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Published: 2008-01-30 22:00:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 14952; Favourites: 238; Downloads: 176
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The Dealers Know All-One week after the prank gone horribly wrong; Breakfast-
Sasori: "Deidara, can I talk to you alone for a minute."
Deidara: "Uh..." -Playing dumb- "Why? What ever would you need to talk to me about?"
Sasori: -Rolls eyes- "Oi." -Just grabs him and walks off-
Deidara: (Dammit.)
Sasori: "Look, are you gay, or what? 'Cause if you are, it's cool. It'll keep your secret."
Deidara: "HELL NO!"
Sasori: "Okay, okay. Just asking." -Doesn't remember anything that happened; was so shocked he went into a state of denial- "Later dude." -Just walks off-
Deidara: "...The hell?"
-Back at breakfast-
Itachi: "Hm... Something's not right around here..."
Hidan: "I know what you mean... I keep feeling like we're missing something..."
Itachi: "Damn! This is what we get for watching the 'Cops' marathon instead!"
Kisame: "Uh... Yeah... 'Cops...'" -Was watching a 'Sex & the City' marathon-
Deidara: -Sits back down and slams head down on table-
Itachi: "What the hell's wrong with you?"
Deidara: "The world."
Hidan: -Slams hands down on table- "OKAY. EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?! KAKUZU'S BEING MORE PISSY THAN USUAL, SASORI'S ACTING LIKE A FUCKING SERIAL KILLER ABOUT TO SNAP, AND YOU'RE MORE DEPRESSING THAN ITACHI'S FAGOT BROTHER! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY?!"
Deidara: "None of your damn business."
Tobi: "OH! OH! Tobi knows!"
Itachi: "How do YOU know?!"
Tobi: "Zetsu-san told me!"
Deidara: -Glare-
Zetsu: "Whoopsie. Was I not supposed to say anything?"
Tobi: "He said that Kakuzu's hearts actually do work and Deidara-senpai wants to wrestle with S-!"
Deidara: "TOBI. PANCAKES."
Tobi: -Jumps out the window-
Deidara: "PHEW..." -Goes to his room-
Itachi: "God dammit. That does it. If no one around here is gonna fess up, then we're just gonna have to do a little investigating."
Hidan: "And how are we supposed to do that?"
Itachi: "Get your baseball bats ready. We're going to Leaf Village."
-Meanwhile-
Hinata: "Lee, those shoes don't go with you at all."
Lee: "Hm... Yeah, you're right... No worries though! That's only the second pair I've tried on!" -Behind him is a mountain of shoes-
Hinata: (GOD DAMMIT WHAT WAS I THINKING?! Ugh... This is my worst plan to win Naruto yet... 'I'll hang with Lee until everyone Naruto feels so sorry for me that he swoops in and rescues me!' What the hell was I on...) "Um... Exactly how many pairs do you NEED?"
Lee: "As many as possible, silly! As many as possible."
Gai: "HI LEE!"
Lee: "HI HONEY!"
Gai: "What's my FAVORITE student up to?"
Lee: "Just doing some shopping with my new girlfriend! Hehe! Ain't that right sista?"
Hinata: "Eh-heh-heh... Right..." (IF HE CALLS ME THAT ONE MORE TIME I WILL FUCKING KILL HIM...)
Gai: "OOOH! Don't forget! 'General Hospital' comes on tonight!"
Lee: "Oh like I could EVER forget!"
Hinata: -About to throw up- (I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE...) "I THINK MY MOTHER'S CALLING, WELL, I'LL JUST BE GOING NOW, BUH-BYE!"
Lee: "AW... And she had such a good fashion sense..."
Hinata: -Outside the mall, throwing up behind a bush- "UGH... How can anyone stand to be in the same room with him for more than two minutes?!"
Sasuke: -Right behind her- "Tsk, tsk, tsk. How awful lying to Lee like that.”
Hinata: "Oh just fucking great..."
Sasuke: "You see? That's the difference between you and me. I'M honest! I've been open about my feelings for Naruto from the beginning! You just stand back stalking and lying to everyone's face."
Hinata: -Not even listening- "Did you want something?"
Shino: -Standing on the corner; dealing drugs to random people- "You two really need to give it up already..."
Hinata: "When the hell did you get here?!"
Sasuke: "What's THAT supposed to mean?"
Shino: -Sigh- "You both need to give up on Naruto. Sakura's got him wrapped around her finger."
Sasuke: "Like, WHATEVER. Nobody cares about your opinion druggie."
Shino: "I don't do the drugs. I just sell them. Really, both of you do yourselves a favor and stop obsessing over him."
Hinata: -Gasp- "How dare you! I am NOT obsessed!"
Shino: "Then what's that behind your back?"
Hinata: -Hiding a Naruto plushie behind her back- "..."
Shino: "That's what I thought."
Hinata: "Ugh. Whatever! I'm not giving up on my love!"
Sasuke: "Me either! Hmph!" -Walks off-
Hinata: "Hey... What about you?"
Shino: "What about me?"
Hinata: "Who do YOU have a crush on?"
Shino: "No one."
Hinata: -Scoffs- "Oh, yeah, right.”
Shino: "No, really. No one."
Hinata: "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"
Shino: "Despite what pairing tards say, Some of us don't HAVE to have a romantic interest."
Hinata: "FINE THEN! HAVE FUN DYING ALONE!" -Storms off-
Shino: "Oi..." -Counting money-
-Itachi, Kisame, & Hidan appear-
Itachi: "Hey bug-boy!"
Shino: "Yo?"
Hidan: "We need to make a deal."
Shino: "Drugs or information?"
Itachi: "Information."
Shino: "Damn. That's a switch for you guys. Alright-"
Kisame: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are we coming to a drug dealer for this?"
Shino: "The drugs are just a cover. I also sell information on anything."
Kisame: "...That... doesn't make a lot of sense..."
Shino: "It doesn't have to. Anyway, what do you want?"
Itachi: "We want to spy on the Akatsuki and-"
Shino: "I already spy on you guys."
Itachi: "Seriously? Damn you're a freak."
Hidan: “In that case, we just need to know what happened last week when Deidara and Kakuzu tried to prank the leader."
Shino: "Cash upfront."
Hidan: -Mumbling angrily; hands him money- (Damn. I stole that from Kakuzu...)
Itachi: "So, what's the scoop?"
Shino: -Counting money- "Deidara and Kakuzu though Pein was gonna kill them. So Kakuzu admitted he would miss the Akatsuki and Hidan was the greatest partner ever. Deidara admitted Tobi was a good boy, Zetsu was misunderstood, and he loves Sasori. And Sasori likes older women and looks at porn of Tsunade."
-All stare blankly for a moment-
Itachi: ".....Wow..."
Shino: "I have all of it recorded on DVD if you'd like a copy. For a small fee of course."
Itachi: -Hands him tons of money-
Shino: -Gives him the DVD- "Pleasure doing business with you." -Resumes counting money-
Itachi & Hidan: -Laughing evilly-
Itachi: "OH... THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD..."
Kisame: "AREN'T YOU TWO THE LEAST BIT CONCERNED ABOUT THE FACT THAT THAT BUG-BOY IS SPYING ON US 24/7?!"
Hidan: "Not in the least."
Kisame: -Blank face-
Itachi: "Back to base!"
-Back at the Akatsuki lair-
Deidara: -Packing his stuff-
Sasori: "Deidara? What are you doing?"
Deidara: "Quitting."
Sasori: "WHAT?! WHY?!"
Deidara: "Because I can."
Sasori: -Blocks the door- "NO FUCKING WAY DUDE! YOU'RE ONE OF THE FEW SANE ONES LEFT AROUND HERE! YOU ARE NOT LEAVING ME ALONG WITH THESE IDIOTS!"
Deidara: "Uh.. Yeah, I am."
Sasori: "FINE THEN! QUIT! Asshole..." -Walks off-
Deidara: "Huh. That was easy." -Starts to walk out the door-
Hidan: -Barges in and slams the door on Deidara- "EVERYONE OUT HERE YOU GUYS HAVE TO FUCKING SEE THIS!
Itachi: -Jumps on Hidan- "SHUT UP, I WANT TO TELL THEM!"
Kisame: "Can't we all just get along?"
Deidara: -Passed out behind the door and mumbling incoherently-
Kakuzu: "Oh SHIT... Don't tell me they..."
Itachi: -Puts the DVD in-
-Ten minutes later-
-Everyone, except Deidara and Kakuzu, is cracking up-
Itachi: "WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DUDE, THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"
Pein: "...Did I really say 'Here's Johnny'?"
Hidan: -About to speak-
Kakuzu: "Don't."
Hidan: "You don't even know what I was gonna say-"
Kakuzu: "Doesn't matter. Just don't."
Hidan: "Y-"
Kakuzu: "I quit." -Goes to his room and starts packing his stuff-
Deidara: -Banging head against the wall-
Kisame: -Pats Deidara on the shoulder- "There, there. If it's any consolation I, too, know what it's like to have an unrequited love..."
Deidara: "Get the HELL off of me and NEVER compare me to you..."
Kisame: -Backs away quickly-
Hidan: -Singing- "Sasori and Deidara, sitting in a tree-"
Deidara: "What are you, in fucking grade school?"
Hidan: "-K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
Kakuzu: -Carrying a bunch of suitcases- "Just ignore him. Acknowledging him only makes it worse."
Hidan: "AW... Does that little fagot want to take my shirt off?"
Itachi: "Dude, you don't wear a shirt."
Sasori: -Walks out from his room- "What's all the racket?"
Hidan: "AW... Your boyfriend's here. Why don't you give him a kiss-AGH!"
Sasori: -Choking Hidan- "I'M NOT FUCKING GAY!"
-Suigetsu and Karin fall through the ceiling-
Karin: "HI EVERYONE! WHO WANTS TO HAVE AN ORGY?!"
Deidara: -Twitch-
Suigetsu: "AW... What's wrong Mommy? You look mad."
Deidara: "I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOW SO YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME..."
Suigtesu: "Aw... Poor Mommy... You got knocked up again, didn't you?"
Deidara: -Snaps- "I. AM. NOT. YOUR. FUCKING. MOMMY! YOU FUCKING RETARD, I AM A FUCKING MAN, AND I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN WITH ANY FUCKING WOMEN SO YOU ARE NOT MY FUCKING SON. YOU ARE A MOTHERLESS BASTARD CHILD AND ARE A DISGRACE TO FUCKING LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. SO IF YOU AND YOUR FUCK-BUDDY SISTER DON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GAWD I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL UNTIL YOU BEG FOR FUCKING DEATH!"
Itachi: "WOW..."
Suigetsu: "YAY! Mommy's going to kill me!"
Deidara: -Grabs Suigetsu and Karin, disappears to Orochimaru's lair, tosses them in a jail cell, and disappears back-
Karin: "NOOOOO! NOT THIS PLACE AGAIN!"
Orochimaru: "OOOH... So you two have come back, eh? Oh we're gonna have fuuuun..."
Suigetsu and Karin: "AAAAAAGH!!! IT'S THE BOOGIE-MAN!!!" -Both hug each other and cower in fear-
-Later, at the Akatsuki lair-
Itachi: "So, Deidara, are you gay or what?"
Deidara: -Cutting his hair-
Itachi: "...Okay then..."
Tobi: "Senpai, I thought you said the only way you'd ever cut your hair is if you lost your mi- OHHH... I get it! HAHAHAHA! Senpai's just like Brittney Spears!"
Hidan: -Pushes Sasori- "Control your boyfriend, dammit!"
Sasori: -Stumbles and accidentally kisses Deidara- "ACK! BLEH!" -Coughs and spit up- "OH GOD, SORRY DEIDARA! HIDAN YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" -Chases Hidan with a hacksaw-
Deidara: -Blank face-
Pein: "Hey guys, where'd Kakuzu go?"
Itachi: "I think he quit, dude."
Pein: "What?! I thought he was joking?!"
Itachi: "Since when does Kakuzu joke?"
Sasori: -Throws Hidan's body out a window- "You know what? I quit too. I'm gonna get married to a woman and live my life-long dream." -Just disappears-
Kisame: "Huh... That was random..."
Hidan: -Just a head- "AW... He's gonna knock up some chick so he can have a family with his boy-toy."
Deidara: -Just standing there staring blankly-
TO BE CONTINUED...?
Related content
Comments: 272
thegoodsamaritan In reply to ??? [2008-02-04 03:39:24 +0000 UTC]
Ohhhhhhh... well, you succeed!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
thegoodsamaritan In reply to ??? [2008-02-04 02:26:08 +0000 UTC]
I mean, it's all hilarious, just, it would be better without the gayness.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
MagicianOfHeart In reply to ??? [2008-02-03 18:18:29 +0000 UTC]
WrItE mOrE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I finally got around to reading it and now I'm obsessed.)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
tygerlily526 [2008-02-03 06:31:03 +0000 UTC]
i feel sorry 4 deidara and for once, i feel sorry for kakuzu O_o''
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
HinataLover54 [2008-02-02 15:05:49 +0000 UTC]
deidara and kakuzu should go on a spree of some sort to vent. it could be a killing spree(fun), eating spree(monotonous?), or just a killing sasuke spree, since he doesn't seem to die.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Silverwolf547 [2008-02-02 05:26:28 +0000 UTC]
Damn, I would quite too if I was caught on dvd.... But it funny as hell anyway and plus I love it when ppl makes fun of yaoi, its just another pleasure in life...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
xEternal-Sakurax [2008-02-01 23:33:56 +0000 UTC]
Wonderful as always ^_^
Just wondering when you said "Zetsu: "Zetsu-san told me!" Shouldn't it be Tobi speaking?
The only form of Kain and Suigetsu I will ever like is yours, they make me lol.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
iSlightlyCuckoo [2008-02-01 23:20:42 +0000 UTC]
This is seriously the best fanfic every. Absolutly amazing. I laughed so hard my gut now hurts. PLEASE don't ever stop!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Nickygirl375 [2008-02-01 21:25:53 +0000 UTC]
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOO MUCH YOAI!!!! *faints*(STOP ENCOURAGEGING IT!! now me and Tobi have more to kill)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
mybabegaarawubsmee [2008-02-01 15:40:29 +0000 UTC]
*pictures sasori dei kiss* . . . *twitch*
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Sennie [2008-02-01 14:59:04 +0000 UTC]
Wow... I swear, if I my parents were hope they would think I've finally lost my mind. I was at first laughing, then squealing (that saso-dei moment when Dei-chan said he was leaving) and then I was laughing again xD
I'm a Yaoifangirl (proud of it too, thank you very much) but I can also say that I think it's very good that you, in the earlier chapters, made very strong points against SasuNaru. C'mon, you don't have to look twice to see that they do NOT fit together in any way at all (although I liked it at first, but now I almost throws up when someone mentions sasunaru).
Keep up the good work, Nova ^____^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MegaAnime In reply to ??? [2008-02-01 07:07:56 +0000 UTC]
Your fanfic brighten day again! Keep it up and may get blind some more!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oddy256 In reply to ??? [2008-02-01 05:24:34 +0000 UTC]
I need more! This stuff is most likely better than any drug!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
tsuki-no-kaasu In reply to ??? [2008-02-01 05:22:27 +0000 UTC]
damn it! that was so fuking funny i like your story you two are good at this i love it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Mullish In reply to ??? [2008-02-01 05:10:30 +0000 UTC]
weelll i dunno what too say
im curisous where did sasori kiss deidara??
thank god for tobi's safe word ^^
i wonder what would happen if hinata n sasuke formed the biggest naruto sex fan club?
no, wait, that wouldnt work. they would ever possibly share naruto with anybody else ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
CookyMunster In reply to ??? [2008-02-01 04:20:25 +0000 UTC]
Poor Deidara
Everyone picks on him.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Harley-Owen [2008-02-01 03:01:51 +0000 UTC]
it's easier to vomit if you're alive. just ask Suigetsu and karin XD.
funny stuff. funny stuff.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Escapetomymind [2008-02-01 00:53:28 +0000 UTC]
I do NOT like yaoi, but i thing my neibors had a heart attack when they heard me (yelling) laughing in my room during that dei-saso moment... I LIKE SASOSAKU!!! i know it makes no sense, but back the hell off.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to Escapetomymind [2008-02-01 04:09:34 +0000 UTC]
SasoSaku makes my insides bleed. No one I know hates yaoi more than myself, but I would rather read SasoDei doujinshi for the rest of my natural life than so much as ONE fanfic for SasoSaku.
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Escapetomymind In reply to Novanator [2008-02-01 04:57:33 +0000 UTC]
whatever chika. u likey wha tu likey and I likey wha I likey, and I honestly could give if people don't approve my choices, so suck on that. lmao. <3.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
NarutoUzamaki738 [2008-02-01 00:14:04 +0000 UTC]
YEAH! New chapter!
I fuckin love these nova
KEEP EM COMING!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
iwatchART In reply to ??? [2008-01-31 22:42:10 +0000 UTC]
I've read this thing on Fanfiction.net, glad to see its being continued here.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
jasminefairy-25 [2008-01-31 20:11:06 +0000 UTC]
I don't understand why you "can't decide if [you] should vomit, or hang [your]self first..."; I didn't think it was that bad. Have you ever thought that you might be encouraging yaoi? XD oh the irony.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Novanator In reply to jasminefairy-25 [2008-01-31 21:42:38 +0000 UTC]
LOL Don't worry, The irony is not lost on me.
*SHAME*
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
jasminefairy-25 In reply to Novanator [2008-02-01 00:08:18 +0000 UTC]
At least you feel shame....unlike others.....coughobsessivefangirlscough
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
elemental-heiress [2008-01-31 19:07:14 +0000 UTC]
Omg this is so hilarious.I've read all the chapters but this is my first comment on the story plz continue
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
XxRavenUchihaxX In reply to ??? [2008-01-31 17:52:38 +0000 UTC]
love dei's little outburst... shino's a druggie!! i knew it! XD this is hilairious
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
EmeraldLockett In reply to ??? [2008-01-31 15:47:47 +0000 UTC]
OMG! this is soooo feakin funn! lol
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Kida-Ookami In reply to ??? [2008-01-31 15:40:18 +0000 UTC]
your imaginations RULEZ to no end! .. keep it up PLEASE
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ssjDarkJak3 [2008-01-31 11:58:41 +0000 UTC]
OOH OOH!!
VOMIT!! then you can still write this stuff!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Inuyajuusonokenkaku [2008-01-31 07:19:44 +0000 UTC]
All can say about this series is how in the world do you come up with this? and please never end it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ShinosGF4Life In reply to ??? [2008-01-31 05:16:38 +0000 UTC]
YU HAVE TO CONTINUE IT!!!! IT IS SO AWESOME!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
AquaKacheek In reply to ??? [2008-01-31 04:36:17 +0000 UTC]
Hnn, I know that I hung myself after I read this, Im only Amy's Spirit
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Lionsong In reply to ??? [2008-01-31 04:35:25 +0000 UTC]
Poor Deidara, I think his mind finally broke. Heee...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
AdventGriever [2008-01-31 04:13:48 +0000 UTC]
Hehe. I'm surprised you haven't made fun of Itachi's eye plucking fetish yet.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
the-evil-pastry-XD In reply to ??? [2008-01-31 02:45:33 +0000 UTC]
i dont know whether to crack up or throw up...O.o
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
kaylin-chan In reply to ??? [2008-01-31 02:25:43 +0000 UTC]
noes! Don't let them quit the akatsuki!!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
checkers467 In reply to ??? [2008-01-31 02:19:24 +0000 UTC]
Woah... this is just getting crazier by the chapter...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
anbob658 In reply to ??? [2008-01-31 02:15:55 +0000 UTC]
... wow
THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SHOULD'VE USED THAT CHAPTER FOR MY ENTRY FOR 's CONTEST!!!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
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