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Published: 2008-01-30 22:00:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 14952; Favourites: 238; Downloads: 176
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The Dealers Know All-One week after the prank gone horribly wrong; Breakfast-
Sasori: "Deidara, can I talk to you alone for a minute."
Deidara: "Uh..." -Playing dumb- "Why? What ever would you need to talk to me about?"
Sasori: -Rolls eyes- "Oi." -Just grabs him and walks off-
Deidara: (Dammit.)
Sasori: "Look, are you gay, or what? 'Cause if you are, it's cool. It'll keep your secret."
Deidara: "HELL NO!"
Sasori: "Okay, okay. Just asking." -Doesn't remember anything that happened; was so shocked he went into a state of denial- "Later dude." -Just walks off-
Deidara: "...The hell?"
-Back at breakfast-
Itachi: "Hm... Something's not right around here..."
Hidan: "I know what you mean... I keep feeling like we're missing something..."
Itachi: "Damn! This is what we get for watching the 'Cops' marathon instead!"
Kisame: "Uh... Yeah... 'Cops...'" -Was watching a 'Sex & the City' marathon-
Deidara: -Sits back down and slams head down on table-
Itachi: "What the hell's wrong with you?"
Deidara: "The world."
Hidan: -Slams hands down on table- "OKAY. EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?! KAKUZU'S BEING MORE PISSY THAN USUAL, SASORI'S ACTING LIKE A FUCKING SERIAL KILLER ABOUT TO SNAP, AND YOU'RE MORE DEPRESSING THAN ITACHI'S FAGOT BROTHER! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY?!"
Deidara: "None of your damn business."
Tobi: "OH! OH! Tobi knows!"
Itachi: "How do YOU know?!"
Tobi: "Zetsu-san told me!"
Deidara: -Glare-
Zetsu: "Whoopsie. Was I not supposed to say anything?"
Tobi: "He said that Kakuzu's hearts actually do work and Deidara-senpai wants to wrestle with S-!"
Deidara: "TOBI. PANCAKES."
Tobi: -Jumps out the window-
Deidara: "PHEW..." -Goes to his room-
Itachi: "God dammit. That does it. If no one around here is gonna fess up, then we're just gonna have to do a little investigating."
Hidan: "And how are we supposed to do that?"
Itachi: "Get your baseball bats ready. We're going to Leaf Village."
-Meanwhile-
Hinata: "Lee, those shoes don't go with you at all."
Lee: "Hm... Yeah, you're right... No worries though! That's only the second pair I've tried on!" -Behind him is a mountain of shoes-
Hinata: (GOD DAMMIT WHAT WAS I THINKING?! Ugh... This is my worst plan to win Naruto yet... 'I'll hang with Lee until everyone Naruto feels so sorry for me that he swoops in and rescues me!' What the hell was I on...) "Um... Exactly how many pairs do you NEED?"
Lee: "As many as possible, silly! As many as possible."
Gai: "HI LEE!"
Lee: "HI HONEY!"
Gai: "What's my FAVORITE student up to?"
Lee: "Just doing some shopping with my new girlfriend! Hehe! Ain't that right sista?"
Hinata: "Eh-heh-heh... Right..." (IF HE CALLS ME THAT ONE MORE TIME I WILL FUCKING KILL HIM...)
Gai: "OOOH! Don't forget! 'General Hospital' comes on tonight!"
Lee: "Oh like I could EVER forget!"
Hinata: -About to throw up- (I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE...) "I THINK MY MOTHER'S CALLING, WELL, I'LL JUST BE GOING NOW, BUH-BYE!"
Lee: "AW... And she had such a good fashion sense..."
Hinata: -Outside the mall, throwing up behind a bush- "UGH... How can anyone stand to be in the same room with him for more than two minutes?!"
Sasuke: -Right behind her- "Tsk, tsk, tsk. How awful lying to Lee like that.”
Hinata: "Oh just fucking great..."
Sasuke: "You see? That's the difference between you and me. I'M honest! I've been open about my feelings for Naruto from the beginning! You just stand back stalking and lying to everyone's face."
Hinata: -Not even listening- "Did you want something?"
Shino: -Standing on the corner; dealing drugs to random people- "You two really need to give it up already..."
Hinata: "When the hell did you get here?!"
Sasuke: "What's THAT supposed to mean?"
Shino: -Sigh- "You both need to give up on Naruto. Sakura's got him wrapped around her finger."
Sasuke: "Like, WHATEVER. Nobody cares about your opinion druggie."
Shino: "I don't do the drugs. I just sell them. Really, both of you do yourselves a favor and stop obsessing over him."
Hinata: -Gasp- "How dare you! I am NOT obsessed!"
Shino: "Then what's that behind your back?"
Hinata: -Hiding a Naruto plushie behind her back- "..."
Shino: "That's what I thought."
Hinata: "Ugh. Whatever! I'm not giving up on my love!"
Sasuke: "Me either! Hmph!" -Walks off-
Hinata: "Hey... What about you?"
Shino: "What about me?"
Hinata: "Who do YOU have a crush on?"
Shino: "No one."
Hinata: -Scoffs- "Oh, yeah, right.”
Shino: "No, really. No one."
Hinata: "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"
Shino: "Despite what pairing tards say, Some of us don't HAVE to have a romantic interest."
Hinata: "FINE THEN! HAVE FUN DYING ALONE!" -Storms off-
Shino: "Oi..." -Counting money-
-Itachi, Kisame, & Hidan appear-
Itachi: "Hey bug-boy!"
Shino: "Yo?"
Hidan: "We need to make a deal."
Shino: "Drugs or information?"
Itachi: "Information."
Shino: "Damn. That's a switch for you guys. Alright-"
Kisame: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are we coming to a drug dealer for this?"
Shino: "The drugs are just a cover. I also sell information on anything."
Kisame: "...That... doesn't make a lot of sense..."
Shino: "It doesn't have to. Anyway, what do you want?"
Itachi: "We want to spy on the Akatsuki and-"
Shino: "I already spy on you guys."
Itachi: "Seriously? Damn you're a freak."
Hidan: “In that case, we just need to know what happened last week when Deidara and Kakuzu tried to prank the leader."
Shino: "Cash upfront."
Hidan: -Mumbling angrily; hands him money- (Damn. I stole that from Kakuzu...)
Itachi: "So, what's the scoop?"
Shino: -Counting money- "Deidara and Kakuzu though Pein was gonna kill them. So Kakuzu admitted he would miss the Akatsuki and Hidan was the greatest partner ever. Deidara admitted Tobi was a good boy, Zetsu was misunderstood, and he loves Sasori. And Sasori likes older women and looks at porn of Tsunade."
-All stare blankly for a moment-
Itachi: ".....Wow..."
Shino: "I have all of it recorded on DVD if you'd like a copy. For a small fee of course."
Itachi: -Hands him tons of money-
Shino: -Gives him the DVD- "Pleasure doing business with you." -Resumes counting money-
Itachi & Hidan: -Laughing evilly-
Itachi: "OH... THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD..."
Kisame: "AREN'T YOU TWO THE LEAST BIT CONCERNED ABOUT THE FACT THAT THAT BUG-BOY IS SPYING ON US 24/7?!"
Hidan: "Not in the least."
Kisame: -Blank face-
Itachi: "Back to base!"
-Back at the Akatsuki lair-
Deidara: -Packing his stuff-
Sasori: "Deidara? What are you doing?"
Deidara: "Quitting."
Sasori: "WHAT?! WHY?!"
Deidara: "Because I can."
Sasori: -Blocks the door- "NO FUCKING WAY DUDE! YOU'RE ONE OF THE FEW SANE ONES LEFT AROUND HERE! YOU ARE NOT LEAVING ME ALONG WITH THESE IDIOTS!"
Deidara: "Uh.. Yeah, I am."
Sasori: "FINE THEN! QUIT! Asshole..." -Walks off-
Deidara: "Huh. That was easy." -Starts to walk out the door-
Hidan: -Barges in and slams the door on Deidara- "EVERYONE OUT HERE YOU GUYS HAVE TO FUCKING SEE THIS!
Itachi: -Jumps on Hidan- "SHUT UP, I WANT TO TELL THEM!"
Kisame: "Can't we all just get along?"
Deidara: -Passed out behind the door and mumbling incoherently-
Kakuzu: "Oh SHIT... Don't tell me they..."
Itachi: -Puts the DVD in-
-Ten minutes later-
-Everyone, except Deidara and Kakuzu, is cracking up-
Itachi: "WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DUDE, THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"
Pein: "...Did I really say 'Here's Johnny'?"
Hidan: -About to speak-
Kakuzu: "Don't."
Hidan: "You don't even know what I was gonna say-"
Kakuzu: "Doesn't matter. Just don't."
Hidan: "Y-"
Kakuzu: "I quit." -Goes to his room and starts packing his stuff-
Deidara: -Banging head against the wall-
Kisame: -Pats Deidara on the shoulder- "There, there. If it's any consolation I, too, know what it's like to have an unrequited love..."
Deidara: "Get the HELL off of me and NEVER compare me to you..."
Kisame: -Backs away quickly-
Hidan: -Singing- "Sasori and Deidara, sitting in a tree-"
Deidara: "What are you, in fucking grade school?"
Hidan: "-K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
Kakuzu: -Carrying a bunch of suitcases- "Just ignore him. Acknowledging him only makes it worse."
Hidan: "AW... Does that little fagot want to take my shirt off?"
Itachi: "Dude, you don't wear a shirt."
Sasori: -Walks out from his room- "What's all the racket?"
Hidan: "AW... Your boyfriend's here. Why don't you give him a kiss-AGH!"
Sasori: -Choking Hidan- "I'M NOT FUCKING GAY!"
-Suigetsu and Karin fall through the ceiling-
Karin: "HI EVERYONE! WHO WANTS TO HAVE AN ORGY?!"
Deidara: -Twitch-
Suigetsu: "AW... What's wrong Mommy? You look mad."
Deidara: "I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOW SO YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME..."
Suigtesu: "Aw... Poor Mommy... You got knocked up again, didn't you?"
Deidara: -Snaps- "I. AM. NOT. YOUR. FUCKING. MOMMY! YOU FUCKING RETARD, I AM A FUCKING MAN, AND I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN WITH ANY FUCKING WOMEN SO YOU ARE NOT MY FUCKING SON. YOU ARE A MOTHERLESS BASTARD CHILD AND ARE A DISGRACE TO FUCKING LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. SO IF YOU AND YOUR FUCK-BUDDY SISTER DON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GAWD I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL UNTIL YOU BEG FOR FUCKING DEATH!"
Itachi: "WOW..."
Suigetsu: "YAY! Mommy's going to kill me!"
Deidara: -Grabs Suigetsu and Karin, disappears to Orochimaru's lair, tosses them in a jail cell, and disappears back-
Karin: "NOOOOO! NOT THIS PLACE AGAIN!"
Orochimaru: "OOOH... So you two have come back, eh? Oh we're gonna have fuuuun..."
Suigetsu and Karin: "AAAAAAGH!!! IT'S THE BOOGIE-MAN!!!" -Both hug each other and cower in fear-
-Later, at the Akatsuki lair-
Itachi: "So, Deidara, are you gay or what?"
Deidara: -Cutting his hair-
Itachi: "...Okay then..."
Tobi: "Senpai, I thought you said the only way you'd ever cut your hair is if you lost your mi- OHHH... I get it! HAHAHAHA! Senpai's just like Brittney Spears!"
Hidan: -Pushes Sasori- "Control your boyfriend, dammit!"
Sasori: -Stumbles and accidentally kisses Deidara- "ACK! BLEH!" -Coughs and spit up- "OH GOD, SORRY DEIDARA! HIDAN YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" -Chases Hidan with a hacksaw-
Deidara: -Blank face-
Pein: "Hey guys, where'd Kakuzu go?"
Itachi: "I think he quit, dude."
Pein: "What?! I thought he was joking?!"
Itachi: "Since when does Kakuzu joke?"
Sasori: -Throws Hidan's body out a window- "You know what? I quit too. I'm gonna get married to a woman and live my life-long dream." -Just disappears-
Kisame: "Huh... That was random..."
Hidan: -Just a head- "AW... He's gonna knock up some chick so he can have a family with his boy-toy."
Deidara: -Just standing there staring blankly-
TO BE CONTINUED...?
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Comments: 272
Kenyahp666 In reply to ??? [2008-01-30 22:58:55 +0000 UTC]
Because you were still quite dazed and confused.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dannyskye In reply to Kenyahp666 [2008-01-31 01:11:45 +0000 UTC]
Right. Because of the addiction to this story... -nodnod- I understand completely... not really, but that's normal!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
TheAnimeNerd In reply to ??? [2008-01-30 22:12:54 +0000 UTC]
I KNEW Kisame watched Sex and the City.
Okay, I didn't.
I think you meant to say the Boogie man, not the Boodie man
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to TheAnimeNerd [2008-01-30 22:14:48 +0000 UTC]
Oopsie-tootsy. >.> Thanks for pointing it out. XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
tiosmio90210 In reply to Novanator [2008-01-30 22:26:49 +0000 UTC]
boodie sounds like booty, and knowing orochimaru...
anything is possible
and thats funny...
hai gais look ! sasodei fanfic yaoi !
lolrofllmoalol!!1!!!1!1!!1oneone
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dreamer-lupe [2008-01-30 22:11:58 +0000 UTC]
Man! This just keeps getting funnier and funnier xD
Despite the fact that I don't like yaoi (no offense to anyone who does D:..) I LOVE these stories xD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to Dreamer-lupe [2008-01-30 22:13:28 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! XD Yeah, I hate yaoi myself, which is why I enjoy mocking it so.
👍: 0 ⏩: 3
Dreamer-lupe In reply to Novanator [2008-01-30 23:27:51 +0000 UTC]
And you do a great job xD
Please tell me, do you plan the storyline or do you make it up as you go? O:
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to Dreamer-lupe [2008-01-30 23:30:02 +0000 UTC]
We just make up crap as we go. XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dreamer-lupe In reply to Novanator [2008-01-30 23:40:11 +0000 UTC]
Hn, I'll have to try that sometime xD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
mahoudoremi In reply to Novanator [2008-01-30 22:50:28 +0000 UTC]
XP Lucky most of your friends aren't yaoi obsessed fangirls...
Its cute when its like brotherly like and stuff, but when they start kissing....It sorta gets kinda nasty..O-o
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
hana-ai509 In reply to Novanator [2008-01-30 22:33:01 +0000 UTC]
Arn't you in the SasoDei club? *confused lol*
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to hana-ai509 [2008-01-30 22:36:24 +0000 UTC]
*Le sigh* Yeah, I just joined because they're my personal favorite pairing to mock and they just ask for misconceptions...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
hana-ai509 In reply to Novanator [2008-01-30 22:39:02 +0000 UTC]
That's the reason I like it to xD MAYBE WE'RE TWINS LOST AT BIRTH? oO
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to hana-ai509 [2008-01-30 22:47:43 +0000 UTC]
IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE! O.o
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
hana-ai509 In reply to Novanator [2008-01-30 23:12:13 +0000 UTC]
And...and SOMEHOW THAT MAKES HIDAN OUR GREAT GRANDFATHER. O:
*We are commenting on a Crack Fic, no?)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
magiclover13 In reply to ??? [2008-01-30 22:08:22 +0000 UTC]
XD Pure genius. ^^ lol
Awesome job!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ontokkies [2008-01-30 22:01:34 +0000 UTC]
Lol, funny as always ^^ How can you keep up making up this stuff?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
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