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Description
I still struggle with the thoughts that linger in my mind when I'm alone
It's a push that consumes me and leads me to the emptiness
The emptiness inside my stomach somehow weighs me down
A ball and chain
It's a pull that drags me through the blackness and tells me "One more day"
"One more day without it, you can do it"
Until this suffering heart tells me, "Stop" but I don't stop
And she responds with sporadic pulses
And my suffering brain's tug-of-war
"Eat," "Don't eat," "Eat," "Don't eat," screams at me
This permanent wound that bares its scars like the concaves along my ribs

The frustration
The unbearable frustration when the scale increases
And the triumph when the scale decreases
And the thoughts of no limits; like I can go on doing this forever
I am limitless
I am unsinkable
I will not break
I am a tree, a hollow tree

The staring
The hours I spend staring at the mirror
Squeezing and sucking in my mangled body until my face would redden and the fat would disappear behind my bones

Abuse from the many times my fingers touched my esophagus
Neglect for not listening to the pangs in my aching stomach

It's my secret world
A world that I have shut out from others
A hole that I have dug myself to live inside
Sometimes my mother asks me
A mask of concern disguised as tears across her face
"What makes you do this, Kristen?"

I reply in an honest tone:
"I don't know how I got this way."

Description
I still struggle with the thoughts that linger in my mind when I'm alone
It's a push that consumes me and leads me to the emptiness
The emptiness inside my stomach somehow weighs me down
A ball and chain
It's a pull that drags me through the blackness and tells me "One more day"
"One more day without it, you can do it"
Until this suffering heart tells me, "Stop" but I don't stop
And she responds with sporadic pulses
And my suffering brain's tug-of-war
"Eat," "Don't eat," "Eat," "Don't eat," screams at me
This permanent wound that bares its scars like the concaves along my ribs

The frustration
The unbearable frustration when the scale increases
And the triumph when the scale decreases
And the thoughts of no limits; like I can go on doing this forever
I am limitless
I am unsinkable
I will not break
I am a tree, a hollow tree

The staring
The hours I spend staring at the mirror
Squeezing and sucking in my mangled body until my face would redden and the fat would disappear behind my bones

Abuse from the many times my fingers touched my esophagus
Neglect for not listening to the pangs in my aching stomach

It's my secret world
A world that I have shut out from others
A hole that I have dug myself to live inside
Sometimes my mother asks me
A mask of concern disguised as tears across her face
"What makes you do this, Kristen?"

I reply in an honest tone:
"I don't know how I got this way."