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mouseluva — Make a Beast Out of Myself... by-nc-nd
Published: 2010-09-01 22:56:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 141; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 4
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Description The desert stretches out for miles before my eyes underneath the unforgiving sun. This flat wasteland with nothing distinctive could be any other. It almost resembles the barren expanse I imagine my heart and bleak empty mind to be. As I progress, the heat intensifies and I fall to my knees from heatstroke, searching for the oasis I've always been promised. I can't quite believe my hope is gone, and the last drops of substance to enter my body are the sand's deathless words. They settle like stones in my feet, hold me back from the afterlife that I always believed would wait.

As the sun in my desert explodes, I beg to be saved. I'm burning alive and the pain almost becomes attractive in dose after dose after dose. I'm all alone here, just me and the pain and the wasteland. My confidence deserts me and I am left grovelling on the floor. No one could save me from myself. Please leave my piteous ruin to the eyes of the angels.

After a while, I get used to the pain. I absorb it into my soul and stare back at the glare of its untiring light. I fly high on its oblivion, growing bat wings to carry me over the expanse. I'm grasping at the bottom rung of my ladder to freedom, ready to ignite the insanity that awaits. I may not live to see another day, but ceasing to care would be such a painless thing. My sanity runs along the ground behind me, clawing at my legs and cutting holes in my wings. In turn, I claw at the clouds, their untouchable freedom. I try to shake my mental chains, but I am still too much of a human to kick the hands away and spiral into a frictionless decline.

I'm getting closer to the light now, clawing my way towards it like a moth. My wings catch ablaze and my mouth is begging for help against my will. I couldn't handle the attention it would take to break my addiction. I've had too many doses and I lack the confidence to stop. I am irredeemable.

I'm sorry you're not with me now. My insanity has finally taken over and I can see again. My vision has been cleared by the blinding light of my burnt-out sun. Sanity is holding you back. Let your wings break out; become a beast. Come with me to the ruins, fly through the collapse of civilisation and watch their rubble distort before your eyes.

I've reached the sun without you. I am alone, but I am determined. I am ablaze with longing and a brand new sight. I get closer to my apocalypse and finally give up the last of my humanity. I spiral over and over into a smoking heap, never to be the same again.

Sometimes I don't know why you continue to look up towards me for the answers, even though you are too blinded to see that the death of humanity is not a bad thing. Only the insane will see me, but you tie weights to their ankles as I pass you by. You can't save me from the crimes I haven't committed, and I haven't unlocked the time machine it would take to fix the cardinal sin you accuse me of:

I made a beast out of myself.
I got rid of all the pain of being a man.

I won't save you as you burn, as the sun of your "perfect" world explodes and incinerates you. Too many doses of that and you'd find it attractive, but you don't have the confidence to survive it alone. Besides, you don't want my attention anyway.

I'm sorry you're not here. You're too sane to see me; you don't have the clarity it you think you do. If you could see me, I'd show you your world through an undistorted mirror, the kind that makes you see where you really are. You'd be like me too then. No brain could handle this much clarity and remain human. You'd grow wings and horns as I have. You're scared, but I'll take you by the hand. You can walk through supernovas with me. Beasts like me are hybrids. We should be dead. But somehow, our rareness grants us immortality.

I'm too weird to live but much to rare to die.
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Comments: 2

MarsWolfFi-Fi13 [2010-09-02 00:06:50 +0000 UTC]

This is amazing! Its so cool!! XD

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

mouseluva In reply to MarsWolfFi-Fi13 [2010-09-02 00:32:45 +0000 UTC]

Thanks (:

👍: 0 ⏩: 0