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niceLK — MISMATCHED Is

#gaycouple #robot #scifi #shortstory
Published: 2018-05-08 15:22:27 +0000 UTC; Views: 605; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 6
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Description Here is my first short story in every language and my first story in english. It's 13 pages and around 6 600 words, so that's an easy read and you've got a bonus pic inside.

It's  SciFi, as the preview suggest, but it's centered on human relationships... On another site I described it like that:
" A business executive and his partner use a futuristic toy to settle long standing personal issues and carreer choices."

Contains some quotes from the Pixies' "all over the world" in the last part, second part's title is from a Linkin Park song and first part's is of course a Philip K Dick ripp-off.

Those two caracters will reappear in the graphic novel I'm working on.
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Comments: 6

barefootliam [2018-06-18 19:09:10 +0000 UTC]

Oops, i didn't find the story at first, only the picture!


Some really original writing here, with a lot of unusual ideas, and the dynamic between the two characters is very strongly expressed. There's a little bit of the emotionally distant grittiness of space opera in the writing style, appropriate for the setting but always a little awkward for anything romantic. But for sure i'd like to see more! For a first story in English it's definitely a triumph - i can send more detailed notes on typos etc. privately if it's useful but you've moved on and the story arc is the important part.


Betrayal and grudges and forgiveness, hmm.

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niceLK In reply to barefootliam [2018-06-19 06:45:30 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much for that comment. And yeah: the preview images can be confusing about if there's text or not...

I intendend that short story to be some kind of showcase of my little universe and reading others work in english made me wanna try. Feel free to PM me for typos and such, I set my Word on "US english" but I'm sure I missed some mistakes.

Fun and on point comment about "romantism": You and I see it in extremes and "unromantic" situations so it produces strange stories and scenes where we try to convey the hardly explainable... Leading to what others must see as very strange pieces of writting  

Short format made the psychologic element quite compressed but I usually write loong chapters about my characters' thoughts and internal turmoils. Tried to avoid that in that one because I'm the kind to write about the same fictional universe, so can afford different angles and must avoid repeating the same things over and over; the downside of coming to writing to deal with yourself first

The graphic novel/comics I started will have the same spirit and ideas, hope the visuals will help making it easier for others to step into... That's a lot more work too.

Try "work in progress/ french fukkers" when you got some time, that was my second try at transposing the spirit of my French novel and I'm still working on it... It's in my gallery on the other page, will post it here once I've reworked it a bit.

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barefootliam In reply to niceLK [2018-06-19 15:43:20 +0000 UTC]

Didn't find a work-in-progress folder in your gallery but maybe it's the other account.


It occured to me that the italic fixed-width stuff starts to appear quite late in the story; maybe it could start sooner and tie it together (if this were a rough initial draft that is).


I agree with you about writing the same thing over and over. The metal spikes are a constant theme in my own writing

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niceLK In reply to barefootliam [2018-06-19 17:03:20 +0000 UTC]

Appart from TUGs, bad boys and gang-rapes; mines are IA, entropy vs emergence at every level and individual(s) vs collective.  
Resulting in plots about corporate versus cooperative, "main" versus "alternative"...  
Maybe I go too fast from the vulgar to the phylosophical  

And yeah, the other story's on the other account, couldn't remember where I'd put it... No rush, though: I'll go back to it soon, will add illustrations, new parts and post it here.

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barefootliam In reply to niceLK [2018-06-19 18:34:28 +0000 UTC]

Thanks. i don't have any problem with mixing the vulgar and the philosophical


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MegaMovieMonday [2018-05-09 00:12:29 +0000 UTC]

That looks amazing!

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