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Published: 2008-01-30 22:00:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 14951; Favourites: 238; Downloads: 176
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The Dealers Know All-One week after the prank gone horribly wrong; Breakfast-
Sasori: "Deidara, can I talk to you alone for a minute."
Deidara: "Uh..." -Playing dumb- "Why? What ever would you need to talk to me about?"
Sasori: -Rolls eyes- "Oi." -Just grabs him and walks off-
Deidara: (Dammit.)
Sasori: "Look, are you gay, or what? 'Cause if you are, it's cool. It'll keep your secret."
Deidara: "HELL NO!"
Sasori: "Okay, okay. Just asking." -Doesn't remember anything that happened; was so shocked he went into a state of denial- "Later dude." -Just walks off-
Deidara: "...The hell?"
-Back at breakfast-
Itachi: "Hm... Something's not right around here..."
Hidan: "I know what you mean... I keep feeling like we're missing something..."
Itachi: "Damn! This is what we get for watching the 'Cops' marathon instead!"
Kisame: "Uh... Yeah... 'Cops...'" -Was watching a 'Sex & the City' marathon-
Deidara: -Sits back down and slams head down on table-
Itachi: "What the hell's wrong with you?"
Deidara: "The world."
Hidan: -Slams hands down on table- "OKAY. EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?! KAKUZU'S BEING MORE PISSY THAN USUAL, SASORI'S ACTING LIKE A FUCKING SERIAL KILLER ABOUT TO SNAP, AND YOU'RE MORE DEPRESSING THAN ITACHI'S FAGOT BROTHER! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY?!"
Deidara: "None of your damn business."
Tobi: "OH! OH! Tobi knows!"
Itachi: "How do YOU know?!"
Tobi: "Zetsu-san told me!"
Deidara: -Glare-
Zetsu: "Whoopsie. Was I not supposed to say anything?"
Tobi: "He said that Kakuzu's hearts actually do work and Deidara-senpai wants to wrestle with S-!"
Deidara: "TOBI. PANCAKES."
Tobi: -Jumps out the window-
Deidara: "PHEW..." -Goes to his room-
Itachi: "God dammit. That does it. If no one around here is gonna fess up, then we're just gonna have to do a little investigating."
Hidan: "And how are we supposed to do that?"
Itachi: "Get your baseball bats ready. We're going to Leaf Village."
-Meanwhile-
Hinata: "Lee, those shoes don't go with you at all."
Lee: "Hm... Yeah, you're right... No worries though! That's only the second pair I've tried on!" -Behind him is a mountain of shoes-
Hinata: (GOD DAMMIT WHAT WAS I THINKING?! Ugh... This is my worst plan to win Naruto yet... 'I'll hang with Lee until everyone Naruto feels so sorry for me that he swoops in and rescues me!' What the hell was I on...) "Um... Exactly how many pairs do you NEED?"
Lee: "As many as possible, silly! As many as possible."
Gai: "HI LEE!"
Lee: "HI HONEY!"
Gai: "What's my FAVORITE student up to?"
Lee: "Just doing some shopping with my new girlfriend! Hehe! Ain't that right sista?"
Hinata: "Eh-heh-heh... Right..." (IF HE CALLS ME THAT ONE MORE TIME I WILL FUCKING KILL HIM...)
Gai: "OOOH! Don't forget! 'General Hospital' comes on tonight!"
Lee: "Oh like I could EVER forget!"
Hinata: -About to throw up- (I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE...) "I THINK MY MOTHER'S CALLING, WELL, I'LL JUST BE GOING NOW, BUH-BYE!"
Lee: "AW... And she had such a good fashion sense..."
Hinata: -Outside the mall, throwing up behind a bush- "UGH... How can anyone stand to be in the same room with him for more than two minutes?!"
Sasuke: -Right behind her- "Tsk, tsk, tsk. How awful lying to Lee like that.”
Hinata: "Oh just fucking great..."
Sasuke: "You see? That's the difference between you and me. I'M honest! I've been open about my feelings for Naruto from the beginning! You just stand back stalking and lying to everyone's face."
Hinata: -Not even listening- "Did you want something?"
Shino: -Standing on the corner; dealing drugs to random people- "You two really need to give it up already..."
Hinata: "When the hell did you get here?!"
Sasuke: "What's THAT supposed to mean?"
Shino: -Sigh- "You both need to give up on Naruto. Sakura's got him wrapped around her finger."
Sasuke: "Like, WHATEVER. Nobody cares about your opinion druggie."
Shino: "I don't do the drugs. I just sell them. Really, both of you do yourselves a favor and stop obsessing over him."
Hinata: -Gasp- "How dare you! I am NOT obsessed!"
Shino: "Then what's that behind your back?"
Hinata: -Hiding a Naruto plushie behind her back- "..."
Shino: "That's what I thought."
Hinata: "Ugh. Whatever! I'm not giving up on my love!"
Sasuke: "Me either! Hmph!" -Walks off-
Hinata: "Hey... What about you?"
Shino: "What about me?"
Hinata: "Who do YOU have a crush on?"
Shino: "No one."
Hinata: -Scoffs- "Oh, yeah, right.”
Shino: "No, really. No one."
Hinata: "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"
Shino: "Despite what pairing tards say, Some of us don't HAVE to have a romantic interest."
Hinata: "FINE THEN! HAVE FUN DYING ALONE!" -Storms off-
Shino: "Oi..." -Counting money-
-Itachi, Kisame, & Hidan appear-
Itachi: "Hey bug-boy!"
Shino: "Yo?"
Hidan: "We need to make a deal."
Shino: "Drugs or information?"
Itachi: "Information."
Shino: "Damn. That's a switch for you guys. Alright-"
Kisame: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are we coming to a drug dealer for this?"
Shino: "The drugs are just a cover. I also sell information on anything."
Kisame: "...That... doesn't make a lot of sense..."
Shino: "It doesn't have to. Anyway, what do you want?"
Itachi: "We want to spy on the Akatsuki and-"
Shino: "I already spy on you guys."
Itachi: "Seriously? Damn you're a freak."
Hidan: “In that case, we just need to know what happened last week when Deidara and Kakuzu tried to prank the leader."
Shino: "Cash upfront."
Hidan: -Mumbling angrily; hands him money- (Damn. I stole that from Kakuzu...)
Itachi: "So, what's the scoop?"
Shino: -Counting money- "Deidara and Kakuzu though Pein was gonna kill them. So Kakuzu admitted he would miss the Akatsuki and Hidan was the greatest partner ever. Deidara admitted Tobi was a good boy, Zetsu was misunderstood, and he loves Sasori. And Sasori likes older women and looks at porn of Tsunade."
-All stare blankly for a moment-
Itachi: ".....Wow..."
Shino: "I have all of it recorded on DVD if you'd like a copy. For a small fee of course."
Itachi: -Hands him tons of money-
Shino: -Gives him the DVD- "Pleasure doing business with you." -Resumes counting money-
Itachi & Hidan: -Laughing evilly-
Itachi: "OH... THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD..."
Kisame: "AREN'T YOU TWO THE LEAST BIT CONCERNED ABOUT THE FACT THAT THAT BUG-BOY IS SPYING ON US 24/7?!"
Hidan: "Not in the least."
Kisame: -Blank face-
Itachi: "Back to base!"
-Back at the Akatsuki lair-
Deidara: -Packing his stuff-
Sasori: "Deidara? What are you doing?"
Deidara: "Quitting."
Sasori: "WHAT?! WHY?!"
Deidara: "Because I can."
Sasori: -Blocks the door- "NO FUCKING WAY DUDE! YOU'RE ONE OF THE FEW SANE ONES LEFT AROUND HERE! YOU ARE NOT LEAVING ME ALONG WITH THESE IDIOTS!"
Deidara: "Uh.. Yeah, I am."
Sasori: "FINE THEN! QUIT! Asshole..." -Walks off-
Deidara: "Huh. That was easy." -Starts to walk out the door-
Hidan: -Barges in and slams the door on Deidara- "EVERYONE OUT HERE YOU GUYS HAVE TO FUCKING SEE THIS!
Itachi: -Jumps on Hidan- "SHUT UP, I WANT TO TELL THEM!"
Kisame: "Can't we all just get along?"
Deidara: -Passed out behind the door and mumbling incoherently-
Kakuzu: "Oh SHIT... Don't tell me they..."
Itachi: -Puts the DVD in-
-Ten minutes later-
-Everyone, except Deidara and Kakuzu, is cracking up-
Itachi: "WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DUDE, THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"
Pein: "...Did I really say 'Here's Johnny'?"
Hidan: -About to speak-
Kakuzu: "Don't."
Hidan: "You don't even know what I was gonna say-"
Kakuzu: "Doesn't matter. Just don't."
Hidan: "Y-"
Kakuzu: "I quit." -Goes to his room and starts packing his stuff-
Deidara: -Banging head against the wall-
Kisame: -Pats Deidara on the shoulder- "There, there. If it's any consolation I, too, know what it's like to have an unrequited love..."
Deidara: "Get the HELL off of me and NEVER compare me to you..."
Kisame: -Backs away quickly-
Hidan: -Singing- "Sasori and Deidara, sitting in a tree-"
Deidara: "What are you, in fucking grade school?"
Hidan: "-K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
Kakuzu: -Carrying a bunch of suitcases- "Just ignore him. Acknowledging him only makes it worse."
Hidan: "AW... Does that little fagot want to take my shirt off?"
Itachi: "Dude, you don't wear a shirt."
Sasori: -Walks out from his room- "What's all the racket?"
Hidan: "AW... Your boyfriend's here. Why don't you give him a kiss-AGH!"
Sasori: -Choking Hidan- "I'M NOT FUCKING GAY!"
-Suigetsu and Karin fall through the ceiling-
Karin: "HI EVERYONE! WHO WANTS TO HAVE AN ORGY?!"
Deidara: -Twitch-
Suigetsu: "AW... What's wrong Mommy? You look mad."
Deidara: "I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOW SO YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME..."
Suigtesu: "Aw... Poor Mommy... You got knocked up again, didn't you?"
Deidara: -Snaps- "I. AM. NOT. YOUR. FUCKING. MOMMY! YOU FUCKING RETARD, I AM A FUCKING MAN, AND I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN WITH ANY FUCKING WOMEN SO YOU ARE NOT MY FUCKING SON. YOU ARE A MOTHERLESS BASTARD CHILD AND ARE A DISGRACE TO FUCKING LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. SO IF YOU AND YOUR FUCK-BUDDY SISTER DON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GAWD I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL UNTIL YOU BEG FOR FUCKING DEATH!"
Itachi: "WOW..."
Suigetsu: "YAY! Mommy's going to kill me!"
Deidara: -Grabs Suigetsu and Karin, disappears to Orochimaru's lair, tosses them in a jail cell, and disappears back-
Karin: "NOOOOO! NOT THIS PLACE AGAIN!"
Orochimaru: "OOOH... So you two have come back, eh? Oh we're gonna have fuuuun..."
Suigetsu and Karin: "AAAAAAGH!!! IT'S THE BOOGIE-MAN!!!" -Both hug each other and cower in fear-
-Later, at the Akatsuki lair-
Itachi: "So, Deidara, are you gay or what?"
Deidara: -Cutting his hair-
Itachi: "...Okay then..."
Tobi: "Senpai, I thought you said the only way you'd ever cut your hair is if you lost your mi- OHHH... I get it! HAHAHAHA! Senpai's just like Brittney Spears!"
Hidan: -Pushes Sasori- "Control your boyfriend, dammit!"
Sasori: -Stumbles and accidentally kisses Deidara- "ACK! BLEH!" -Coughs and spit up- "OH GOD, SORRY DEIDARA! HIDAN YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" -Chases Hidan with a hacksaw-
Deidara: -Blank face-
Pein: "Hey guys, where'd Kakuzu go?"
Itachi: "I think he quit, dude."
Pein: "What?! I thought he was joking?!"
Itachi: "Since when does Kakuzu joke?"
Sasori: -Throws Hidan's body out a window- "You know what? I quit too. I'm gonna get married to a woman and live my life-long dream." -Just disappears-
Kisame: "Huh... That was random..."
Hidan: -Just a head- "AW... He's gonna knock up some chick so he can have a family with his boy-toy."
Deidara: -Just standing there staring blankly-
TO BE CONTINUED...?
Related content
Comments: 272
elemental-heiress In reply to BluVenus14 [2008-05-27 22:52:13 +0000 UTC]
I shall.Thank you from the bottom of my seemingly random laughing heart.Lol.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Aceb6 [2008-04-05 21:44:13 +0000 UTC]
make another plz plz plz make another i cant live without this shit its to damn addicting and funny
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
HuronGirl [2008-04-05 04:10:47 +0000 UTC]
leik omg u should continue this random <3333 cracks isn't enought for this wolrd XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Belle332 [2008-03-29 07:34:19 +0000 UTC]
*O* My god, you are officailly my god, I shall pray to you each time I turn on my computer.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Deidaras--Girl [2008-03-25 02:14:16 +0000 UTC]
O_O!!!! HELLO, LONG LOST SISTER!!! OMG!! UR AS CRAZY AS I AM!!! MAKING UP CRAZY, NO-SENSE-MAKING STORIES AND JUNK!!!!!! Holy crap, thats alot of screaming. heeh! Loved Deidara's little rant. Ranting = Love. Talk about LMMFAO!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Sorrowedge [2008-03-24 23:16:28 +0000 UTC]
This should be a never ending story dude!!!!
Sakura rapes Naruto!
kakashi's obsessed with pancakes!
Neji bats everyone!
Hinata is a crazy bitch!
Shino is the man!
Akatsuki = #%@^%&%$#&$!$!?!?%$$!%?#%^#$?%$%#@!$!@#%?$%!?#
HOLY CRAP MAN! WHO THE HEL gave you those freaking ideas..........
I must honestly say..... I have to shut up now cause I won't stop commenting if I don't
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Mikeylover [2008-03-24 02:53:23 +0000 UTC]
Duse you have to add more to the story It is just the funniest damn thing I've ever read!!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
celestdiggory [2008-03-10 22:27:00 +0000 UTC]
I'm dying on the inside not knowing how Deidara really feels at this exact moment.
Just dying.
Seriously. You need to STFI.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Naruto-Rasengan [2008-03-09 21:14:02 +0000 UTC]
This is great, but i think something good should happen to Hinata with Naruto, hasn't she suffered enough? Please make more this is awesome!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to Naruto-Rasengan [2008-03-10 14:42:24 +0000 UTC]
Hell no. NaruHina = Fail
More soon.
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Naruto-Rasengan In reply to Novanator [2008-04-13 12:43:46 +0000 UTC]
I don't get it, please can you have some NaruHina?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to Naruto-Rasengan [2008-04-13 16:37:30 +0000 UTC]
Hmm... Mmm.... Hmmmmmmmm... Ye-FUCK NO.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Nathalietjaaah In reply to Novanator [2008-05-18 19:48:16 +0000 UTC]
What going to happen with sasori and deidara ?
I just NEED TO KNOW!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Kida-Ookami In reply to Novanator [2008-03-28 19:44:13 +0000 UTC]
agreed. can you imagine their wedding night? O.o
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
witchcrystalchan In reply to ??? [2008-03-08 19:17:19 +0000 UTC]
Well, I've just accidentally read this. Even each chapter become even more crazier than the previous, I can't help keep reading it. I am really hoping that you will post some new chapter sooner.
Bah, I really love the part when those freaky people pops out from nowhere and turns everything upside down. Good job anyway.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
harrellgirl [2008-03-06 01:03:53 +0000 UTC]
-dies laughing- YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!!
My friend, who's never even HEARD of Naruto (Total -gasp- moment, right?) thinks this is funny as hell, too! XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
jorgibobjr [2008-02-23 20:36:04 +0000 UTC]
tobi reminds me of my little brother, hed jump out a window FOR pancake 0_o
awsome story so addicting i read everything you have up in one night.
kinda disturbing though...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
blackbunny25 [2008-02-22 00:01:58 +0000 UTC]
OMG!!!!!!!!!! i can not STOP LAUGHING!!!!!!!! i love this! the prank on the leader was the BEST 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u are gud! keep it up!!!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
naruemoskater In reply to ??? [2008-02-19 02:02:07 +0000 UTC]
I COMPLETLY UNDERSTAND THIS!!!!( all cracked up from crack fic
maybe I should hav pie
or turn into a serial killer
PANKAKES
flabagasted
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
poogle1luver In reply to ??? [2008-02-18 20:45:28 +0000 UTC]
XD This is the absolute best Naruto fanfic I have EVER read in the history of my reading Naruto fanfics.
This was SO hilarious, I loved it!
*sits and waits for the next hilarious chapter.*
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Omrifere [2008-02-16 20:45:03 +0000 UTC]
God so fucking funny. You gonna keep writing right? i especially like the repetitiveness. like in the first chapters kakashi always went "no pancake? -about to cry-" you are the master *bows but hits head on ground and passes out*
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
PiNkFoXtEmArIFAn [2008-02-14 18:24:20 +0000 UTC]
Please continue the story. Everytime it mentions something extremely funny it makes me laugh for 5 minutes straight. It took me forever to continue reading. It is the pimp kind of awezumness
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ChesCaHans [2008-02-14 09:20:52 +0000 UTC]
Nice chapter and all, but don't they still have the collars.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
dragonfire21 [2008-02-14 00:48:23 +0000 UTC]
..............................................................................wow...deidara has problems........
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
TotalInsanity [2008-02-12 03:35:24 +0000 UTC]
Oh my god...
I think I died a little from laughing.
LeeHina= Greatest crack ever. Imagine if Gai and Lee used her as a carrier XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to TotalInsanity [2008-02-12 18:08:14 +0000 UTC]
Thanks a lot. Now I just might have to do that. XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
TotalInsanity In reply to Novanator [2008-02-13 03:06:33 +0000 UTC]
This is what happens when you eat sugar, kids.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
jetsonastro2002 In reply to Novanator [2008-02-12 21:19:08 +0000 UTC]
AWESOME!!!!
I love your sig.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
chiba12 [2008-02-10 20:45:06 +0000 UTC]
omg i just realized we have a akatsuki club at school and join and wtf i took this quiz thing and ended up being sasori ._. lol but this story is so fucking funny that i literally almost died laughing
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Ignis311 [2008-02-09 23:32:02 +0000 UTC]
rofl Amazing...
I can't wait 4 the next one. U are truly a God to me.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
notanirishgiinger [2008-02-09 20:25:16 +0000 UTC]
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!!! before chapter 27 of this fanfiction, i HATED sasori/deidara coupling, NOW I FUCKIN LOVE IT!!!!!! NOVA, I FUCKING BLAME YOU AND YOUR FUCKING AWESOME FANFIC!!!!!! grrrr.....
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to notanirishgiinger [2008-02-09 20:44:30 +0000 UTC]
Sweet Jesus what have I done?!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
notanirishgiinger In reply to Novanator [2008-02-09 20:47:42 +0000 UTC]
i don't know...that's what scares me...0.0
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to notanirishgiinger [2008-02-09 20:51:15 +0000 UTC]
That'll teach me to use yaoi pairings as a joke... *Repents*
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
notanirishgiinger In reply to Novanator [2008-02-09 20:56:46 +0000 UTC]
eh...i don't get it...every time someone uses SOME sort of pairing as a joke, i end up loving that couple!! XD DX
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
hiyata951 [2008-02-08 23:51:37 +0000 UTC]
lolz! if sasori kissed me i would happy as hell(fangirl)!!!!! all though im not sure if hell is happy at all....w/e!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Cama-chan In reply to ??? [2008-02-08 03:06:24 +0000 UTC]
Wow, Kisame made me laugh SO HARD. lol. Shino's such a stalker! I don't know who I would be in that situation, him, or Hidan/Itachi. Guess it would depend on my mood....
Great chapter! I hope you keep continuing it, even if it's not as often. It still makes me laugh, and, even if I may not comment on ever chapter, I love all of it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
VampressXofxTHExNorm In reply to ??? [2008-02-08 02:58:49 +0000 UTC]
I love the TOBI. PANCAKES! i love that ... i need to teach that to my friends....>.>
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
xxxlovexhatexxx In reply to ??? [2008-02-04 14:34:49 +0000 UTC]
dont hang ur self this is hilarious
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
thegoodsamaritan In reply to ??? [2008-02-04 02:22:36 +0000 UTC]
I hate yaoi. Why the hell do you write this stuff? Although, the "TOBI. PANCAKES." thing was funny...
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Novanator In reply to thegoodsamaritan [2008-02-04 02:28:58 +0000 UTC]
Hey, I LOATHE yaoi. It's purely for comedic effect
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
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