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Mrcappy — Fun Factor In Disguise
Published: 2010-12-27 04:38:55 +0000 UTC; Views: 1994; Favourites: 17; Downloads: 7
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UPDATE: Hey transfans! Do you like my Transformer humor, but can’t understand why I taint the rest of my gallery with filthy hyooman characters? I’ve opened up a NEW gallery that’s one-hundred percent robot rousings. Transformer jokes will still be uploaded to this gallery as well, so if you like my general jokes then there’s no reason to watch the other site. So if you’d like to follow along Optimus and gang thru transfunny misadventures, head on over to Cappitron!cappitron.deviantart.com
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Cappy’s Random Rant
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I listen to the radio. For you young whippersnappers, a radio is an electronic brick with twistable knobs located in a vehicle or in a museum dedicated to obsolete crap. Oh man…I just realized we live in the Jetsons-era push button society and that knobs are a thing of the past. Knobs, it was a helluva run!
KNOBS
R.I.P.
1947-2006
YOU DANCE WITH THE ANGELS NOW
Anyway. I’m too much of a cheapskate to purchase those XFINITY or SIRIUS or XM pay programs. So I’m stuck with free radio and the three mariachi stations, four Christian companion station, the classical music station, two country stations, a jazz station with the name River or Stream so they can make the pun about smooth jazz flowing into your speakers, and that one station that plays awesome songs but will dissipate if you cross county lines. If I were to throw down a rectangle with a picture of Grant on it, I could then have a channel dedicated to nothing but 80s music or a station hosted by Nick Nolte who introduces indie music which accumulates into what sounds like a nun wailing at the bottom of a dry well. But I get something that subscribers don’t get: local commercials!
Local commercials are wonderfully absurd. One commercial is for a hydroponics and smoke shop.
“Oh, you mean like a cigarette store?”
No. If they sold cigarettes, the store would be called “Cigarettes For A Reasonable Price But Are Still Expensive Due To State Taxation” or something to that effect. A smoke shop is a not-so-clever pseudonym for the weed shop with names like “JRR Toke N’s Land Of The Herb-Hits”. And the attempts by stoners to market a commercial at non-stoners and to fool the po-po fails spectacularly. “Dude, check out our SMOKIN’ selection of hydroponics equipment…so you can grow vegetables all year long!” Yes, because people buy hydroponics so that they can grow baby tomatoes and carrots in their closet. In colleges across Massachusetts, kids are listening to Bob Marley and hitting a bowl…of organic salsa from the veggies they harvested from their hydroponics equipment. I’d be flabbergasted if the cops didn’t just sit out front of the smoke shop and just nab the people who go into it.
And in time for the Christmas holiday, Raley’s had the best worst radio commercial I’ve heard in quite some time. Raley’s is a grocery chain, and their commercial involved a spokesperson randomly calling up patrons who regularly visit the store.
Rep: Hi Mary, I hear that you’re planning a big holiday dinner!
Mary: Why yes, we generally throw a dinner for family and friends. And this year, with Peter being laid off, money has…well…we’ve been struggling.
Rep: Mary, Raley’s appreciates your patronage all these years, and we want to help you out!
Mary: Oh god *sob* thank you! We can’t even pay the mortgage, and this will be a godsen—
Rep: We have a spiral cut ham that is glazed by hand, and averages out to $4.00 per person, and is available now!
Mary: Wh-what?
Rep: Doesn’t that sound delicious?
Mary: YOU CALLED ME UP TO SOLICIT ME TO BUY MORE OF YOUR OVERPRICED GARBAGE?! IF I EVER FIND YOU I WILL RIP OFF YOUR BA—
Rep: Raley’s will be YOUR little helper this year for holiday savings!
Mary: YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER WHY WOULD YOU WORD IT LIKE I WAS GONNA WIN SOMETHING PETER WAS SO EXCITED YOU INDUCED HIM INTO A DIABETIC SEIZURE PETER DON’T YOU DIE ON MEEEEE~
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Cappy’s Rockin’ Rendition
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I have had a revelation: Transformers aren’t fun anymore.
Before you click unsubscribe hear me out.
As mentioned previously, I work with children, and one of the ways I found to bond with them is to share your likes. If your like is beer pong, you may wanna go a different route. But with me, art, games, and Transformers make it so kids are excited when I show up.
And therein lies the problem.
I have scoured the stores looking for kid-friendly robots, and there are very few. Don’t get me wrong, Hasbro continues to design some awesome LOOKING toys, but can you honestly say you have FUN transforming these things? Some of these newer Transformers have like twenty-something steps to them so that I feel like I’m trying to solve the puzzle box from Hellraiser and a cenobite will be unleashed if I accidently dislodge a leg. I’ve gotten many a munchkin excited about Transformers, but during my visits I see a Cybertronian slaughterfest with gutted robot appendages strewn about the carpet.
I’ve ended up going to ebay and purchasing old school Transformers; the ones made out of lead-saturated metal and transform from ugly car to ugly robot in four steps.
But the fact is that in four steps a child actually accomplishes something.
You can try to argue with me that I could buy scout class or—heaven forbid—fast action battlers. I tell you what, FABs were the most officially bottlegged toys I have ever bought and felt like they’d crumble in my hands. I appreciate how awesome the newer Transformers look and how much stuff they can cram under the hood, but when I try getting a new generation hooked on plastic crack, I have a hard time suggesting the new brand if even I can’t figure out the steps without studying the instructions like doing so will earn me a degree in engineering.
In that sense, I think Transformers are moving away and losing sight of what made them great, kids having fun with robots. They seem more geared to older collectors by rebooting classic characters, which is nice, but the added double digit steps doesn’t capture the charm of those old toys.
Am I right, or do you have a different take on it? It’s okay to disagree with my opinion, as long as we both agree that your opinion is wrong!
-The “The Greatest Victim In All This Is Of Course Kevin’s Fashion Sense” Cappy
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Comments: 12
I see I'm not the only one who noticed this in TFs 
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My two year old nephew can figure out how to do level four transformations. I gave him Optimus Prime for his Birthday last year.
D:
Also, [link]
These are all over my walmarts down here, along with the War for Cybertron ones they're rather easy to transform.
Maybe now you need to start getting the kids into GI Joe?
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I spent all Christmas day locked in battle with RotF Optimus Prime Leader Class. I followed the badly illustrated instructions (and seriously, why can't we have written instructions like in the 80's?) but continually ran up against a problem where one piece that should have gone a certain direction according to the illustration just wouldn't for love nor money. After a while I'd cuss at it, put it aside and let my 8 year old have a go only to have to listen to his frustrated whining. Finally after our concerted efforts and the instructions we managed to get him from robot to truck.
Was it fun? Hell no. I've already threatened my boy that if I find bits everywhere, Optimus will become a "shelf job". In other words, if he mistreats Optimus, Optimus becomes part of my collection. Because, while the toys look incredible and impressive now, once you get to a certain level of transformation they are far too expensive and delicate to be considered a child's plaything. Sure, it's great for collectors, but not for kids. They want to stage epic battles with their toys. What good is that if pieces break off with one good clunk against another?
Imagine that scenario in the movies.
"One shall stand, one shall fall! .... just... don't hit me too hard Megs or you'll break me."
"You'll break!? What about me!?"
So they'd just stand there, glaring at each other and try to settle their differences by trying to prove which bot will come off worse. Fail.
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You just have to look at levels... 4 is hard, one is like... you push a button. But I have seen a few that sound simple enough... I'll look it up.
(I've had a Generations Dirge for months, I had to use a YT vid to transform him despite the fact he came with instructions and I still can't get him right).
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I can not agree with you more, the newer Transformers have pissed me off quite a bit when trying to transform them. I might have to go old school (or give up some of my old ones) for my little nephew since the newer ones are way too difficult for him.
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I love local commercials, I don't listen to the radio here but we do get them for the tv. They are so lolsy and look as old as that Elizabeth Taylor White Diamonds commercial.
On Transformers I just worried I was a bit simple since I too end up studying directions and sometimes calling in a friend or two to help out. And this is for just the $10 and $20 toys, I can't even imagine what the super giant ones are like. I like my old Tracks toy the best. I got him in the mail and figured out how to transform him without instructions in less time than it takes to get new toys out of the packaging. My Alternators Tracks never gets transformed since it is such a pain and I don't play with him much since I'm afraid something will pop off. 80s Tracks lives in my purse and goes on all sorts of adventures.
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I too have a lovely 80s Tracks with his totally-not-cartoon-accurate face. The new Reveal The Shield Tracks is another plastic nightmare with seventy steps, but he does have a cool auto-morph feature.
-The "Sadly, His Signature Fire Autobird Decal Has Been Changed For A Tribal Tramp Stamp" Cappy
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That toy makes me so sad. I got so excited but he doesn't really look that Corvette like and firebirds are 90 times more awesome than tribal.
Of course I have yet to see any of the Reveal the Shield toys in person so maybe he won't be so bad when... No. I highly doubt that.
-The "Been Waiting For A Decent Tracks Toy Other Than G1 For Years" Lylix.
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Transformers are now Lemarchand's box? Damn. Why can't they be simple nowadays?
Changing the subject, I realized that if I was going to be a Transformer, I want to be a model T by the name of Stick-shift. I don't know, being older sounds fun than being shiny and whiny.
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Or, you could be that construction equipment that fills tar into cracked roads and you could be called Bott-Hole!
-The "If I Were A Transformer, People Would Still Misread My Name And Call Me Crappitron" Cappy
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1. "Widow-Maker Class" is Glee.
2. I'm on the fence on this one. On the one hand, transforming is really complicated, and if I don't get my hands on the instructions before my kids reconfigure the toys, my chances of figuring out how to transform them are practically nil. On the other hand, my six-year-old son seems to have a preternatural gift for figuring out these things. Yes, we often have scenes of Cybertonian carnage spread over the floor. But Seth can generally gather up all those little pieces, separate them into piles, and reassemble multiple bots whose resurrection even I, the self-proclaimed incarnation of Optimus Prime Himself had given up on. So I don't know. Perhaps it's a matter of matching ability with difficulty level. But even good old G1 Mixmaster has had his mixer ripped out more times than I can count. All toys will be broken seems to be the law with children... and let's face it, often with adults too, though we tend to get a lot more bent out of shape about it when we accidentally rip off the arm of our beloved old [insert favorite transformer name here].
3. Nice to see ya back, dude. Tell your niece she's the bomb. I look forward to more of your collective shenanigans.
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