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nihilim — P Y R A M I D R O L L
Published: 2003-07-31 14:50:12 +0000 UTC; Views: 353; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 53
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Description
.pyramids roll
across lined paper,
streaking tar
like cigarette
burns,
leaving marks
that seem to say
'hate me'
.
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Comments: 13
Really nice imagery! Heh...I just realized, reading the last comment, that it is talking about writing... I'm pretty sure...
But that's a very unusual way of describing it!
I liked how the last line makes me wonder... does it say "i hate me" or "you now will hate me" or "i will you to hate me" or "it seems like you should hate me"? Or is it all? Or none?
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Thanks, I hope to always be somewhat unusual. That line means what it means to you, nothing more.
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nice metaphor for writing.
(hmm...a metaphor for writing?
perhaps language will begin eating itself again soon.)
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Haha, if I have something to do with it, it just possibly might.
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this poem makes me feel like rasputin sometime between being shot AT and actually being shot.
that is to say, somewhere between 'ambiguous' and 'powerful'.
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i have to agree with the above comment. this is far far better than the traditional adolescent crap i read.
i only wish it was longer. but the succinct-ness works very well. good job. and thank you for your comments.
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its not typical!
typical poems would be "oooh please stop eating my ice cream before i kill myself" this is cool with nice metaphors (partiularly the cigarette burns one)
i wonder how many teenagers would be writing short abstrct poetry and still remain honest to how they really feel??
at least dont criticise this as being typical please as i find it uncommon.
nice work.
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a landscape of predictable abject blackness that is a teenagers world, teenagers poems.
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i like the the visualization i get from this but it's very sad. not to say i like sadness. i just like the metaphore you see. i understand the self loathing in it and i thank you for sharing it.
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