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Description
Gertha’s Encounter Music: youtu.be/dwGIk7wLDgY

Yeah, hey, I’m Gertha. People like to call me “legendary,” even though all I really am is “old.” I was born somewhere around 3000 B.C. in Ancient Nigelopia, and I’m still alive today. I’m literally like 5000 years old, guys. Yeah, I’m an old lady, but don’t I look good for 5000? My butt is still nice, big and smooth, and my skin is still bursting with vigor. Not a wrinkle in sight. Thank the Booty Goddess for those Nigelopian genes…

When I was younger, I used to wear pantaloons, go on adventures all over the place, and fight people with a scimitar, but nowadays I’d rather spend my time playing those new “video game” things that came out a few decades ago, or sit on people smaller than me, like that little girl Darlie who I love dearly.

Curious about my outfit? It’s an Ancient Nigelopian garb decorated in badges that I was adorned in. Kinda gaudy, honestly. But I think it’s cool so I like wearing it. The badges are sorta pretty and sparkly. They’re supposed to “honor my achievements and emphasize my attributes” or whatever. *Yaaaawnnn…* Something like that.

Look, listen, seriously. You wanna know the reason people call me legendary? It’s the stupidest thing ever. I didn’t even do anything, It’s just because of my butt. I’m not kidding. Thousands of years before you were born, a bunch of guys started a war because they wanted to decide which of them would get to bang me in my butt first, and I was annoyed, because the war was annoying. So I used my butt muscles to cause a giant cataclysmic calamity of natural disasters such as earthquakes, tornados, hurricanes and volcanic eruptions that destroyed the entire country and nearly killed all the combatants, ending the war. And then I told them to cut that shit out and stop treating me like I was royalty, because I’m really not that special. I’m just a girl, and I’m hungry. That’s all I did. See? Not even that great. *Slosh*

I’ve made a lot of friends in many different eras since I’ve been alive for so long. In the current generation, I’m close to people like Carlos the Cashier, Darlie, and her older sister Emily. I like pinching Emily’s cheeks for some reason. I hope that doesn’t sound creepy to you people or something, she doesn’t mind at all.

I’ve also got a lot of friends from the old days, way back in 1973. Oh wait, that’s not even that long ago. I meant back in 3014 B.C. and stuff like that. Of course, that’s a story for another time. I want a sandwich. And an apple. I’m gonna go make a sandwich now. Bye, lol.

Description
Gertha’s Encounter Music: youtu.be/dwGIk7wLDgY

Yeah, hey, I’m Gertha. People like to call me “legendary,” even though all I really am is “old.” I was born somewhere around 3000 B.C. in Ancient Nigelopia, and I’m still alive today. I’m literally like 5000 years old, guys. Yeah, I’m an old lady, but don’t I look good for 5000? My butt is still nice, big and smooth, and my skin is still bursting with vigor. Not a wrinkle in sight. Thank the Booty Goddess for those Nigelopian genes…

When I was younger, I used to wear pantaloons, go on adventures all over the place, and fight people with a scimitar, but nowadays I’d rather spend my time playing those new “video game” things that came out a few decades ago, or sit on people smaller than me, like that little girl Darlie who I love dearly.

Curious about my outfit? It’s an Ancient Nigelopian garb decorated in badges that I was adorned in. Kinda gaudy, honestly. But I think it’s cool so I like wearing it. The badges are sorta pretty and sparkly. They’re supposed to “honor my achievements and emphasize my attributes” or whatever. *Yaaaawnnn…* Something like that.

Look, listen, seriously. You wanna know the reason people call me legendary? It’s the stupidest thing ever. I didn’t even do anything, It’s just because of my butt. I’m not kidding. Thousands of years before you were born, a bunch of guys started a war because they wanted to decide which of them would get to bang me in my butt first, and I was annoyed, because the war was annoying. So I used my butt muscles to cause a giant cataclysmic calamity of natural disasters such as earthquakes, tornados, hurricanes and volcanic eruptions that destroyed the entire country and nearly killed all the combatants, ending the war. And then I told them to cut that shit out and stop treating me like I was royalty, because I’m really not that special. I’m just a girl, and I’m hungry. That’s all I did. See? Not even that great. *Slosh*

I’ve made a lot of friends in many different eras since I’ve been alive for so long. In the current generation, I’m close to people like Carlos the Cashier, Darlie, and her older sister Emily. I like pinching Emily’s cheeks for some reason. I hope that doesn’t sound creepy to you people or something, she doesn’t mind at all.

I’ve also got a lot of friends from the old days, way back in 1973. Oh wait, that’s not even that long ago. I meant back in 3014 B.C. and stuff like that. Of course, that’s a story for another time. I want a sandwich. And an apple. I’m gonna go make a sandwich now. Bye, lol.