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n-g-e — Undone
Published: 2007-08-23 13:15:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 228; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 1
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Description Dear mum,
Don’t cry for me
The choices were mine to make
It was my will, not a mistake
You had a plan for me
Something I could never be
And so I did what I had done
And it all came undone

Dear dad,
Don’t cry for me
There was nothing you could do
I shut you out, there was no way through
You nurtured and cherished me
Protected, happy and free
But I did what I had done
And it all came undone

Dear friends,
Don’t cry for me
The times we shared were magical
Even if I seemed a bit hysterical
We hung out and talked for hours
Rolled around in a bed of flowers
Yet I did what I had done
And it all came undone

Dear lover,
You won’t cry for me
You will breathe a sigh of relief
Ponder our interaction so brief
You have no way of knowing
Your responsibility for the foregoing
You did what you had done
And with it I came undone
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Comments: 18

pathunknown [2007-09-04 19:25:22 +0000 UTC]

Oh, I like it. Reminds me of one of the poems I wrote.. now if only I could remember which one and where it was.. >.>

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

n-g-e In reply to pathunknown [2007-09-05 06:34:43 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, appreciated

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canticum [2007-08-26 05:27:59 +0000 UTC]

nice job, I like it!

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n-g-e In reply to canticum [2007-08-26 18:00:13 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very muchly

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

canticum In reply to n-g-e [2007-08-28 03:33:50 +0000 UTC]

muchly
oh, and welcome! welcomely? whatever

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RMRippers [2007-08-24 17:36:31 +0000 UTC]

i really like it. and i agree with Tar: one of the better poems iv read recently

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n-g-e In reply to RMRippers [2007-08-26 18:04:40 +0000 UTC]

You must've not read a lot of pomes lately then Thanks mate, glad you liked it

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Black-Roses-Fall [2007-08-24 10:21:54 +0000 UTC]

I love the parent stanzas.

Great stuff man, faved for sure

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n-g-e In reply to Black-Roses-Fall [2007-08-26 18:07:30 +0000 UTC]

Thank you...much appreciated

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Pyrox666xPheebs [2007-08-23 20:53:44 +0000 UTC]

im writing a similar poem to this.. ive been working on it for a while

love this... its really written well

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n-g-e In reply to Pyrox666xPheebs [2007-08-24 08:08:34 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, looking forward to reading it

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Tar1988 [2007-08-23 16:45:13 +0000 UTC]

Very good, one of the better poems that I've read in a while. Only one thing that I would change personally;

the last line, became instead of came, that would benefit the rythm methinks

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n-g-e In reply to Tar1988 [2007-08-23 17:27:35 +0000 UTC]

rofl! I'm sorry, I'm not rofling at your comment, it's just that line actually had been "became" in the final draft, before I changed it to came in the final version just before submitting it Became does benefit the rhythm, but the I decided to preserve "came" in all the last lines accross the stanzas So while I agree, I'll keep it for the aforementioned reason

Thanks for the thumbs up, glad you liked it

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LonelyMortal [2007-08-23 13:36:41 +0000 UTC]

sad, really.
but like it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

n-g-e In reply to LonelyMortal [2007-08-23 13:42:14 +0000 UTC]

Thanks... Yeah, I know, like I said in the comments, this was initially supposed to have been Unplugged ([link] ). Both deal with a similiar theme.

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LonelyMortal In reply to n-g-e [2007-08-23 14:46:54 +0000 UTC]

yea.
but I think this one is better.

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JezebellxNelson [2007-08-23 13:19:43 +0000 UTC]

Quite interesting. Very neat <3

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

n-g-e In reply to JezebellxNelson [2007-08-23 13:21:20 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much And thanks for the fave

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