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Novanator — NARUTO: OSOoC - Chapter 28
Published: 2008-01-30 22:00:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 14951; Favourites: 238; Downloads: 176
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Description The Dealers Know All

-One week after the prank gone horribly wrong; Breakfast-

Sasori: "Deidara, can I talk to you alone for a minute."

Deidara: "Uh..." -Playing dumb- "Why? What ever would you need to talk to me about?"

Sasori: -Rolls eyes- "Oi." -Just grabs him and walks off-

Deidara: (Dammit.)

Sasori: "Look, are you gay, or what? 'Cause if you are, it's cool. It'll keep your secret."

Deidara: "HELL NO!"

Sasori: "Okay, okay. Just asking." -Doesn't remember anything that happened; was so shocked he went into a state of denial- "Later dude." -Just walks off-

Deidara: "...The hell?"

-Back at breakfast-

Itachi: "Hm... Something's not right around here..."

Hidan: "I know what you mean... I keep feeling like we're missing something..."

Itachi: "Damn! This is what we get for watching the 'Cops' marathon instead!"

Kisame: "Uh... Yeah... 'Cops...'" -Was watching a 'Sex & the City' marathon-

Deidara: -Sits back down and slams head down on table-

Itachi: "What the hell's wrong with you?"

Deidara: "The world."

Hidan: -Slams hands down on table- "OKAY. EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?! KAKUZU'S BEING MORE PISSY THAN USUAL, SASORI'S ACTING LIKE A FUCKING SERIAL KILLER ABOUT TO SNAP, AND YOU'RE MORE DEPRESSING THAN ITACHI'S FAGOT BROTHER! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY?!"

Deidara: "None of your damn business."

Tobi: "OH! OH! Tobi knows!"

Itachi: "How do YOU know?!"

Tobi: "Zetsu-san told me!"

Deidara: -Glare-

Zetsu: "Whoopsie. Was I not supposed to say anything?"

Tobi: "He said that Kakuzu's hearts actually do work and Deidara-senpai wants to wrestle with S-!"

Deidara: "TOBI. PANCAKES."

Tobi: -Jumps out the window-

Deidara: "PHEW..." -Goes to his room-

Itachi: "God dammit. That does it. If no one around here is gonna fess up, then we're just gonna have to do a little investigating."

Hidan: "And how are we supposed to do that?"

Itachi: "Get your baseball bats ready. We're going to Leaf Village."

-Meanwhile-

Hinata: "Lee, those shoes don't go with you at all."

Lee: "Hm... Yeah, you're right... No worries though! That's only the second pair I've tried on!" -Behind him is a mountain of shoes-

Hinata: (GOD DAMMIT WHAT WAS I THINKING?! Ugh... This is my worst plan to win Naruto yet... 'I'll hang with Lee until everyone Naruto feels so sorry for me that he swoops in and rescues me!' What the hell was I on...) "Um... Exactly how many pairs do you NEED?"

Lee: "As many as possible, silly! As many as possible."

Gai: "HI LEE!"

Lee: "HI HONEY!"

Gai: "What's my FAVORITE student up to?"

Lee: "Just doing some shopping with my new girlfriend! Hehe! Ain't that right sista?"

Hinata: "Eh-heh-heh... Right..." (IF HE CALLS ME THAT ONE MORE TIME I WILL FUCKING KILL HIM...)

Gai: "OOOH! Don't forget! 'General Hospital' comes on tonight!"

Lee: "Oh like I could EVER forget!"

Hinata: -About to throw up- (I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE...) "I THINK MY MOTHER'S CALLING, WELL, I'LL JUST BE GOING NOW, BUH-BYE!"

Lee: "AW... And she had such a good fashion sense..."

Hinata: -Outside the mall, throwing up behind a bush- "UGH... How can anyone stand to be in the same room with him for more than two minutes?!"

Sasuke: -Right behind her- "Tsk, tsk, tsk. How awful lying to Lee like that.”

Hinata: "Oh just fucking great..."

Sasuke: "You see? That's the difference between you and me. I'M honest! I've been open about my feelings for Naruto from the beginning! You just stand back stalking and lying to everyone's face."

Hinata: -Not even listening- "Did you want something?"

Shino: -Standing on the corner; dealing drugs to random people- "You two really need to give it up already..."

Hinata: "When the hell did you get here?!"

Sasuke: "What's THAT supposed to mean?"

Shino: -Sigh- "You both need to give up on Naruto. Sakura's got him wrapped around her finger."

Sasuke: "Like, WHATEVER. Nobody cares about your opinion druggie."

Shino: "I don't do the drugs. I just sell them. Really, both of you do yourselves a favor and stop obsessing over him."

Hinata: -Gasp- "How dare you! I am NOT obsessed!"

Shino: "Then what's that behind your back?"

Hinata: -Hiding a Naruto plushie behind her back- "..."

Shino: "That's what I thought."

Hinata: "Ugh. Whatever! I'm not giving up on my love!"

Sasuke: "Me either! Hmph!" -Walks off-

Hinata: "Hey... What about you?"

Shino: "What about me?"

Hinata: "Who do YOU have a crush on?"

Shino: "No one."

Hinata: -Scoffs- "Oh, yeah, right.”

Shino: "No, really. No one."

Hinata: "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

Shino: "Despite what pairing tards say, Some of us don't HAVE to have a romantic interest."

Hinata: "FINE THEN! HAVE FUN DYING ALONE!" -Storms off-

Shino: "Oi..." -Counting money-

-Itachi, Kisame, & Hidan appear-

Itachi: "Hey bug-boy!"

Shino: "Yo?"

Hidan: "We need to make a deal."

Shino: "Drugs or information?"

Itachi: "Information."

Shino: "Damn. That's a switch for you guys. Alright-"

Kisame: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are we coming to a drug dealer for this?"

Shino: "The drugs are just a cover. I also sell information on anything."

Kisame: "...That... doesn't make a lot of sense..."

Shino: "It doesn't have to. Anyway, what do you want?"

Itachi: "We want to spy on the Akatsuki and-"

Shino: "I already spy on you guys."

Itachi: "Seriously? Damn you're a freak."

Hidan: “In that case, we just need to know what happened last week when Deidara and Kakuzu tried to prank the leader."

Shino: "Cash upfront."

Hidan: -Mumbling angrily; hands him money- (Damn. I stole that from Kakuzu...)

Itachi: "So, what's the scoop?"

Shino: -Counting money- "Deidara and Kakuzu though Pein was gonna kill them. So Kakuzu admitted he would miss the Akatsuki and Hidan was the greatest partner ever. Deidara admitted Tobi was a good boy, Zetsu was misunderstood, and he loves Sasori. And Sasori likes older women and looks at porn of Tsunade."

-All stare blankly for a moment-

Itachi: ".....Wow..."

Shino: "I have all of it recorded on DVD if you'd like a copy. For a small fee of course."

Itachi: -Hands him tons of money-

Shino: -Gives him the DVD- "Pleasure doing business with you." -Resumes counting money-

Itachi & Hidan: -Laughing evilly-

Itachi: "OH... THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD..."

Kisame: "AREN'T YOU TWO THE LEAST BIT CONCERNED ABOUT THE FACT THAT THAT BUG-BOY IS SPYING ON US 24/7?!"

Hidan: "Not in the least."

Kisame: -Blank face-

Itachi: "Back to base!"

-Back at the Akatsuki lair-

Deidara: -Packing his stuff-

Sasori: "Deidara? What are you doing?"

Deidara: "Quitting."

Sasori: "WHAT?! WHY?!"

Deidara: "Because I can."

Sasori: -Blocks the door- "NO FUCKING WAY DUDE! YOU'RE ONE OF THE FEW SANE ONES LEFT AROUND HERE! YOU ARE NOT LEAVING ME ALONG WITH THESE IDIOTS!"

Deidara: "Uh.. Yeah, I am."

Sasori: "FINE THEN! QUIT! Asshole..." -Walks off-

Deidara: "Huh. That was easy." -Starts to walk out the door-

Hidan: -Barges in and slams the door on Deidara- "EVERYONE OUT HERE YOU GUYS HAVE TO FUCKING SEE THIS!

Itachi: -Jumps on Hidan- "SHUT UP, I WANT TO TELL THEM!"

Kisame: "Can't we all just get along?"

Deidara: -Passed out behind the door and mumbling incoherently-

Kakuzu: "Oh SHIT... Don't tell me they..."

Itachi: -Puts the DVD in-

-Ten minutes later-

-Everyone, except Deidara and Kakuzu, is cracking up-

Itachi: "WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DUDE, THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"

Pein: "...Did I really say 'Here's Johnny'?"

Hidan: -About to speak-

Kakuzu: "Don't."

Hidan: "You don't even know what I was gonna say-"

Kakuzu: "Doesn't matter. Just don't."

Hidan: "Y-"

Kakuzu: "I quit." -Goes to his room and starts packing his stuff-

Deidara: -Banging head against the wall-

Kisame: -Pats Deidara on the shoulder- "There, there. If it's any consolation I, too, know what it's like to have an unrequited love..."

Deidara: "Get the HELL off of me and NEVER compare me to you..."

Kisame: -Backs away quickly-

Hidan: -Singing- "Sasori and Deidara, sitting in a tree-"

Deidara: "What are you, in fucking grade school?"

Hidan: "-K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Kakuzu: -Carrying a bunch of suitcases- "Just ignore him. Acknowledging him only makes it worse."

Hidan: "AW... Does that little fagot want to take my shirt off?"

Itachi: "Dude, you don't wear a shirt."

Sasori: -Walks out from his room- "What's all the racket?"

Hidan: "AW... Your boyfriend's here. Why don't you give him a kiss-AGH!"

Sasori: -Choking Hidan- "I'M NOT FUCKING GAY!"

-Suigetsu and Karin fall through the ceiling-

Karin: "HI EVERYONE! WHO WANTS TO HAVE AN ORGY?!"

Deidara: -Twitch-

Suigetsu: "AW... What's wrong Mommy? You look mad."

Deidara: "I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOW SO YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME..."

Suigtesu: "Aw... Poor Mommy... You got knocked up again, didn't you?"

Deidara: -Snaps- "I. AM. NOT. YOUR. FUCKING. MOMMY! YOU FUCKING RETARD, I AM A FUCKING MAN, AND I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN WITH ANY FUCKING WOMEN SO YOU ARE NOT MY FUCKING SON. YOU ARE A MOTHERLESS BASTARD CHILD AND ARE A DISGRACE TO FUCKING LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. SO IF YOU AND YOUR FUCK-BUDDY SISTER DON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GAWD I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL UNTIL YOU BEG FOR FUCKING DEATH!"

Itachi: "WOW..."

Suigetsu: "YAY! Mommy's going to kill me!"

Deidara: -Grabs Suigetsu and Karin, disappears to Orochimaru's lair, tosses them in a jail cell, and disappears back-

Karin: "NOOOOO! NOT THIS PLACE AGAIN!"

Orochimaru: "OOOH... So you two have come back, eh? Oh we're gonna have fuuuun..."

Suigetsu and Karin: "AAAAAAGH!!! IT'S THE BOOGIE-MAN!!!" -Both hug each other and cower in fear-

-Later, at the Akatsuki lair-

Itachi: "So, Deidara, are you gay or what?"

Deidara: -Cutting his hair-

Itachi: "...Okay then..."

Tobi: "Senpai, I thought you said the only way you'd ever cut your hair is if you lost your mi- OHHH... I get it! HAHAHAHA! Senpai's just like Brittney Spears!"

Hidan: -Pushes Sasori- "Control your boyfriend, dammit!"

Sasori: -Stumbles and accidentally kisses Deidara- "ACK! BLEH!" -Coughs and spit up- "OH GOD, SORRY DEIDARA! HIDAN YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" -Chases Hidan with a hacksaw-

Deidara: -Blank face-

Pein: "Hey guys, where'd Kakuzu go?"

Itachi: "I think he quit, dude."

Pein: "What?! I thought he was joking?!"

Itachi: "Since when does Kakuzu joke?"

Sasori: -Throws Hidan's body out a window- "You know what? I quit too. I'm gonna get married to a woman and live my life-long dream." -Just disappears-

Kisame: "Huh... That was random..."

Hidan: -Just a head- "AW... He's gonna knock up some chick so he can have a family with his boy-toy."

Deidara: -Just standing there staring blankly-

TO BE CONTINUED...?
Related content
Comments: 272

CJH-generations [2014-05-04 01:33:58 +0000 UTC]

All i got to say is, IF YOU DONT MAKE MOR, I WILL KILL YOU!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Lena-sama [2014-01-28 10:32:24 +0000 UTC]

This is ridiculously funny and sooo twisted! More please!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ShadowWolf57 [2013-08-17 22:36:15 +0000 UTC]

this was funnier the first time i was reading this. :/

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

LOVE-VINANDZERO [2013-06-23 13:15:54 +0000 UTC]

more plz wat happens next bitch

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ForgottenGlitch [2013-06-01 21:57:22 +0000 UTC]

Make another chapter. This stuff is fuckin hilarious!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

sunpenguin9 [2013-05-07 23:41:41 +0000 UTC]

moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Sakka16 [2013-01-23 16:23:06 +0000 UTC]

OMG you need to continue more of these, me and my bro read these and think there the best. deidara is my fav in naruto and i feel sad 4 him having to cut his hair and my bro loves Kakashi and itachi so U NEED 2 MAKE MORE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also i'm totally for naruto and hinata no matter what people say
so well done!!!!!! i love this

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

DemonCat65 [2012-12-06 08:59:06 +0000 UTC]

Please, please, pleeeeeease make more off these!!! They are so good!!! >w<

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

AkatsukiBridesmaid [2012-10-30 22:11:59 +0000 UTC]

PLEASE MAKE SOME MORE OF THESE!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

garfieldbookworm [2012-10-22 03:04:15 +0000 UTC]

I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE MAKE A COMEBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Cyntrix-GM [2012-09-13 18:11:06 +0000 UTC]

Please continue!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Yaoi-is-awesomeness [2012-08-08 00:30:03 +0000 UTC]

L.M.A.O AHAHAHAHA please do more

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Blondie-unn [2012-06-06 22:55:00 +0000 UTC]

PLEASE DO MORE OF... THIS! xD
i. am. f*cking. adiccted. T.T
couldnt stop laughing for a moment :3
and i love that you write more about Akatsuki then about Naruto and Konoha *-*
its just awesome! :]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Drizki [2012-05-08 18:50:04 +0000 UTC]

I found your series last night and read all of it in 2 hours, I couldn't stop laughing through-out it all. The way the characters act are so f*cking funny. I personally think in there series Naruto should end up with Hinata, but whatever, just an opinion. I can't wait to see if you make any more, I hope you do, but I haven't been watching for every long so I don't know how long this has been up or has been going.
I hope it's not over.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Lunawerewolfy [2012-05-04 19:15:16 +0000 UTC]

whut....? Lol, though.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

darkmangachick [2012-04-04 22:42:53 +0000 UTC]

oh my god i love this! vomit, then write more... pleeeeease?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

animeartist2364 [2012-03-14 18:40:02 +0000 UTC]

This is so randomly hilarious it's sad. If only Hinata was all psycho stalkerish in the real manga.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Moonlightring [2012-03-11 07:50:11 +0000 UTC]

YOU.UPLOAD.MORE.PLEASE??

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

kurisuchan275 [2012-02-07 00:57:38 +0000 UTC]

So f@&king hilarious no word, phrase, or comedian can make my sides hurt more than these chapters. ROFLMAO to comedy. Hope to see more chapters in the near future.
Till then thanks for the laughs Nova-kun.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Novanator In reply to kurisuchan275 [2012-02-07 04:31:38 +0000 UTC]

So glad you enjoyed it. ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Chibi1232 [2011-11-23 01:45:43 +0000 UTC]

Seeing you sumbitted this FOREVER Ago I dont think your continuing..... sad face

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Chibi1232 [2011-11-23 01:43:46 +0000 UTC]

Poor Dei-Kunnn....

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

omnimon11 [2011-10-07 11:17:02 +0000 UTC]

29...where...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SirTyler48 [2011-08-11 05:15:55 +0000 UTC]

WE MUST CONTINUE ZIS STORY, JA?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Mary-Black [2011-07-22 16:57:55 +0000 UTC]

oh gawd i've been waiting for 29 since like years ago DX

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

albyme21 [2011-03-10 03:56:35 +0000 UTC]

I have read from 1-28 and I have never laughed harder I have to say this is awesome one of my fav fanfic ever

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

Sinbad2010 In reply to albyme21 [2011-05-26 13:10:45 +0000 UTC]

agreed. same to me

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Novanator In reply to albyme21 [2011-03-10 04:54:02 +0000 UTC]

So glad you enjoyed it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Kinnaga [2011-02-25 10:07:06 +0000 UTC]

Oh my god. I just reread your entire fanfic. Oh my god. I know you're probably not going to continue it, but let me just say reading it all was like trying Zetsu's special substances for an hour straight. Kudos to you man

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Dong-Saeng [2010-11-22 02:37:42 +0000 UTC]

lawl these chapters are so hilarious XD
You should make more chapters.

--
Tobi: Tobi is a Good Boy! -sucks on a popsicle-
Deidara: ... -staring-....Tobi. Bed. Now. -drags the other to his bed and slams door-
Tobi: Tobi is a Good Boy? -isn't seen for hours-

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Xion100 [2010-11-20 05:51:33 +0000 UTC]

show more(p.s dude you cant make them quite it wont be fun if they all quite there so funny come on make them make up again be a team they dont admit it but there kinda like a family.)

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

cocoa17 [2010-10-17 13:42:22 +0000 UTC]

O...MY...GOD... That was the funnyest story I have ever read in my entire life!!!!!!!!!! You should've made more!
Oh and dude, What up with the emo/suicidal comments, the stories are great, what is upsetting you?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

corpsepulse [2010-10-12 06:54:37 +0000 UTC]

please make more chapters? ill pay you with still beating yaoi lovers hearts(kidding, or am i?)

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Lucario31697 [2010-09-30 03:44:36 +0000 UTC]

Shino a drug dealer?! That's hilarious!!! Can't wait for another chapter!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

BernadetteandSasuke [2010-06-24 10:21:53 +0000 UTC]

Neither, please write more. And here's an idea, as tobi goes out the window, make him say "WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

WitchyWolfMoons [2010-06-07 01:32:36 +0000 UTC]

Best Fan Fic I have read in months XD
Cant wait to read more =3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Random-Rebellion [2010-04-07 13:37:04 +0000 UTC]

You have to keep this up, if you need motivation go to your freezer
and eat what evers at the back of it, it has to work! and it always
does!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

naruhinaforeva [2010-01-13 03:38:13 +0000 UTC]

Hmm...I suggest vomit. It is less painful.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Otakudattebayo [2010-01-03 23:41:07 +0000 UTC]

MY GAWD ;__; Aren't you gonna make another one??????????????????? you have to! D:

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

KuRiKo07 [2009-12-31 20:25:10 +0000 UTC]

xD hahaha LOL!!

chap. 29 please!? xD i can't wait for another chapter!!! i read all 28 chapters within a day!! (oh wait, a day...? oh well, doesn't matter...)

wish that i could make a manga out from this story...'tsk..'

haha, keep up the good work!! 'thumbs up'

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Thunder-Kite [2009-09-24 12:27:01 +0000 UTC]

vomit then hang yourself then hang your vomit

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

EarthBound-healer [2009-09-03 05:21:10 +0000 UTC]

OMFG THAT AS THE FUNNYIST THNG I HAVE EVER READ ANOTHER CHAPTER PLEASE

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ssjDarkJak3 [2009-07-22 03:46:20 +0000 UTC]

i read the whole series all over again, and I must LITERALLY be the 228th person to ask, but this series is so wonderfulyou must continue it, continuing this fan fic will actually prove so good a deed, it will become your one-way ticket Heaven for filling so many people joy during one lifetime




damn I wrote a lot....




















👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Lucky-Star-X3 In reply to ssjDarkJak3 [2009-08-11 20:27:22 +0000 UTC]

I agree. This is about THE best series on this site. PLEASE you must continue!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SEAT-BELT-rage [2009-07-19 23:00:19 +0000 UTC]

i am guessing that this will never continue.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Novanator In reply to SEAT-BELT-rage [2009-07-19 23:04:43 +0000 UTC]

Not likely. Naruto's decline in quality got so bad that it was no longer even fun to parody.

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

sassukiuchiha In reply to Novanator [2009-07-20 02:56:01 +0000 UTC]

Aww but you need to continue it! This fanfic is the funniest on Deviantart!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Novanator In reply to sassukiuchiha [2009-07-20 05:32:38 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for that. But I just don't have it in me. Naruto has become more of an inconvenience then a hobby for me. We've tried to make new chapters, but none of the stuff seems as funny without the proper motivation.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

sassukiuchiha In reply to Novanator [2009-07-20 18:18:28 +0000 UTC]

Aww! That sucks though....

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SEAT-BELT-rage In reply to Novanator [2009-07-19 23:16:38 +0000 UTC]

oh god. that is way too true.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0


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