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monstroooo β Hunger
Published: 2012-06-29 09:53:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 402; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 7
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Description
It wouldn't go away.It just stayed there, nestling inside, and it would - not - go - AWAY.
She buried her head between her legs, trying to squeeze the hunger away from her brain, away from the pit of her stomach, away from the trembling of her legs.
Nothing seemed to work. Nothing seemed to matter. Even when the hunger passed, even when she was able to hide or cheat or scratch or bite or scream or lie the pain away for a short while, it soon came back. It got so bad that she'd live her life in fear: each minute that the hunger passed her by was spent in desperate anticipation of its return. Even when sated, even in moments in which she couldΒ Β otherwise be content, the hunger consumed her.
She was hungry alone, she was hungry with company, she was hungry in intimate lonelinesses shared with others. She was hungry eating, she was hungry sleeping, she was hungry crying.
The wind picked up, howling in a bitter, anguished rush. She wanted to raise her head and join with it, to release a final wailing, drawn-out breath and be done with it all. But when she opened her mouth, all that came out was hunger.
So she buried her head between her legs, trying to squeeze the hunger away from her brain, away from the pit of her stomach, and away from the trembling of her legs.
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Comments: 29
Mmmhm, even though I think you achieved in your goal, I would have liked it more concrete... I mean, why the hunger?
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I can totally understand where you're coming from! Abstractness isn't always something to aspire to, and it's something which often frustrates me.
In this piece, though, I decided that I wanted it to be open; I wanted to readers to be able to add their own hunger, in whatever sense first appeals to them
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I loved the repetition. The atmosphere (I seem to talk about that a lot) was very powerful. I love psychological pieces like this, and I appreciate how you've given us insight into the narrator's mind.
Two little things... there are typos where the two mentions of 'squeze' should be 'squeeze'. Also, in the line 'Even when the [...] short while; it soon came back', the semi-colon should probably be replaced with a comma or something, since what precedes it is a subordinate clause. But as I say, those are tiny things.
And once again, I love the way you build tension.
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TWICE?!
Whoops, that's what happens when you copy/paste in a hurry!
Thank you Kitty!
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My pleasure. ^^
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You've really made the narrator crawl into the reader's mind with this one. It's frightening and desperate. I like also that you allow the imagination to take over with this one - at first I imagined she was bulimic, then a vampire or werewolf, and then the straight notion. (my imagination gets the better of me sometimes, haha.) A fantastic piece. Reminded me a little of Thinner
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Thanks! No-one else has really picked up on that - but I tried to keep it so that both the protagonist and the hunger could have been anything. It started off being a human girl, but I adapted it. I think I tried to make it match both a wolf and a human. So it's really good to hear that you had a shifting concept of who 'she' was
Will you be joining us for the next Write Off? It'll be at a fairly Brit-friendly time
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I'll definitely try, it seems a fun challange. My work hours are a bit all over the place though, so it will depend on that
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Fingers crossed, then! 
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I feel hungry just by reading the descriptions. Off I march to grab a snack
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Ah, but will the snack be enough?
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Reading this kind of makes me wish I had submitted to the write off, but oh well, great work buddy
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Thanks man! Hopefully I'll see you at the next one
Although it's not that likely as we're planning a British evening game...
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Damn my grandparents leaving Wales...
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If only they'd known the consequences!
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I'm sure they would have stayed, or at least just emigrated to England
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I like how this is both abstract and familiar. Not only is hunger, of any kind, something everyone can relate to, but the way you use language in the second line makes it much more familiar and human, too. Good work. ^__^
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Thanks! That's what I was going for - really enjoyed writing this one
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Lots of little symbolic gestures about hunger, and I like it
I think this should be used as an example (along with the latest winning pieces) in a journal for the next write-offs to show those who are new to the fun of write-offs. ^_^
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Thank you so much!
That's a good idea - I'll include a few teaser pieces in the lead up to the next event 
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you are very welcome. I hope I can make it next time too ^^
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yeah I'd have picked this one to enter as well.
The repetition works well here because whenever we're hungry (literally or figuratively)
there is that constant return to the same, nagging thoughts.
good one!
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:thumbsp: Cheers!
The funny thing is that this one just flowed, as did Late (the story of Sammy the Silhouette). Choice and Solar were both forced out - contrived words and contrived ideas. Fascinating how sometimes we just latch onto an idea and run with it. Indeed, sometimes it's harder to stop writing than to start, and those sweeping moods tend to be our best work.
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yeah I agree - it definitely felt more natural.
oh definitely: sweeping moods make the best work
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This is excellent! You really captured her desperation. My favorite line was the 3rd and last line. I like that you repeated it.
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Thank you! I hope you'll be able to join for the next game (although it'll most likely be early in the morning for you 
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No problem. Maybe I'll just have to wake up at the crack of dawn one morning to try it haha! It sounds like fun.
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Maybe sleep deprivation will inspire you!
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