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Published: 2008-01-30 22:00:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 14952; Favourites: 238; Downloads: 176
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The Dealers Know All-One week after the prank gone horribly wrong; Breakfast-
Sasori: "Deidara, can I talk to you alone for a minute."
Deidara: "Uh..." -Playing dumb- "Why? What ever would you need to talk to me about?"
Sasori: -Rolls eyes- "Oi." -Just grabs him and walks off-
Deidara: (Dammit.)
Sasori: "Look, are you gay, or what? 'Cause if you are, it's cool. It'll keep your secret."
Deidara: "HELL NO!"
Sasori: "Okay, okay. Just asking." -Doesn't remember anything that happened; was so shocked he went into a state of denial- "Later dude." -Just walks off-
Deidara: "...The hell?"
-Back at breakfast-
Itachi: "Hm... Something's not right around here..."
Hidan: "I know what you mean... I keep feeling like we're missing something..."
Itachi: "Damn! This is what we get for watching the 'Cops' marathon instead!"
Kisame: "Uh... Yeah... 'Cops...'" -Was watching a 'Sex & the City' marathon-
Deidara: -Sits back down and slams head down on table-
Itachi: "What the hell's wrong with you?"
Deidara: "The world."
Hidan: -Slams hands down on table- "OKAY. EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?! KAKUZU'S BEING MORE PISSY THAN USUAL, SASORI'S ACTING LIKE A FUCKING SERIAL KILLER ABOUT TO SNAP, AND YOU'RE MORE DEPRESSING THAN ITACHI'S FAGOT BROTHER! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY?!"
Deidara: "None of your damn business."
Tobi: "OH! OH! Tobi knows!"
Itachi: "How do YOU know?!"
Tobi: "Zetsu-san told me!"
Deidara: -Glare-
Zetsu: "Whoopsie. Was I not supposed to say anything?"
Tobi: "He said that Kakuzu's hearts actually do work and Deidara-senpai wants to wrestle with S-!"
Deidara: "TOBI. PANCAKES."
Tobi: -Jumps out the window-
Deidara: "PHEW..." -Goes to his room-
Itachi: "God dammit. That does it. If no one around here is gonna fess up, then we're just gonna have to do a little investigating."
Hidan: "And how are we supposed to do that?"
Itachi: "Get your baseball bats ready. We're going to Leaf Village."
-Meanwhile-
Hinata: "Lee, those shoes don't go with you at all."
Lee: "Hm... Yeah, you're right... No worries though! That's only the second pair I've tried on!" -Behind him is a mountain of shoes-
Hinata: (GOD DAMMIT WHAT WAS I THINKING?! Ugh... This is my worst plan to win Naruto yet... 'I'll hang with Lee until everyone Naruto feels so sorry for me that he swoops in and rescues me!' What the hell was I on...) "Um... Exactly how many pairs do you NEED?"
Lee: "As many as possible, silly! As many as possible."
Gai: "HI LEE!"
Lee: "HI HONEY!"
Gai: "What's my FAVORITE student up to?"
Lee: "Just doing some shopping with my new girlfriend! Hehe! Ain't that right sista?"
Hinata: "Eh-heh-heh... Right..." (IF HE CALLS ME THAT ONE MORE TIME I WILL FUCKING KILL HIM...)
Gai: "OOOH! Don't forget! 'General Hospital' comes on tonight!"
Lee: "Oh like I could EVER forget!"
Hinata: -About to throw up- (I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE...) "I THINK MY MOTHER'S CALLING, WELL, I'LL JUST BE GOING NOW, BUH-BYE!"
Lee: "AW... And she had such a good fashion sense..."
Hinata: -Outside the mall, throwing up behind a bush- "UGH... How can anyone stand to be in the same room with him for more than two minutes?!"
Sasuke: -Right behind her- "Tsk, tsk, tsk. How awful lying to Lee like that.”
Hinata: "Oh just fucking great..."
Sasuke: "You see? That's the difference between you and me. I'M honest! I've been open about my feelings for Naruto from the beginning! You just stand back stalking and lying to everyone's face."
Hinata: -Not even listening- "Did you want something?"
Shino: -Standing on the corner; dealing drugs to random people- "You two really need to give it up already..."
Hinata: "When the hell did you get here?!"
Sasuke: "What's THAT supposed to mean?"
Shino: -Sigh- "You both need to give up on Naruto. Sakura's got him wrapped around her finger."
Sasuke: "Like, WHATEVER. Nobody cares about your opinion druggie."
Shino: "I don't do the drugs. I just sell them. Really, both of you do yourselves a favor and stop obsessing over him."
Hinata: -Gasp- "How dare you! I am NOT obsessed!"
Shino: "Then what's that behind your back?"
Hinata: -Hiding a Naruto plushie behind her back- "..."
Shino: "That's what I thought."
Hinata: "Ugh. Whatever! I'm not giving up on my love!"
Sasuke: "Me either! Hmph!" -Walks off-
Hinata: "Hey... What about you?"
Shino: "What about me?"
Hinata: "Who do YOU have a crush on?"
Shino: "No one."
Hinata: -Scoffs- "Oh, yeah, right.”
Shino: "No, really. No one."
Hinata: "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"
Shino: "Despite what pairing tards say, Some of us don't HAVE to have a romantic interest."
Hinata: "FINE THEN! HAVE FUN DYING ALONE!" -Storms off-
Shino: "Oi..." -Counting money-
-Itachi, Kisame, & Hidan appear-
Itachi: "Hey bug-boy!"
Shino: "Yo?"
Hidan: "We need to make a deal."
Shino: "Drugs or information?"
Itachi: "Information."
Shino: "Damn. That's a switch for you guys. Alright-"
Kisame: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are we coming to a drug dealer for this?"
Shino: "The drugs are just a cover. I also sell information on anything."
Kisame: "...That... doesn't make a lot of sense..."
Shino: "It doesn't have to. Anyway, what do you want?"
Itachi: "We want to spy on the Akatsuki and-"
Shino: "I already spy on you guys."
Itachi: "Seriously? Damn you're a freak."
Hidan: “In that case, we just need to know what happened last week when Deidara and Kakuzu tried to prank the leader."
Shino: "Cash upfront."
Hidan: -Mumbling angrily; hands him money- (Damn. I stole that from Kakuzu...)
Itachi: "So, what's the scoop?"
Shino: -Counting money- "Deidara and Kakuzu though Pein was gonna kill them. So Kakuzu admitted he would miss the Akatsuki and Hidan was the greatest partner ever. Deidara admitted Tobi was a good boy, Zetsu was misunderstood, and he loves Sasori. And Sasori likes older women and looks at porn of Tsunade."
-All stare blankly for a moment-
Itachi: ".....Wow..."
Shino: "I have all of it recorded on DVD if you'd like a copy. For a small fee of course."
Itachi: -Hands him tons of money-
Shino: -Gives him the DVD- "Pleasure doing business with you." -Resumes counting money-
Itachi & Hidan: -Laughing evilly-
Itachi: "OH... THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD..."
Kisame: "AREN'T YOU TWO THE LEAST BIT CONCERNED ABOUT THE FACT THAT THAT BUG-BOY IS SPYING ON US 24/7?!"
Hidan: "Not in the least."
Kisame: -Blank face-
Itachi: "Back to base!"
-Back at the Akatsuki lair-
Deidara: -Packing his stuff-
Sasori: "Deidara? What are you doing?"
Deidara: "Quitting."
Sasori: "WHAT?! WHY?!"
Deidara: "Because I can."
Sasori: -Blocks the door- "NO FUCKING WAY DUDE! YOU'RE ONE OF THE FEW SANE ONES LEFT AROUND HERE! YOU ARE NOT LEAVING ME ALONG WITH THESE IDIOTS!"
Deidara: "Uh.. Yeah, I am."
Sasori: "FINE THEN! QUIT! Asshole..." -Walks off-
Deidara: "Huh. That was easy." -Starts to walk out the door-
Hidan: -Barges in and slams the door on Deidara- "EVERYONE OUT HERE YOU GUYS HAVE TO FUCKING SEE THIS!
Itachi: -Jumps on Hidan- "SHUT UP, I WANT TO TELL THEM!"
Kisame: "Can't we all just get along?"
Deidara: -Passed out behind the door and mumbling incoherently-
Kakuzu: "Oh SHIT... Don't tell me they..."
Itachi: -Puts the DVD in-
-Ten minutes later-
-Everyone, except Deidara and Kakuzu, is cracking up-
Itachi: "WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DUDE, THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"
Pein: "...Did I really say 'Here's Johnny'?"
Hidan: -About to speak-
Kakuzu: "Don't."
Hidan: "You don't even know what I was gonna say-"
Kakuzu: "Doesn't matter. Just don't."
Hidan: "Y-"
Kakuzu: "I quit." -Goes to his room and starts packing his stuff-
Deidara: -Banging head against the wall-
Kisame: -Pats Deidara on the shoulder- "There, there. If it's any consolation I, too, know what it's like to have an unrequited love..."
Deidara: "Get the HELL off of me and NEVER compare me to you..."
Kisame: -Backs away quickly-
Hidan: -Singing- "Sasori and Deidara, sitting in a tree-"
Deidara: "What are you, in fucking grade school?"
Hidan: "-K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
Kakuzu: -Carrying a bunch of suitcases- "Just ignore him. Acknowledging him only makes it worse."
Hidan: "AW... Does that little fagot want to take my shirt off?"
Itachi: "Dude, you don't wear a shirt."
Sasori: -Walks out from his room- "What's all the racket?"
Hidan: "AW... Your boyfriend's here. Why don't you give him a kiss-AGH!"
Sasori: -Choking Hidan- "I'M NOT FUCKING GAY!"
-Suigetsu and Karin fall through the ceiling-
Karin: "HI EVERYONE! WHO WANTS TO HAVE AN ORGY?!"
Deidara: -Twitch-
Suigetsu: "AW... What's wrong Mommy? You look mad."
Deidara: "I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOW SO YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME..."
Suigtesu: "Aw... Poor Mommy... You got knocked up again, didn't you?"
Deidara: -Snaps- "I. AM. NOT. YOUR. FUCKING. MOMMY! YOU FUCKING RETARD, I AM A FUCKING MAN, AND I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN WITH ANY FUCKING WOMEN SO YOU ARE NOT MY FUCKING SON. YOU ARE A MOTHERLESS BASTARD CHILD AND ARE A DISGRACE TO FUCKING LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. SO IF YOU AND YOUR FUCK-BUDDY SISTER DON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GAWD I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL UNTIL YOU BEG FOR FUCKING DEATH!"
Itachi: "WOW..."
Suigetsu: "YAY! Mommy's going to kill me!"
Deidara: -Grabs Suigetsu and Karin, disappears to Orochimaru's lair, tosses them in a jail cell, and disappears back-
Karin: "NOOOOO! NOT THIS PLACE AGAIN!"
Orochimaru: "OOOH... So you two have come back, eh? Oh we're gonna have fuuuun..."
Suigetsu and Karin: "AAAAAAGH!!! IT'S THE BOOGIE-MAN!!!" -Both hug each other and cower in fear-
-Later, at the Akatsuki lair-
Itachi: "So, Deidara, are you gay or what?"
Deidara: -Cutting his hair-
Itachi: "...Okay then..."
Tobi: "Senpai, I thought you said the only way you'd ever cut your hair is if you lost your mi- OHHH... I get it! HAHAHAHA! Senpai's just like Brittney Spears!"
Hidan: -Pushes Sasori- "Control your boyfriend, dammit!"
Sasori: -Stumbles and accidentally kisses Deidara- "ACK! BLEH!" -Coughs and spit up- "OH GOD, SORRY DEIDARA! HIDAN YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" -Chases Hidan with a hacksaw-
Deidara: -Blank face-
Pein: "Hey guys, where'd Kakuzu go?"
Itachi: "I think he quit, dude."
Pein: "What?! I thought he was joking?!"
Itachi: "Since when does Kakuzu joke?"
Sasori: -Throws Hidan's body out a window- "You know what? I quit too. I'm gonna get married to a woman and live my life-long dream." -Just disappears-
Kisame: "Huh... That was random..."
Hidan: -Just a head- "AW... He's gonna knock up some chick so he can have a family with his boy-toy."
Deidara: -Just standing there staring blankly-
TO BE CONTINUED...?
Related content
Comments: 272
Wolfgang-xx [2009-06-20 11:14:56 +0000 UTC]
oh em eff gee!!!! that is AWESOME and i thought deidara was a girllll............*hugs deidara* im sowwy! ha sasukes honest..? riiiigggghhhttt.....no. BTW AWESOME LOLOLOLOLOL i died coz i loled to much! hehehehehehehe
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
SweetMotherOfPie [2009-04-27 10:24:33 +0000 UTC]
can u write more plz?
..or just come to a conclusion?? you are a genius!! LOVE THIS STORY XDD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Alexis-BlackRose [2009-04-05 23:30:03 +0000 UTC]
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww this is one of mai fav parings
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
RamenLife [2009-04-03 00:58:10 +0000 UTC]
make more plzzzzzzzz................ c'mon they're really funny.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ZackTheBloody [2009-03-13 15:35:26 +0000 UTC]
To bad you stopped this was hysterical! simply and truly hysterical
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ThatOneMasterOfGames [2009-02-19 01:07:50 +0000 UTC]
I'm back..(said in a sing-song voice) But.. You already know that, don't you?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Canard-Pars [2009-02-07 05:06:23 +0000 UTC]
i think if we ever random paired up the world would become peaceful but all people like bush would meet living hell and ophra would rock back and forth happythoughts.lol
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Meepthecatdemon [2009-01-26 05:04:23 +0000 UTC]
awesome purely great... w can u come up with thi stuff... it's insane
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
SoundFivesupporter [2009-01-18 04:44:41 +0000 UTC]
XDDDDDDD
*realizes that this was the last to read*
O_O NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
You need to make more
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
corncaptin886 [2009-01-02 03:56:11 +0000 UTC]
man, this suff is so funny, think you can have Gorge W. Bush join the Akatsuki? And by the way, where'd zabuza go?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
kusoumi23 [2008-12-29 05:08:50 +0000 UTC]
i really like your naruto stories you wright and i was wondering if i could take your story and my version of your story and put it in manga form (like a comic)... please ... ^_^ -sweat drop- i think it would turn out pretty well....so or-i-got-to (thank you ) in Japanese....
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
TwistedFireRose [2008-12-26 20:59:45 +0000 UTC]
LOVE IT, but why'd Deidara cut off his pretty hair...I like his hair...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
St3fani3 [2008-11-30 10:39:21 +0000 UTC]
i love ur fanfic i can't wait for the next chaps please continue it's hilarious gr8 work
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
boy-anime [2008-11-10 07:03:07 +0000 UTC]
hey did you guys make episode 29 onwards. this is by far one of the bestest comics i have ever read. you guys should continue. i cant wait for 29 onwards. great job you guys.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
My-One-And-Only [2008-10-21 05:52:27 +0000 UTC]
You have no idea jst how much ths weries has entertained me! I havent' laughed so hard in...well...ever! *skips off to fave all 28 chapters*
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
icefirepython In reply to ??? [2008-10-17 02:08:04 +0000 UTC]
OMG I WANT MORE MORE MOREEEEE M O R E MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
kimchiiWOOt [2008-09-24 07:39:22 +0000 UTC]
dude i love this XD it kept me entertained for a while PLEASE write more!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ApallaDemona [2008-09-18 02:52:52 +0000 UTC]
more. please i beg of u. please write more. this is one of the best fanfics in the history of fanfics. please write more!!!!11(on knees begging)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
CandySlush [2008-09-06 06:22:45 +0000 UTC]
Bahahahahahahahaaha! All the chapters are awesome and hilarious! You should totally write more with your mates!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
YangIchigo [2008-08-23 23:33:24 +0000 UTC]
funny but you need naruto to die or pretend to die for sakura to go on a rampage and kill everyone except hidan no one can kill him.
and to all of you who are going to say that he is dead he is not shikamaru dident kill him he just destroyed his body and barryed hidans head in the ground so shut up.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Kibaxxnaruto [2008-08-18 14:34:05 +0000 UTC]
i feel sorry for sasuke...lyk for the first tyme ever >.<
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Shake-zula In reply to ??? [2008-07-31 16:36:13 +0000 UTC]
I'd like to see what happens next.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
kyashi14907 In reply to ??? [2008-07-15 20:41:31 +0000 UTC]
Aha, I love these chapters, they make me laugh sooo hard aha,
And please continue, I'm actually wondering what ideas you come up with next, lol, Like, whats gonna happen? What happenes with Kakuzu, Deidara, and Sasori? Lmfao, I love this story please keep writing!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Triggermike [2008-07-02 23:24:56 +0000 UTC]
Hahaha your freakin haliours what twisted sense of humor o man plz keep up the good work ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Spartan-117Cortana [2008-06-18 04:15:02 +0000 UTC]
Hmm i think u should write another chapter or two and then vomit while hanging yourself! lol!
--
"Do or do not, there is no try."
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
since-then [2008-06-13 03:04:51 +0000 UTC]
If I die of laughter,... can I still read this thing anyway?
Of course, I've been wondering...What would happen if Naruto were tied to a chair at KHOP's?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
mankyman6 [2008-06-11 14:37:51 +0000 UTC]
This has got to be the funniest fan-fic I have ever read. (The only one I've ever read)
I think it's great how you use stereotypes for these characters and take it to the extreme!
Keep up the good work!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Esagaii [2008-06-11 00:35:03 +0000 UTC]
Wow...I didn't know Deidara could be that scary...or cruel. Amazingly funny, though.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
goldenninja1 [2008-06-04 04:00:18 +0000 UTC]
iz naruto goin 2 get LAID yet?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!?!??!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!???!!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!???!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!??!?!!??!?!?!?!!??!!??!?!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!!?!?!??!?!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!??!!?!?!?!??1Q!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!?!??????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Tobifreak459 [2008-05-28 20:14:51 +0000 UTC]
Is that the last one? Don't tell me it's the last one! It's hilarious! You have to make another chapter! Wow, this sounds like a total obsessed fangirl...Oh well
~~~~~~~~~
If I had a chance,
I'd go on my own.
If I had a choice,
I'd go on home.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Finder77 [2008-05-19 21:39:06 +0000 UTC]
Aw, you're not just going to leave it at that, are you?
I love this story, man!
Silly Deidara. ^^
BTW, you're pretty damn funny for coming up with it. :3
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
pheras2 [2008-05-18 07:20:32 +0000 UTC]
wow. as if i thought it couldn't get any more *thinks of word, but has failed* ... F*CKED UP! wow. *GASP* what will happen now that Kakuzu and Sasori is gone? (ok, gotta stop asking stupid questions) oh, well, Deidara doesn't have to worry about Ino's lawsiut agianst him/her anymore. DAMN! when the next chapter gonna come!
--
PINEAPPLES R US!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
witchcrystalchan [2008-05-13 09:46:44 +0000 UTC]
If it just like you said so, Nova, then please post some more??? Make us laugh again???
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
LoveLiestartswithL [2008-05-11 20:22:36 +0000 UTC]
fuckin awesome! hahah it's like evry chatper gets better and better and wierder too! lol love it! is the next chapter already out>????
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to LoveLiestartswithL [2008-05-11 21:12:20 +0000 UTC]
XD Afraid this is the latest chapter for now.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
LoveLiestartswithL In reply to Novanator [2008-05-12 03:30:21 +0000 UTC]
awwww i wanna read the next one! i just keeps getting better and crazier! lol in a messed up way, it makes me feel better that my life isnt that messed up compared to naruto lol
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
vamp-gurl101 [2008-05-02 02:56:21 +0000 UTC]
GENUIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when will u write the next chapter?
lol..... deiedara and sasori...unbelieveable
u are a writing god...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ngN-gin In reply to ??? [2008-04-27 16:58:32 +0000 UTC]
I can't wait to see what happens next!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
DeidaraGirlIsMe [2008-04-25 02:52:29 +0000 UTC]
WHAT HAPPEN NEXT.pppppppppplllllllllllzzzzzzzzz make more
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
witchcrystalchan In reply to ??? [2008-04-15 04:01:33 +0000 UTC]
Nova, I'm still waitin' 4 da next chapter. Post it hurrily, pleeeaseee.... It was just too crazy and I can't help myself when suddenly I laughed and my friends said "What's wrong? Are you nuts?" Post it, hurry!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
elemental-heiress In reply to witchcrystalchan [2008-04-17 17:58:53 +0000 UTC]
I did the same thing and everyone was like "Are you on crack" and "Should we take you to the doctor"
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
BluVenus14 In reply to elemental-heiress [2008-05-26 02:26:42 +0000 UTC]
Really? that's kinda... sad...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
elemental-heiress In reply to BluVenus14 [2008-05-26 03:59:17 +0000 UTC]
I know.It took me about an hour to convince them I wasn't doing drugs.My mom even got in on it.Apparently I do that alot.Enough to get questioned about it.Lol
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
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