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Dan x Reader x Phil (One Shot)

(Lime)

----Reader's POV----

“I just don't know,” I murmured to my friend, Nick, over the phone. “I can't decide my feelings yet.”

“Really?” Nick replied. “Honey, it's been 3 months since you told me that you liked Dan. And 4 since you told me that you liked Phil. I know it seems like I'm telling you to hurry up and get your facts straight, but....You need to hurry up and get your facts straight.”

He knew that's what I didn't want to hear. I shifted my position on the couch so that I was now lying flat on my back. I knew it was true though. Ever since I met the two of them, I thought they were possibly the funniest people I've met. That was just under a year ago. I then began constantly hanging out with them in their flat. I was almost always asked to be in a video, but declined every time. I'm camera shy, plus I'm not funny anyway.

I slowly started to look at Phil a different way, then, a month later, Dan. It was like I just discovered that I was straight and interested in guys, which I've known all my life. Come to think of it now, choosing one of them is really stupid. I don't even know if they like me back. Either of them. Maybe this whole conversation I've been having with my friend for the last 20 minutes has been a complete waste of time.
Then Nick said the most shocking thing I've ever heard him say,

“Hey, here's an idea. How about you have both...”

“Nick, I can't do that! I don't want to deceive them. That's just cold.”

“No! Sweetie, I mean... they'll know that you're seeing both of them...”

I still had no idea what the fuck he was blabbing about. Why would they even agree to both dating me? Who the fuck would agree to that? I questioned his proposal.

“Why the hell would they both agree to go out with me, when they know the other one is involved? I don't even know if they like me!”
I could practically hear him getting frustrated on the other end of the line. He sighed.

“AH! Are you really not getting this?!” He didn't wait for an answer. “A threesome, Y/N. A threesome. I thought it was obvious! Wow, you’re more innocent than I thought.” I sat up straight. He laughed way more than I expected. I didn’t expect it because I wasn’t innocent, at all.

And then it dawned on me, I never told him anything I did with someone, partly because I didn’t know him when I was doing those things. Nick and I have only been friends for 8 months. I knew Dan and Phil longer than I knew him. Well, I knew of him. He is my mom’s friend’s son. So I met him once or twice, but never talked to him. I actually thought he had a thing for me, as did pretty much my entire family. But then we figured out that it wasn’t me he was interested in, it was my brother. So that was that case solved.
As soon as Nick mentioned a threesome, it was as if something like a bomb exploded inside me.

I started speaking and there were slight moans in between each sentence, “YES! NICK THAT IS PERFECT! Are you fucking Jesus!?!” I stopped to think before continuing. “I have to call them. Now. Right now. I have to buy new underwear and a new bra, and then we’re going to have one of the hottest-”

“Y/N! Are you okay? Or did you just get extremely horny in these last 10 seconds? And no, I’m not banging Jesus, not that I don’t want some of his holy ass.” I laughed at that. Nick is actually pretty funny, despite all my other friends. Oh, Dan and Phil don’t count as friends; they’re much more than that now. They’re my future threesome accomplices.

I wasn’t going to deny my excitement. It had been so long since I had one. Around 9 months? 9 MONTHS?! Had it really been that long? Wow, I need to jump back on that bandwagon. And then I remembered.

“Dammit! I still don’t know if they like me! Guys are so difficult!” I said loudly, flumping back on to the couch again.

“I hope you’re not talking about me, Y/N. I’ll go all Bruce Lee on your ass. And man, does Bruce Lee have a nice ass…Just ask them. To have a threesome, that is.”

“Okay, yeah. You have such a thing for asses, by the way. But, I’ll do that. Thanks for the help….again, Nick!”

“Anything for my licorice rope. Tell me how it goes! Bye!” He always had weird nicknames for me.

-----Some time later----

Somehow I convinced them both to come over, but I told them both different things….and to come over at different times. I told Dan to come over at 20:30, sharp, and that it was just going to be him and I. Whereas I told Phil to come over at 21:00, sharp, and that Dan would be here with me….doing things….and asked him if he wanted to join… He actually said yes. Which was unexpected. I didn’t know he swung that way…better for me I guess. Oh crap, it’s 20:26, and Dan was never late when you told him to go somewhere at a certain time ‘sharp’. I hadn’t asked either of them if they liked me yet, I guess we’ll just have to find out, with Dan first.
I heard the doorbell ring and scuttled towards it. I opened it to see, not surprisingly, Dan standing there with a smile planted onto his face. I made a hand gesture signaling that he should come in. He was wearing a grey shirt with a black leather jacket and black skinny jeans. All of which would hopefully be coming off soon.
Immediately after I closed the door the behind him, I grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and slammed him against the back of the door. I smacked my lips onto his. He didn’t object. He even kissed back. He didn’t know where to put his hands, but they eventually found my hair. I eventually pulled back to actually look at him. He looked like a lost puppy, like he didn’t know what was going on. I then asked,

“Hey, Dan? Do you like me? Because I like you a whole lot.” I said that extending the ‘o’ in ‘whole’. (Heheh, I made myself laugh)

He stared at me with a blank expression and then whispered,

“Would I do this if I didn’t?” and then began kissing me again.
I started sliding off his jacket while singing “Hot in Here”. And just as I got to the chorus, Dan sang, “I am getting so hot, I wanna take my clothes off” while practically tearing his shirt off.

Then, out of nowhere, Dan made a run for my bedroom. I was dazed for a few seconds thinking ‘What the fuck just happened?’, I came back down to earth and began chasing Dan to my bedroom. I was about to take off my top when I heard a knock at the door. ‘Oh yeah, Phil is coming,’ I thought to myself. Dan, again, looked like he had no idea what was going on. I proceeded to go to answer the door.

Surprise, surprise. It was Phil. Exactly on time, as expected. I invited him to my bedroom where I told him that Dan was, shirtless. His face seemed to look a lot more interested when I said that. Before I let Phil into my bedroom I told Dan he was coming in…..to join us in our activities. He just replied with,

“I thought you said it was just going to be you and I… oh well. It’s fine with me. Makes it more interesting.” He said that last part with a grin. I let Phil in and discovered that he had already taken off his shirt and jeans.

“I thought it would be more convenient this way,” Phil stated confidently. He then essentially leaped onto the bed where he and Dan started to make out almost immediately. I kind of just stood there awkwardly for a minute or two, until Dan said to me,

“Are you not coming over here? Or are you just going to stand and stare?”
‘I’ve done weirder things,’ I thought to myself. I still crawled onto my bed nonetheless.

I took off my top and my skirt and put my arms around both their necks and we all started making out. Then, eventually, Dan and Phil kept at it with each other. And kept going, and going….and going…. Soon, Phil pulled Dan’s pants off, followed by his boxers.
And I was once again sitting on my knees watching, awkwardly.

I was like this for a further 15 minutes. Gawking uncomfortably at their love fest that was being enacted before my eyes. I decided that if I got up and started to leave the room, they’d get the message. So I did that and put my clothes on in my sitting room and sat on the couch, waiting. I waited for them to at least acknowledge my absence. But they did nothing of the sort. Instead I was left to wait on the couch until I hear bed squeaks and moans escaping from my room. I didn’t need to investigate; I knew what it was. Everyone knows what that was.
But then a thought entered my mind,

“THOSE ARE MY SHEETS!” I yelled while sprinting into my room. I found them exactly as I thought. Having sex. I had nothing against them swinging for the same team; I mean I asked them to do this. Although I did intend to be included, but that clearly wasn’t happening.

They both looked up, estranged and shocked. As if they forgot they were in my flat. They probably did forget they were in my flat. I wouldn’t be the slightest bit surprised. Phil reached for his boxers and put them on under my duvet. Dan did the same and they also put on their jeans and shirts. I could just hear the word ‘sorry’ coming from their mouths non-stop. I ushered Dan aside so I could talk to him while Phil waited in my sitting room.

“So, when you said you liked me, were you lying?” I questioned starting to feel genuinely upset about the subject. “Or what is going on?”

“I wasn’t lying, Y/N! I do like you. I guess I just found out today that I like Phil a little more.” Dan replied.
I raised an eyebrow at him, evidently not falling for it.

“Alright, a lot more.” He said, emphasizing the ‘lot’.

“Wait, so you’re telling you’re not dating…?” I questioned him once again.

“No! Well, maybe we are now…but we weren’t before this! I came over here because you said we were going to play Mario Kart!” he exclaimed.

“I suppose we still can,” I said staring at the TV in the other room through the door.
So we did. We went from having a threesome, to playing Mario Kart. And you know what, Dan and Phil still aren’t going out. I call bullshit.

The muthafucking End.
(btw I don’t ship this, at all)