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moonjava — via andeta
Published: 2005-10-12 15:12:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 62; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description steady ticking of the sprinkler
afternoon sun wet grass
mud between my toes
     it's getting colder now - the end of summer
  Under the birch trees, crushing the seed bundles and letting them loose
The neighbor whose lawn has always stayed piles of dirt and shovels
or the one on the otherside with mini palm trees, terracotta pots,
overgrown walk and miniature barking dog.
The house on the corner with screaming kids --------- [eternally] for rent.
TV blue through the crooked blinds.

     VIA ANDETA
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Comments: 5

shortidiva19 [2005-10-15 05:09:27 +0000 UTC]

simple and full of ideas-nice

i'd only suggest aligning the lines a bit...for the more dyslexic people out there.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

moonjava In reply to shortidiva19 [2005-10-17 01:15:37 +0000 UTC]

hey thanks for the intelligent comment, what do you mean by aligning the lines, or rather, which alignment are you suggesting?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

shortidiva19 In reply to moonjava [2005-10-17 03:39:38 +0000 UTC]

er, indenting. sotospeak..but great poem nonetheless..

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

moonjava In reply to shortidiva19 [2005-10-19 16:39:57 +0000 UTC]

does this help?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

shortidiva19 In reply to moonjava [2005-10-19 21:24:50 +0000 UTC]

yes

👍: 0 ⏩: 0