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No-Reason-At-All — To Fall
Published: 2008-10-26 01:59:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 372; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 5
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Description
You have arrivedat the
precipice
You look down
and see
a river
fruit trees on the banks
You blink
The trees are dead
and a
graveyard now
stands in the
dried bed of the
river.
Every time
you blink
it changes
A park
A highway
A Forest
An Ocean
But what will be
there when you take the final step
When you jump
When you fall.
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Comments: 8
Seems to have great confusive moments within this poem, verbally it looks and sounds pretty good, I really liked how you have written some of this.
Only downfall to the poem of what I can see, is;
'A park
A highway
A Forest
An Ocean'
Its not really flowing, but still it stands out. Would be better in a different order or maybe changing the places to make it sound more flowing.
Though, I did enjoy the read.
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Thank yo for the critique, it is so hard to get good ones for poetry
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I'm a critique person by heart, I like the people whom take it into consideration.
I've viewed some of your other works, and your very much worth the
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Really thank you... 
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Nice! I love the staccato rhythm to it, it really helps to define the change.
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Nicely done, making the reader the main character in a short story or poem is difficult, the reader may not get related to it but inhere u achieved it quite well.
c ya!
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