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Description
I've been wanting to draw something to address this for a while but until recently, I could never find the words. This is gonna get real open and real personal. I've never divulged this to anyone. Here goes.

I can't say I ever really felt very feminine at all growing up. In fact, I felt very in between the gender spectrum (that thing I didn't know existed way back when) and it made me very sad to be honest.

In grade school, I had mainly guy friends. I was into the things "girly" girls weren't into. Most girls found me weird and friendships I did make usually sputtered and died out.

As I grew older, I just felt plain awkward. I grew up very plain and I became more and more unhappy with my developing features as puberty hit. I became very insecure over my physical features as I slowly came to see societal standards of beauty, that at the time, I didn't think of as ridiculous. They just made me feel worse about myself. I felt ugly. I hated my very round face, my large chin and nose, the dark circles under my eyes from years of poor sleep, my sort of buck teeth, my unruly and curly hair, my larger than average feet... And with puberty, my expanding waistline, paunchy belly, weirdly shaped breasts, and large areolas. All the way up until this year, I hated all of it.

In high school, I started to find my place a little as I developed better friends, who helped me to feel more like me. I'm very embarrassed of who I was back then for a multitude of reasons and I'm ashamed of the people I hurt along the way, but I still had a lot of growing to do. To this day, I still do.

Around 2012 was when my depression really started reading it's ugly head. It now being four years later, I have pinpointed quite a few reasons. One of them, besides the main, glaring issue of my father's mental and emotional abuse, that I never really addressed was self image. I always denied having issues with my self image. I never did anything drastic about it, thank god, but I never realized that it did contribute to my depression.

Femininity, I have finally realized, was the thing I've been lacking, and the thing I've been needing. I know you don't need to be feminine to be a girl. You don't need to fit /any/ standard to be a girl. If you feel like a girl, you are a girl. You can be whatever you want. I've broken out of that small, close-minded box of standards, whether it be beauty or gender or whatever. I am now educated in the gender spectrum. But many people may need to meet certain personal standards to feel right and good about themselves and be confident in who they are. That's my case.

Besides growing up feeling like I didn't fit in with other girls and feeling unhappy with how my body and face looked, in 2010, I developed severe dermatitis on my breasts. I didn't get it diagnosed and cleared up until six fucking years later (had a misdiagnosis by my GP and my mom and I were both dumb and naive as shit and horribly uneducated and I ended up just living with it). During that time, I was miserable. I felt disgusting. I didn't know if it'd ever go away. I didn't think anyone would ever want me, romantically or sexually. I got up every morning and went to bed every night wishing I didn't have breasts. Literally, it ended up being the easiest thing to clear up after finally going to a fucking dermatologist. I want to hit myself for not doing it sooner but what matters now is that it's gone. It's gone and I feel SO good about my breasts now. I don't care what they look like, I've accepted it. They're part of me and I'm now happy with them, especially now after being free from the constant itching, burning, cracking, and bleeding. It shattered my previous insecurities and I felt so much more like a girl. However, that wasn't it.

I still felt ugly. I had cut my hair short the past two summers and right afterwards, it helped me feel better(I felt kind of 50s retro LOL), but when it was growing back, I was back to feeling ugly. When my hair was long enough to put up, I felt worse. I felt unhappy with my wardrobe too, as dumb as it sounds. But it's finally, FINALLY, stopped. Three weeks ago, I got my ears pierced, something I've always wanted to do but felt to scared to do. I did it and I am ecstatic. I feel SO feminine. When I put my hair up, I no longer feel ugly. I went out with my family the other night and I wore a DRESS, one that actually fit my weird body shape and I felt good in. I got compliments. I felt amazing. And I still do.

I still have some insecurities and anxieties about a few things with my body, specifically, first time couple intimacies and stuff like that, but I think for the most part?? I'm finally happy with my body. I honestly am not even upset with being overweight anymore too. It feels FANTASTIC.

COOKIES IF YOU READ ALL OF THAT. IDEK IF IT ALL MADE SENSE OR IF I FINALLY GOT TO MY POINT BUT OH WELL, IT'S 3:30 AM, WHO CARES.

TL;DR VERSIONS: FELT UGLY AND NOT FEMININE GROWING UP, HAD WEIRD BOOBS, HAD DERMATITIS ON BOOBS, CLEARED UP DERMATITIS, GOT EARS PIERCED, FEEL AMAZING WITH BODY, FEEL LIKE A GIRL.

Also, I picked Plum because I think I decided on him being genderfluid. Goes by male pronouns but feels like a girl some days.

Plum (c) Mouseleaf

Ref:
previews.123rf.com/images/oleg…

Description
I've been wanting to draw something to address this for a while but until recently, I could never find the words. This is gonna get real open and real personal. I've never divulged this to anyone. Here goes.

I can't say I ever really felt very feminine at all growing up. In fact, I felt very in between the gender spectrum (that thing I didn't know existed way back when) and it made me very sad to be honest.

In grade school, I had mainly guy friends. I was into the things "girly" girls weren't into. Most girls found me weird and friendships I did make usually sputtered and died out.

As I grew older, I just felt plain awkward. I grew up very plain and I became more and more unhappy with my developing features as puberty hit. I became very insecure over my physical features as I slowly came to see societal standards of beauty, that at the time, I didn't think of as ridiculous. They just made me feel worse about myself. I felt ugly. I hated my very round face, my large chin and nose, the dark circles under my eyes from years of poor sleep, my sort of buck teeth, my unruly and curly hair, my larger than average feet... And with puberty, my expanding waistline, paunchy belly, weirdly shaped breasts, and large areolas. All the way up until this year, I hated all of it.

In high school, I started to find my place a little as I developed better friends, who helped me to feel more like me. I'm very embarrassed of who I was back then for a multitude of reasons and I'm ashamed of the people I hurt along the way, but I still had a lot of growing to do. To this day, I still do.

Around 2012 was when my depression really started reading it's ugly head. It now being four years later, I have pinpointed quite a few reasons. One of them, besides the main, glaring issue of my father's mental and emotional abuse, that I never really addressed was self image. I always denied having issues with my self image. I never did anything drastic about it, thank god, but I never realized that it did contribute to my depression.

Femininity, I have finally realized, was the thing I've been lacking, and the thing I've been needing. I know you don't need to be feminine to be a girl. You don't need to fit /any/ standard to be a girl. If you feel like a girl, you are a girl. You can be whatever you want. I've broken out of that small, close-minded box of standards, whether it be beauty or gender or whatever. I am now educated in the gender spectrum. But many people may need to meet certain personal standards to feel right and good about themselves and be confident in who they are. That's my case.

Besides growing up feeling like I didn't fit in with other girls and feeling unhappy with how my body and face looked, in 2010, I developed severe dermatitis on my breasts. I didn't get it diagnosed and cleared up until six fucking years later (had a misdiagnosis by my GP and my mom and I were both dumb and naive as shit and horribly uneducated and I ended up just living with it). During that time, I was miserable. I felt disgusting. I didn't know if it'd ever go away. I didn't think anyone would ever want me, romantically or sexually. I got up every morning and went to bed every night wishing I didn't have breasts. Literally, it ended up being the easiest thing to clear up after finally going to a fucking dermatologist. I want to hit myself for not doing it sooner but what matters now is that it's gone. It's gone and I feel SO good about my breasts now. I don't care what they look like, I've accepted it. They're part of me and I'm now happy with them, especially now after being free from the constant itching, burning, cracking, and bleeding. It shattered my previous insecurities and I felt so much more like a girl. However, that wasn't it.

I still felt ugly. I had cut my hair short the past two summers and right afterwards, it helped me feel better(I felt kind of 50s retro LOL), but when it was growing back, I was back to feeling ugly. When my hair was long enough to put up, I felt worse. I felt unhappy with my wardrobe too, as dumb as it sounds. But it's finally, FINALLY, stopped. Three weeks ago, I got my ears pierced, something I've always wanted to do but felt to scared to do. I did it and I am ecstatic. I feel SO feminine. When I put my hair up, I no longer feel ugly. I went out with my family the other night and I wore a DRESS, one that actually fit my weird body shape and I felt good in. I got compliments. I felt amazing. And I still do.

I still have some insecurities and anxieties about a few things with my body, specifically, first time couple intimacies and stuff like that, but I think for the most part?? I'm finally happy with my body. I honestly am not even upset with being overweight anymore too. It feels FANTASTIC.

COOKIES IF YOU READ ALL OF THAT. IDEK IF IT ALL MADE SENSE OR IF I FINALLY GOT TO MY POINT BUT OH WELL, IT'S 3:30 AM, WHO CARES.

TL;DR VERSIONS: FELT UGLY AND NOT FEMININE GROWING UP, HAD WEIRD BOOBS, HAD DERMATITIS ON BOOBS, CLEARED UP DERMATITIS, GOT EARS PIERCED, FEEL AMAZING WITH BODY, FEEL LIKE A GIRL.

Also, I picked Plum because I think I decided on him being genderfluid. Goes by male pronouns but feels like a girl some days.

Plum (c) Mouseleaf

Ref:
previews.123rf.com/images/oleg…