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monstroooo — Embers - Part VII
Published: 2011-04-07 22:57:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 382; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 12
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Description She sprinted across the mud as fast as she could – heedless of the complaints of her legs and burning lungs. She got about fifty metres before her foot slipped, sending her sprawling through the mud once more. A flash of light made her turn her head. Exhausted and bruised, she watched the battle unfold behind her.

The last tendrils of another wave of flame were just dissipating around Reavan, flicking out of life without so much as a  whiff of smoke. Man and daemon circled each other, keeping well apart, their eyes locked. The daemon lashed out with an arm again, sending another lick of flame towards Reavan, who raised his rifle once more. And once more, the fire broke harmlessly around him.

The daemon roared and hurled another arc of fire, and another: wave after wave flew toward Reavan in an angry flurry. He stood before the torrent, deflecting each burning crescent with his rifle. The flames around him built up as each wave broke, encircling him until he vanished from view.

With a final flare, the daemon creased. Silence descended as the fire faded into the might.

Reavan moved again. Kate noticed that he was limping: she started to wonder how much of the fire he felt as it passed around him. The man who had looked so tall and dominating earlier suddenly looked frail and tired.

This time he walked towards the daemon, reducing the distance between them. It backed away, circling towards the bonfire. Kate wasn't sure, but it looked like the ferocity of the fire had lessened a little. She forced herself to sit up, stripping out of the filthy coat. The air was warm and the stolen coat was thick with mud.

Another wave of fire hurled itself through the air, catching Kate's gaze once more. Reavan deflected it easily and continued his slow advance. The daemon retreated further. It reared up again, the flames rising along its body, roaring at its attacker. Light flared from the creature as a huge lance of flame uncoiled from its claws. Reavan held up the rifle in defence, but the blow sent him reeling into a crouch. The flame evapourated, Faith quivering in the air, but the onslaught wasn't finished. More flame flew towards him: with each strike, he seemed to sink lower and lower to the ground. Defiantly, he thrust his rifle before him, shielding him from the worst of the flame's heat.

Somehow, he survived the assault. Kate found herself exhaling – she didn't realise she'd been holding her breath. She pulled herself to her feet and crept closer. The ground around Reavan was scorched, the mud baked almost to clay.

That bonfire's definitely getting smaller, Kate thought as she approached. She could no longer feel its heat from this distance – indeed, peering at the top of the blaze, she could just make out the pile of palettes that the fire was feeding from.

Reavan pushed himself to his feet once more. The air around him shimmered with heat. He resumed his halting march towards the daemon. The creature responded with a roar, but paced further backwards towards the heat of the bonfire. Its skin still crawled with flame – though it didn't burn quite so intently as before.

The daemon reared up – Kate could see it building for one more attack. It had been pushed right back to the bonfire's edge now – it almost stood within the flames. It scythed the air with a claw and started another onslaught. As waves of flame crashed over Reavan, he continued his approach. Each successive attack grew stronger. Kate could see the lashes of flame getting larger, brighter, hotter. Far back as she was, she could feel the air warm around her.

With a beat of its chest, the daemon gouged the air with both arms – producing an enormous fireball. Kate just had time to see Reavan crouch and slam the butt of the rifle into the ground before he was consumed by the flame. It billowed and rose around him, swallowing him in its blaze, dwarfing the dwindling bonfire as it broke. The daemon launched another, and another, and yet more waves of fire at Reavan until he was lost in the conflagration. Occasionally an opening would appear in the wall of flame: each time it revealed Reavan crouching tighter and tighter, first on one knee, then on two, then almost prone on the floor, leaning against the rifle for support.

And still it went on. Kate dropped to her knees as the daemon furiously pumped fire onto Reavan. Through a haze flame, she noticed that the bonfire was all but extinguished: a charred and smoking ruin.

It's running out of fuel, she realised.

The daemon either didn't know or didn't care – it kept up its fierce barrage, though it was slowing down significantly. Looking carefully, Kate could see the the creature panting and puffing between assaults. It was tiring. Suffocating. The ground beneath its feet was freezing, the air around it cooling. Frost and ice were forming on the wood of the pyre, the beast's breath condensing in their air before it.

With a last gasp, it threw one final, meagre arc of flame before crashing to the floor. Reavan kneeled on the ground, head bowed, leaning heavily on his rifle. The ground around him either burned, where tufts of grass remained; or was black and charred. The air still shimmered from the heat. Somewhere between him and the daemon was a small patch of mud and grass, which soon gave way to hard frost – a white circle of frozen earth with the prone daemon at its centre.

Reavan rose to his feet. With obvious effort, he resumed his walk toward the daemon. Kate followed at a safe distance behind him.

Reavan walked past the daemon with barely a glance to stand among the frozen remains of the bonfire. The creature lay on the ground, covered in a sheen of frost – its dark skin patchy with glistening frost. It breathed heavily, weakly pawing the ice beneath it. Reavan stepped into the remains of the fire, kicking various bits of detritus away.

He seemed to find what he was looking for. Placing Faith on the ground, he picked up a splinter of wood – a stake about the length of his arm. One end sparkled in the dark – it was thickly coated in frost, ice crystals covering the sharply tapering end.

With heavy steps, Reavan walked over to the daemon. It raised its head lethargically, stretching his jaws in an imitation of a roar. It was powerless as Reavan drove the splinter into its back. It quivered under the impact, digging trembling claws into the ground. Reavan pushed down on the stake with all his might, the wooden shaft sinking deeper and deeper into creature's flesh.

With a final slump, the daemon lay still. Reavan stood over it, leaning on the stake and breathing heavily.

Kate stood a short distance away, staring dumbly. She had no idea what to do.

"Are... are you alright?"

Reavan looked up, noticing her without acknowledgement and staring her in the eye. Without a word, he pushed away from the steak, turned to collect his rifle, and walked away.

"That's it?!" Kate cried, fury welling within her. "That's fucking IT?! You're just going to walk away?"

Reavan paused.

"Yeah," he said, looking over his shoulder.

"You're just going to leave that thing there? Leave me?"

"The daemon will fade soon," Reavan growled. "I need a beer," he paused, turning to face her.

"You should go home," he added, almost kindly. Then he left, limping away into the black night.

"You could have killed me!" Kate shouted to his vanishing back. She shiverered, the cold of the night making itself known to her. She looked down at the daemon. Its eyes were still open. They flicked towards Kate.

Kate backed off, suddenly terrified. As she retreated from the scene, the daemon seemed to become indistinct. She paused and watched as it faded from view – evaporating into the night like the final embers of a dying flame. After a minute, it was gone.

Kate was all alone. She hunched her shoulders close and walked away – back to the train station and, eventually, home.
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Comments: 3

DramiraSK [2011-04-09 19:22:49 +0000 UTC]

Lol, "I need a beer." love him.
I think you do amazing at describing action scenes and giving visuals.
I'm not sure if its because it took me a while to read this one since the last and the suspense wore off but it felt different. The other had felt more exciting, faster paced and intense. I may go back, re-read that and then go back here- might solve the issue.

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monstroooo In reply to DramiraSK [2011-04-09 19:29:50 +0000 UTC]

It's possible that this bit simply isn't that good.

This is one of the hardest bits of writing I've ever attempted. Partly because it's very visual (this more so than anything else in Embers - I really wanted to nail this); partly because it's essentially a very long and repetitive scene. The final battle isn't supposed to be one of wit, or strength, or magical powers. It's a battle of attrition, a battle of wills, a test of endurance. I wanted to reader to feel some of that - it's supposed to feel long and heavy and slow. That's the whole point.

It turns out that doing that while not being repetitive and still being entertaining isn't easy. In my mind, this would be even longer and more arduous. In practice, it's probably too long already. As I said in my comments - I'm not convinced.

Wow. That just sort of came out, there

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DramiraSK In reply to monstroooo [2011-04-09 19:32:55 +0000 UTC]

I think you did the visual thing really well, hun. I could see it! I do see what you mean about repetitive but that doesnt mean the scene is bad as long as it did move- I think it did. I think I understand the pacing more, about the heavy and slow! I think its just the suspense thing from waiting too long to read it- thats all.
I like it, I do. I think its a me thing, not a your writing thing. I really think itd just work immediately after the previous chapter better than waiting a few days. It is good!! I think you got the points you wanted to down.

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