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nicholasbledsoe — Singularity
Published: 2005-08-25 06:44:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 722; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 9
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Description
A disk of gold, dark AbyssOne time star, now Destroyed
Eye of amber fire at Night
Watching from the Void
Points of light against the Dark
Bodies of ice, of stone, of Flame
Limitless against the Night
All unique, but all the Same
Solitary stars, Alone
Unruly stars burn and Flash
Stars that leave us cold at Night
Stars to turn our worlds to Ash
Stars blazing, warm and Bright,
Gleaming from the cold of Space.
Dancing, warm in the Night,
In gravity's Embrace.
We yearn to be among the Stars,
But from the light my face is Turned.
Alone and cold in the Night,
We do not reach, we can't be Burned.
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Comments: 12
I love random searches of interesting keywords. This time it was singularity. Because of this search I got this.
And hurrah, I'm glad I got this. This is going into my faves.
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I think this was a different piece. I was reading through the critique and I thought that it made sense about the capitalization of the last words.
I'm in agreement with you, I actually like the fact that it balances out, there's a new overall sense of style added to it, something unique and very artistic.
The dream-like state, the way you wrote it, is fabulous. As for the syllables, I have plenty of poems where they are off balance, I normally do not pay attention to meter because I hate being caged in, I've only one poem that really, truly focuses in on that area.
Nice poem, I liked it.
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This one is truely beautiful!
You have such a great way of using the right words to create a splendid dream-like piece of art.
"We do not reach, we can't be Burned. " Such a powerful line. It conveys the thought of conforming leads to pain and diminishment very cleary.
Wonderful presentation of each type of star as well.
Two thumbs way up and a fav!
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I wonder why you're capitalizing the ending words in your lines, because that's completely pointless. Unless they made sense on their own, you should keep them uncapitalized. Also: your subject has been touched many times. Your meter- you know, the number of syllables in each line [that was for any uneducated readers]- is very much off in stanza one. The second stanza is random things put together. The first line of stanza three is redundant. But your rhymes are well done, at least.
And punctuate!
Good luck!
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Thanks for the critique. You pointed out some things I hadn't really paid attention to before on this poem. People's opinions on this poem seem to vary. Some people like the capitalization and punctuation in it, but its actually very different now than it was when I originally wrote it. I think the version I posted here is somewhere between the original and what it finally ended up as. The final version actually has much less punctuation, if memory serves, which was a suggestion my creative writing professor made when I had it published two years ago. My original version had punctuation flying everywhere, but I think that's because I had been working on it ever since I originally wrote it in high school.
As for the capitalization... Much of that was done for visual balance (the art portion of my brain sneaking into my writing) but many of the capitalized words have a personal significance to me. I have not discussed them before, and I probably will never work up the nerve to do so until I have forgotten why I wrote them in the first place. Without knowing the reasoning behind the lines, it is something most readers would never get, so it should drive some New Critic who reads it in the future absolutely insane (just finished ENGL. 3101 Critical Approaches, so I have lots of literary theory running through my head threatening to make it explode 
If I can, I try to keep the meter in my poetry as regular as possible, but I dislike trying to force a meter onto a poem. Whenever I tried to create perfect meter on this one, it changed how it felt when I was reading the lines aloud. Many of the lines were edited after my first draft to streamline it so it would sound better when I read it (I guess this would be the musical/operatic portion of my brain butting its way into my poetry). I actually requested several portions of the original be cut from the published version because I hated the way they sounded when I read them, even though they were mechanically correct and looked good in print.
Most of the imagery and words I used was to create a mental picture, and a flow between those images. I think my attempts at utilizing celestial images to represent various emotional states is often lost in the reading. The balance between impact of the symbolic meaning and the visual image that is crafted is a touchy one, hence "eye of amber fire" to represent a black hole (again, though, this is an image that has personal significance to me).
Anyways, I've probably rambled on enough about this poem. I think this is the most I have ever written on this poem. Thank you for taking the time for such an in-depth comment. I really appreciate it.
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Interesting use of capitalization, my one comment is that unlike the other poem you showed me, the rhymes here are much less interesting because they're all perfect rhymes (with the exception of destroyed-void). You should try changing that to make the rhymes more interesting.
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wow this is totally amazing and i love the description of everything here*favs*
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I love the descriptive qualities in this. It's really a fun piece to read and I'm not even going to postulate at what it meant: the meaning is less pertinent than the journey there in this work.
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