They twisted and flailed, and somehow, her sword wasn't in its neck any more. Rotting flesh filled her nostrils as the creature's jaw widened.

Suppressing a gag and a scream, she desperately tried to hold the once-man back. Its hand bit into her arm like a vice, nails digging deep into her wrist. Its face drew closer, exhaling more rancid air. She distantly heard a shout, but forced all her energies into pushing the thing away.

She kicked out with a leg, catching the creature by the ankle. They collapsed into the mud together – the once-man releasing its grip as they did so. Gratefully drawing a breath of air, Anya wriggled and pushed away from the foul body.

Vladmir stood before her, sword raised, fear in the whites of his eyes.

"Finish-" she began, but was cut off by her own scream. The once-man raked her through the mud, clawing at her backside. She kicked frantically, trying to loosen its grip; she rolled onto her back but the thing was still there, dragging itself between her legs, hand gripping the leather of her bodice. Vladmir kicked uselessly at its withered body - the blows trembled through Anya but didn't register with the once-man.

It pulled itself up closer, Vladmir roaring, Anya screaming, its face leaning in, yellow eyes weeping gaping jaw inching closer-

-and then it was gone. Vladmir's foot ploughed clean through it, snapping the once-man's head from its neck and sending it rolling across mud. The body instantly fell limp. Anya scrambled to tear it off her, until Vladmir bodily lifted it loose and hurled it across the clearing.

Anya rose to her feet angrily.

"You imbecile! You pig-brained cunt!" she screamed into his face.

"I couldn't-"

"That wasn't Nestor!" she pushed him hard in the chest; he staggered backwards.

"How can-"

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Anya..."

"Throw away that damned dagger," she said, beating at Vladmir's broad chest. "Be done with this thing!"

"The dagger?" Vladmir clutched both of Anya's arms, holding her still. "What has the dagger to do with this?"

"Everything!" she replied, kicking at his shins.

"Enough!" he cried, pushing her away. She stood, panting, holding her bleeding arm close to her side. "If the curse ever held any true power, discarding the knife now will achieve nothing."

"How do you know? Be rid of it, Vladmir, and maybe you'll know your own mind once more."

"My mind is fine. That could have been my father, Anya, how could you just take off like that?"

Anya stepped closer, laying her hands on her lover's chest.

"Please, my love" she whispered. "You are not yourself. Do this thing for me."

Vladmir turned away, stalking between the trees in sullen silence.

            ~o~

It was different that night. Vladmir thrust into her with less than his usual vigour. As he collapsed on top of her, he refused to hold Anya's gaze. She ran a hand through his hair, slick with sweat, and gazed into the starless sky.

            ~o~

A week later, they strode beneath the corroded arch of Be'lal's temple. Before them stood the ziggurat which housed the great crypt; a huge stepped pyramid, carved of stone so grey it was almost black. Though the forest had tried to claim the temple – lichen and mosses creeping across the face of the stone like veins – all the trees within the grounds were withered, twisted and dying.

"He was right," Anya breathed. "Vladmir, he was right!" She clapped her hands excitedly.

"We cannot be sure," said Vladmir. "Who's to say this is truly Be'lal's final resting place?"

They walked slowly across the stone pathway, barely visible between the moss and leaves which blanketed the floor. Dark trees reached around and above them, reaching up to a leaden sky.

"Trust your senses my love. Can you not feel it in the air?"

"What is there to feel but cold and damp?"

"Evil," breathed  Anya. "It is everywhere. Just as Nestor predicted."

"Then where is he?"

Anya paused, looking around thoughtfully. Her gaze settled on the staircase leading up to the peak of the ziggurat. A blackened doorway could be made out amongst the shadows. She nodded towards it.

"Where else, my heart?"

"Hmm." Vladmir stepped away from the path, picking up a rotten branch from the floor. He inspected it, then tossed it to one side. He took up another, looked at it uncertainly, then discarded it also.

"Vladmir?" Anya asked. He ignored her. Finally, he took up a branch which suited him and waved it through the air experimentally. He opened a canteen from his belt, drunk a great drought, then soaked one end of the branch. Unravelling a cloth from around his boot, poured the contents of a small bottle over it.

Understanding his meaning, Anya took out two pieces of flint from her belt. Once Vladmir had tied the oil-soaked rag around the branch, she struck a spark. The head of the stick blazed into flame.

They stood in silence a moment, watching the fire dance. Anya drew her blade, nodded to her lover, and they both began the short walk up the steps, hand-in-hand, and into the darkness.

            ~o~

Nothing moved inside the ziggurat. The air was stale. Heavy cobwebs lined the dark stone floors and ceiling. Skeletons loomed in the fragile light of the torch – long dead and brittle with age.

Yet there was evidence of recent activity in those dark hallways: the corridors were lined with dust, but scuffed as if from many shuffling footprints. Great stone doors, presumably once sealed, hung ajar or lay collapsed in the corridor. Someone had been here – that much was plain.

Anya did not know whether that was good news or bad; at least, not until they stumbled across the body of Katarina.

"You are sure?" Vladmir asked, his voice echoing the small chamber.

"It is clear, my love," said Anya, crouched beside a withered body, grey and hard to the touch. "Her signet ring, see? And her spider necklace."

Half-burned candles lined an alcove to her side, arranged in a semi-circle around a human skull. Paper scrolls, worth a fortune back in Salassia, littered the chamber.

"If Katarina died here, than my father is surely close," Vladmir said, rubbing a hand across his chin. "Her death must have been no small thing."

"Perhaps," Anya replied, peering intently at the scrolls. "Though these papers unsettle me. They... they are spells, Vladmir." She looked up to him, worry creasing her face. "Necromancy."

"Truly? Then the man in the woods..."

"That was no plague, my love."

"By the darkest of  gods..." Vladmir leaned heavily against the wall.

"Vladmir," Anya asked, slowly, "why did your father come to this place? Why is his favourite apprentice lying dead amidst a ritual altar?"

Vladmir looked troubled.

"He has always harboured an... interest in dark magic."

"Yes, but only as a student of lore."

"Are you so sure? All those nights in the bone yards..." a shadow crossed Vladmir's face. "Natalya."

"My love, you cannot be serious?"

"I... I do not know," he replied, one hand toying with the hilt of his father's dagger.

Anya rose, brushing dust from herself.

"We will find no answers here. We must press on, we must find the crypt."

            ~o~

It was not, in the end, a difficult task. The trails of scuffed footprints got clearer the deeper they moved into the temple. Bodies littered the dark corridors – some skeletal, as if they had been there for hundreds of years. Others dehydrated and preserved. Most were incomplete, they realised, missing digits, limbs or even heads.

When they heard the chanting, they knew they grew close.

They emerged into a huge hall. Dusty light poured in blue shafts from a ceiling which must have reached a hundred feet high. Great stone columns rose to meet the light. Dark liquid pooled in the narrow gutter which circled the room. And there, up on a dais in the centre, illuminated by the light which focused upon his white head, was Nestor of Salassia.

He kneeled within a circle of candles, each burning with a trembling flame. He chanted in a low voice, murmuring in drab monotone. A dark robe covered him, hiding the contours of his body. From what Anya could tell, he looked desperately thin. Wraith-like. The realisation chilled her.

They climbed the steep staircase to the dais in shocked silence. Nestor did not seem to notice – though he faced them directly, his eyes wide open. They were white: milky, unseeing white. His skin was pale and dry as paper. A wispy, wild beard covered his face and chin, the manicured moustache for which he was famous a relic of the past. Dark stains – clearly blood – tarnished the obsidian base of the dais. A small gulley ran from its centre and down to the gutter, through which blood must have once flowed. Bones lay scattered amongst the candles.

"Have you returned to me, my children?" Nestor croaked in a dry, wheezy voice.

Anya rested a hand upon Vladmir's shoulder. This was not the man they had last seen two years ago, in the hanging gardens of the university which Nestor loved so well. This was not the man they had sought so long to find.

Vladmir brushed her hand away, stepping forward into the edge of the light.

"No, father," he said in a low voice. "It is your true child, your child of nature, who stands before you now."

"V-Vladmir? Can it be?" no hint of emotion crept across the old man's face.

"What has become of you?" Vladmir whispered, his voice cracked with rage. "What have you done?"

"I – I have learned so much, my boy. So much..."

"All these years.... I... what of Katarina?"

"She was a fool!" Nestor spat the word, spittle flaring up in the light. "I, I tried to save her-"

"NO!" Vladmir boomed, the syllable echoing around the chamber. "No more lies, father."

"But I was trapped-" Nestor babbled, his voice rising in terror as Vladmir drew his father's blade from his belt. "What are you doing, boy?"

"I came here to save my father," Vladmir said, stepping towards Nestor, his voice racked with emotion. "And that is what I intend to do."

He seized Nestor by the collar: the old man struggled, babbling incoherently. Vladmir raised the blade high; Anya was sure the tip trembled slightly.

"It was-" Nestor began, but was cut off by the blade plunging into his throat. A single word escaped the old man's lips, oddly clear amongst the sickening gurgles and the blood flowing across the steel in a black river.

"Katarina," Nestor said as he collapsed to the floor.

Vladmir fell with him, staring into his father's unseeing eyes. Blood pooled around the two of them, trickling from the dais and into the gutter below.
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Comments: 24

BrokenTales [2013-02-23 00:58:22 +0000 UTC]

Maybe I get the ending, maybe not - if you've written meta-fiction in which the title refers to the doubt I now have then I applaud you most heartily (and also feel slightly abused).
Part of it might be the seam of doubt running through the whole piece, which it makes it difficult for me to work out which bits to trust and which not to. (who's Natalya?)

I'll also echo the previous comment about the burial scene. It's a strong indication that something about Vladmir has changed, but at first it was Anya who put faith in the curse and its ability to bring misfortune, so I also read it with switched characters until the penultimate line.*
Perhaps Anya could address Vladmir by full name/title in a chiding manner early on in the scene?

On the whole though, very enjoyable. The characters come through well. I found the description to be vivid but restricted only to that which was necessary to set the scene or build on the atmosphere. The once-man is somewhat terrifying even before he attacks.

I'm glad I took the time to find this one.

*looking back, there's a hidden credit to your characters there, as I didn't assume it was Anya who spoke of having her heart conquered in the line before

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

monstroooo In reply to BrokenTales [2013-02-23 10:07:46 +0000 UTC]

Cheers BT! Always appreciate the insight

Doubt is a theme which runs throughout the story in many forms. There's doubt in the story, doubt in the narrative, doubt in the ending. It was never intended as meta-fiction, but it was intended to provoke suspicion and demand a second read-through.

Natalya is little more than a cryptic hint to unresolved back-story. The idea was that there had a been a suspicious incident back home, which suddenly gains new significance under the implication that Nestor may have been practicing necromancy. I'm glad you called attention to it though, it would benefit from just a little more development.

The queue in the burial scene is actually the first "My love...", which is supposed to be Anya's catch phrase. Given the amount of feedback I've had on it, though, I think I need to establish that hook a little better.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Balaria [2012-12-08 14:52:03 +0000 UTC]

I'm a sucker for all things dark and gritty and this certainly fit the bill. Vladmir and Anya were great and I actually liked them. They interacted with each other well enough to make them a duo you want to see more of. Very subtle plot accomplished with few short scenes, but still thoroughly enjoyable.

The only issue I had with reading this was the burial scene for Arthur. I'd have liked to see some pointer as to who said the first sentence in it. I actually had the characters mixed up until there was a sigh from Vladmir. Very small thing.

Thank you for a good read

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

monstroooo In reply to Balaria [2012-12-13 12:33:05 +0000 UTC]

Ah, thank you! And apologies for the late response (and my tardiness in other discussions) - I've just moved house this last week, and I'm totally disorganised. Just getting back on top of things now

I think you're right about the burial scene dialog. I recall struggling to make it clear who was speaking without dialog tags - I wanted the scene to be purely speech, for pacing and atmosphere. I've tried to use "my love" as a hint that Anya is the second speaker... but it's a bit tenuous. I will have another look at it

I've never really felt like this piece has been that well received - which is a shame, because I'm quite proud of it. I certainly don't come across much worthwhile dark fantasy, and wanted to try to provide something to fill the void. Your appraisal is very much appreciated. Thank you again!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

RiFlight [2012-06-11 03:55:19 +0000 UTC]

It took me a while to get around to reading this one. My favorite character was the "once man." He's pretty cool. I like the idea of him just standing there, then BLAM! He's got'cha!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

monstroooo In reply to RiFlight [2012-06-11 07:31:19 +0000 UTC]

Like the zombie equivalent of a venus fly trap! BLAM!

Thanks for reading

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

RiFlight In reply to monstroooo [2012-06-12 07:21:29 +0000 UTC]

"No probrem," he said in Engrish.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

simplyfeel [2012-06-07 03:17:08 +0000 UTC]

I like this. I like it a lot. Is there or will there be a series of these stories? I'm inclined to read them if there are or there will be.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

monstroooo In reply to simplyfeel [2012-06-07 11:31:40 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, and thanks for the favourite!

I'm afraid I don't have anything else planned for this world or these characters Dark fantasy is something I enjoy writing, though, so I'm sure there'll be something similar one day!

The closest thing I have in my gallery is Embers, which is a modern urban fantasy story. It's not quite as rich, ugly or violent; but it's still a dark fantasy story without any elves, wizards or whiskey

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Shiro-hana [2012-06-04 06:17:44 +0000 UTC]

that was insane!!! superb piece!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

monstroooo In reply to Shiro-hana [2012-06-04 09:17:13 +0000 UTC]

Cheers!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

0hgravity [2012-06-04 04:59:03 +0000 UTC]

a insanely vivid piece! I could see everything unfolding before my eyes. Unfortunately not my favorite genre but still I quite enjoyed reading. I wish I had understood the plot of it better but I think it is more a fault of mine than the piece.

anyway, nice, heavy characters, a well developed world in so little space, and great action and horror. It was an grimy, gruesome read.
awesome job

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

monstroooo In reply to 0hgravity [2012-06-04 09:19:49 +0000 UTC]

Funnily enough, I had two messages in the space of two hours telling me this was 'insane'!

Perhaps I should take the hint?

Anyway, thank you A grimy, gruesome read is exactly what I was going for When writing this one, I was trying to capture a feeling as much as anything else. The actual story and themes came after that

Always appreciate your feedback!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

0hgravity In reply to monstroooo [2012-06-04 18:01:50 +0000 UTC]

haha that's...insane. It was quite a crazy ride.

Well I definitely got the feeling so well done then

it's no problem!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Janoera [2012-06-03 11:50:59 +0000 UTC]

Ok, I think I get the ending. Vladmir thinks his father Nestors the source of the evil, but it was in fact Katerina that caused it and he was just trying to stop her, and she is the one that caused her own death and Nestor's condition?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

monstroooo In reply to Janoera [2012-06-03 13:38:32 +0000 UTC]

Hidden by Owner

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Janoera In reply to monstroooo [2012-06-03 14:23:40 +0000 UTC]

Oooooooh. So THAT's the point of the ending. I guess I wasn't thinking deeply enough

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

monstroooo In reply to Janoera [2012-06-03 14:53:54 +0000 UTC]

Well, it is a little obtuse

Might have to hide that last comment, in case anyone reads it before reading the story

Anyway, thank you for stopping by and reading

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

TheMoorMaiden [2012-06-02 23:38:59 +0000 UTC]

I really, really, really, really liked this. The tone you hold throughout the piece is brilliant; very dark, full of suspense, and grotesquely gorgeous in its own right. I'm not sure how I felt about Vladmir and Anya, because I'm not altogether sure I liked them, but because I didn't like them I did like them. Does that make any sense? XD You have a knack for writing real people, rather than what you think a character should be; I got the sense that the two of them are very flawed, so they fit nicely with the universe that you created.

I must admit I'm not sure if I understood the ending entirely, but that could simply be because I've only read it the once so far, so don't take my word on it being confusing or anything of the sort. All in all I think this is beautifully written; you have a real talent for the art of writing, and some of the descriptions you used were so realistic and disgusting that it made them all the more stunning. Wonderful work as always! ^__^ I'd love to see these characters again.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

monstroooo In reply to TheMoorMaiden [2012-06-03 09:23:45 +0000 UTC]

Wow, thank you so much! That's wonderful feedback to hear and I really take it to heart

Vladmir and Anya certainly aren't 'likable' characters. Vladmir's a bore; although I do hold some affection for Anya. She's quick to temper, but she has a compassionate heart. Still - you're quite right in they're both flawed; it's through the characters as much as anything else that I've tried to build the world. If the characters were much more likable, I think it would have undermined the tone I've tried to create Funnily enough I do know exactly what you mean: perhaps you like what they represent, without liking them personally?

You certainly wouldn't invite them to Christmas Dinner

My beef with the ending is that I want to reader to have one particular thought, but I don't want to spell it out. It's a conclusion I want readers to reach on their own. That's a really difficult thing to do... I don't think I've quite built it up well enough, but then I'm not sure what else to do!

Time will tell, I guess

Anyway - thank you for stopping by

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TheMoorMaiden In reply to monstroooo [2012-06-03 15:06:11 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome. Like I said, don't just take my reading to heart; it could be that everyone else who reads it understands it perfectly and I'm just being a bit dim. The piece in its entirety is stunning.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

monstroooo In reply to TheMoorMaiden [2012-06-03 15:43:17 +0000 UTC]

More likely I'm just being vague... time will tell!

Thanks again. Happy Queen day!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TheMoorMaiden In reply to monstroooo [2012-06-03 16:10:40 +0000 UTC]

Happy Queen day to you, too!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Rebeckington [2012-06-02 19:11:42 +0000 UTC]

A mentioning of mead would be quite apt, though

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monstroooo In reply to Rebeckington [2012-06-02 22:49:02 +0000 UTC]

Where would I be without mead?

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